Live blogging OBX S3 as a Venezuelan (as in, the country part of this shitshow is supposed to be taking place)
Let me preface this by saying that I love this shitshow. It is shitty af and I love it.
Now I’m just going to be ranting about the things that concern the Orinoco and Venezuela only, not my opinion on the season in general. Also I’ve never bee to the part of the country the show alludes to I’ve only ever been to Apure not the Delta... but all of this is common knowledge. This is mostly composed of a series of texts (translated) that I sent to another Venezuelan friend who is also a fan of the show... Enjoy
Oh and spoilers
- "Onece we get to Orinoco" o "We need to go to Orinoco" as if it wasn't a goddamned river it is “the Orinoco”
- they named Venezuela and apparently john b knows that the river is here
- Imma allow suspension of disbelief here - There neither are nor were indigenous populations in the Venezuelan territory with a written language of their own, but imma let it pass for the plot...
- What kind of sorry excuse of a lame ass archeologist -like not even archeologist just person who went to primary school - thinks that a thing found in Delta Amacuro (That’s the name of the estate where the Orinoco Delta is) is Mayan?
- Pointing to a map that clearly says "Venezuela" (it even has names of cities like “Barcelona” and “Maturin” "you pointed to just South America, you know that?" It only fucking shows a part of Venezuela
- Bitch! The guajiros founded El Dorado by the Orinoco!! for reference I attach a map showing where the Guajiros are located and where this show is trying to make you think El Dorado is (for reference the trip by car nowadays, it’d be at least 14 hours): Green: where the Guajiros are located (just in Venezuela, they are also in Colombia) Red: The Orinoco River (Just the Venezuelan part of the river) Pink: What the previous map kind of showed Yellow: Apure, the part or the Orinoco I’ve alluded to (Kind of self promo go see the NGO I work with)
- Look the guajiros still exist, they are alive and not well they are actually literary starving, but they are not Caribe (the wider etnia the Kalinagos belong to)...
- the river guide called josé - that narrows it down...
- JJ has a point, he doesn’t have a passport, but further than that, people from the US need a Visa to get to Venezuela and they can’t get that Visa because Venezuela closed their embassies in the US - just pointing it out, though I’m going to let it pass for the plot
- A ride to South America? the deal with Barracuda Mike is not very specific... What if he takes he drugs to Chile? the trip from Chile to Venezuela is longer than the trip from anywhere in the USA to Venezuela? And I doubt Barracuda Mike is taking his drugs to Venezuela, the Venezuelan drug trade does not need discreet transportation believe me...
- I’ll give it to them the Orinoco they show looks like the Orinoco I’ve seen in real life and in pictures
- The Orinoco a graveyard of empires... not really unless you count the War of Independence...
- JJ is going to end up in fucking Uruguay if he doesn’t start being more specific...
-I’m not sure “Tres Rocas” exists, but I know a lot of places here that don’t show up on google maps...
- Why the fuck are the people in Tres Rocas partying with dusters? Though we do love unsafe fireworks handling, national pastime right there
- they do get the license plates right
- Well I assume they can’t find the José who owns a “panga” because “panga” in Venezuela means either a type of fish, a dumb person or a cigarette, like I had to google what a panga was.... they are probably mean a José with the “curiara” or with the “chalana” most probably a chalana... Suprise they didn’t get like kidnapped or scammed
- ...Anyways how come no one in this place is named José? Not even José without a chalana?
- Love the random black and white print of Bolívar on Singh’s place, really dirves home the “we are in Venezuela” thing...
- JAJAJAJAJAJAJA they think a wad like that of bolívares is enough for a trip like that one JAJAJAJAJA that’s less than 10$ I can assure you... And I can also assure you that no one in a remote Venezuelan town that close to the border takes bolívares, they only deal in US dollars and I guess that in the Delta: Guyanese Dollars....
- Btw it was indeed a chalana
- Just a thought... these people are going to get yellow fever or tb or something, are they even vaccinated against that sort of thing?
- “Guajiro” is pronounced is pronounced “whoo- ah- hee- roh” no “Whoa-ha-ro” not that guajiros have anyplace in Delta Amacuro...
-What kind of goddamned magic phone does Ward have? Those place don’t have signal, you need a satellite phone - I haven’t been to the Delta but my cousin has and they needed a satellite phone... I need a satellite phone down in deep Apure... You cannot just sneak off and send your location to someone there... those places have special guides for a reason and the reason is that GPS does not work down there...not to mention roaming
- You can’t just use Kalinagos and Guajiro interchangeably, they are not the same ethnicity...
- Like pre-columbina guajiros probably didn’t know the Orinoco existed...
- The Pogues have too much trust in the Venezuelan rural health system... that man is going to die, there is nothing to be done.
- There wasn’t enough Jiara though - yes, that is related to the Orinoco...
Conversation with my mom about this series: Me: Now that they’re going on an expedition to El Dorado I feel like this should end like every other expedition to El Dorado Mom: With everyone dead? Me: With everyone dead
She also said I should stop complaining that for a gringo show this is almost intellectual