Crazy Little Game of Love - Chapter 5
Word Count: 14.5 K (i told you it was long!!)
Warnings: smut, angst, adorable-ness
A/N- Hey y’all! I think this is the chapter I’ve been most excited for so far, so I’m having a great time writing it. Just a reminder! when writing is in Italics, it means it’s Y/N’s thoughts. Also, the start of this chapter takes a lot of inspiration from the song Hurricane from Hamilton by Lin Manuel Miranda, so any lyrics used all rights go to him. The beginning is Y/N’s Alexander during hurricane moment. If you’ve seen Hamilton/know the musical you’ll understand what I mean. Also, the opening may seem like it flows kinda odd, but that’s because it’s kinda supposed to be like a stream of consciousness. -C
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 Minutes After where we left off:
In the eye of the hurricane there is quiet.
For just a moment.
There are some moments, when a teenage girl needs her mum.
This was one of those moments.
Has my mum been the best? No. Far from it. She made me never want to return home. But your mum is your mum, no way around it. And it’s times like this I just want to say “Help me! I’m conflicted and don’t know how to deal with breaking my own heart and the heart of the guy I love, what do I do?”
As I lay here floating all I can think is that I want to run in the house and grab the phone and call my mum, cry about how much I miss her, and beg for her advice.
I have Jer; I have my new mum.
But I can’t even call her because the main reason for my conflict is because of Spain, if I tell her she’ll tell Freddie.
My Freddie.
My rock. My constant shoulder to cry on, and I can’t even tell him. I’ve never felt so alone.
As a wave pushes me under for just a brief moment, my mind can’t stop racing, insecurities flooding back and forth like the waves that rush the shore.
What if I’m not good enough?
What if I ruin all my friendships?
What if I go to Spain and die?
As you softly cried you thought about what had gotten you here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 Minutes before hand (Where we left off)
“You’re my love, Y/N.”
One.
You inhaled to speak.
“I- I’m sorry Roger, I can’t handle this right now.” You spat out as you hopped off the rock and started toward the beach. Roger grabbed your wrist.
“Where are you going?”
“For a swim.”
“You’re what?” He said, the fear immediately apparent in his voice.
“I’m going for a swim, Roger. Need to clear my mind.” You said as monotone as possible.
He let out an annoyed laugh at your actions. “I profess my love to you, and you just walk away from me?” He said, raising his voice.
“I can’t even believe you’d put me in that situation. You can’t just demand things from me, Roger! You expect me to know exactly what I want, -or no! Expect me to say exactly what you want to hear!” You yelled, tears flooding out of your eyes.
“I just don’t want to bloody lose you, Y/N!” He yelled back.
You ignored his statement. “I said I was going for a swim.” You said, looking at the ground as you tried to pull your wrist away from his grasp.
“Please, Love, go for a walk, or a drive, or take a bath, or whatever you need. I won’t bother you with whatever you decide to do, just please don’t go for a swim. You know how I am.”
“You can’t hold me back forever, Roger.” You said coldly, a dual meaning present to you both in your statement.
His shock from your words allowed you to pull your wrist free, as you quickly walked into the ocean and dove in, hearing Roger scream your name behind you.
As you came up for air, you heard his screams. “Y/N! Are you okay?”
“I’m fine Roger,” you said annoyed. “Let me fucking relax!”
“Fine, I’m sitting right here, then.” He said plopping right on the shore line. “Remember; I’m sitting here because I care about you and worry about your well being! Apparently, it’s not reciprocated.”
You screamed in frustration. “I did not say that, Roger! Do not put words into my mouth. I don’t care what the hell you do; just don’t bother me while I relax!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so I lay here, regretting my mistakes as I let the ocean consume the weight of my body.
“You still okay?” You heard.
You stuck a thumbs up in the air, the salty water coming in drips off of your arm and plopping on your face and in the water around you.
And then, it came to you. You were staying an extra day for a reason; to enjoy your relationship for an extra day. There was no reason to be having an argument at this moment; you both knew what would happen once you got home, so why not enjoy the last moments you had left together?
You started to swim in with complete intention to stop this argument, but not let him off the hook completely right away. If this relationship was actually going to last longer than the next 24 hours, and there really was a part of you considering it, then Roger needed to learn how to respect you and the decisions you make, plain and simple. As you walked onto the shore, you immediately heard “So, what did y-”
“Don’t talk to me right now, Roger.” You coldly cut him off, grabbing your towel and putting it on top of the flat rock you were laying on earlier. About ten minutes after you laid in the sun, you heard a beach chair being set up snugly to the left of the rock. Through the side of your eye you saw the straggly blonde locks, immediately revealing that it was Roger. You expected to hear him say something…
but it was silent.
