letter to jace
Jace,
You literally blocked me on everything, and this was the only way I knew how to get ahold of you. Makes me sound like a fucking stalker or a crazy ex, which some people think that I am now. That is beside the point...As you know, I stopped painting right before we started dating. I shared a lot of my paintings with you, something I have rarely done with anybody else. But I shared those with you because I loved you, Jace. I loved you so hard and I never showed that to you. I was a fucking shitty girlfriend. I knew that deep down when we were dating but refused to admit that to myself at the time and expected you to be there for me even when I wasn’t there for you. I know this is no excuse for how I treated you, but my addiction had been taking over for quite some time before and after that. You don’t know this, but I was checked into a mental health program after we broke up, got clean and relapse as soon as I got back out. I got clean after my overdose at Throuple, and relapsed again. I have been clean for almost a month now since that relapse; which is the longest time I have gone without cocaine since I started using after my parents died when I was a teenager. It’s been really hard, but my head as never been so clear. I started painting again; it’s calming and helps me express how recovery has been for me. The one in this package is an old one. I never showed it to you because I wanted to give it to you as a gift but we broke up before I could. It’s kind of just been sitting in my apartment collecting dust since.
I’m also beyond proud of you for performance in Rocketman. You worked so fucking hard and deserve everything you have earned. The show was breathtaking, and you were talented, as always. You are destined for great things and this is only the beginning of your career.
Sincerely,
Claudia Ezmeralda Fernandez
@jace-matthews