For a good twenty minutes the only sound was the seagulls and the rushing of the waves on the shore. And then, you heard a quiet voice, one similar to a hurt child after being put in a time out,
“I’m sorry.”
Silence.
“I shouldn’t have talked to you that way; shouldn’t have pressured you. You gotta understand, this is hard on me too, Love.” He laughed. “I mean, the girl I’ve been trying to get with for almost a year has sex with me five times in a night and then expects me to believe we’ll be nothing more than friends within a matter of days, and that we’ll be mere acquaintances that are countries apart within months? I’m genuinely sorry; I didn’t mean anything I said.”
Silence.
You could hear the sadness in his voice. You opened your eyes to see one of his hands resting on the rock while the other held the book he was reading. You reached for his hand as you sat up, earning a gasp from him as a smile explodes on his face as he turned to look at you. There were tears welled in the bottom of his eyes, which made you feel even worse for all the stress you had just put him through.
“Rog,” You smiled. “We could never go back to being acquaintances after this. Romantic or not, we have something special.”
You saw one tear slide down his cheek.
“Yeah.” He sadly chuckled.
“I made a decision,”
“Okay,” he said, lump settling in his throat as he swallowed.
“And that is to not make a decision.”
“What?”
“... yet.” You hesitantly said, patting the rock next to you, telling him to climb on. “While I was floating out there I realized that the reason we extended this trip was so we could spend more time together before having to make a decision. I love you, Roger, and if these are our last days being able to express it-”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it could be. So if they are, I don’t want to go through them making a decision. And besides, the longer we spend as a couple will have an effect on the decision I make. Yes, it also makes it harder, but nothing in life is easy, is it?” You said, pressing your forehead to his. You were both softly crying, your shoulders simultaneously moving up and down at the apparent ruined dream of your relationship.
“Can I just ask you a question?” Roger softly said as his eyes flicked around the scene before you and then settled on yours. You nodded your head as he grabbed your hand. “Is this just a fling to you, and that’s why you’re saying we can’t continue a relationship? Because just for my own purposes, since I’ve admitted my feelings for you I need to know if you actually feel the same way.”
You thought this was a moment where actions would speak louder than words, so to prove to him his feelings were reciprocated, you pressed your lips to his, and felt him smile against it, putting his hand up to your cheek as he deepened the kiss a little more. After some time, you pulled away and said, “Of course I feel the same way Rog, my life is just going to be completely turned upside down in a couple months-”
“It’s really almost a year, Y/N.”
“What?”
“I realized it last night when it was like our second time? Maybe it was the third? I don’t know. Anyways, when I flipped you so you were laying on the bed you said ‘I wish I could leave in August of ‘73 instead of ‘72 so we could do this every night.’ Remember that?” You shook your head no.
“I think I was in so much ecstasy, Rog, that I forgot most of our conversations after the bath.” You giggled.
“Then that just means I’m as good in bed as I thought I was.” He smirked, leaving you shaking your head as you pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “But yeah, I thought you were going next semester, but no, you leave in August. That’s ten months away, Love. This is the last I’ll speak of it until I physically drop you off at your dorm, but don’t deny yourself something you so badly want out of fear. Just something to think about.” You nodded your head. “It’s just about 4:00, do you want to go up and get ready for dinner? I was hoping we could go to that really ritzy restaurant, then maybe to the club after?”
“Sounds perfect.” You smiled, leaning in to kiss him as he hopped off the rock and scooped you up in his arms which gave you that feeling again.
Bliss.
Do I actually want to let this go?
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You put on your black Peter Pan collared dress, thinking that it’d be dressy enough, and started on your makeup. Just out of curiosity, you yelled through your door to Roger’s room.
“Rog! What are you wearing?”
“A suit.” He yelled back.
“A suit?!”
“Yeah, is that a problem?”
“Is it that dressy of a restaurant?”
“Yeah, Love. Five course meal, reservation only, live string quartet, chandeliers. You know, all that kind of stuff.”
“Okay.” You nervously laughed.
You looked down at your dress. It certainly wasn’t dressy enough. You thought about what you had packed and panicked. You knew you hadn’t packed anything that dressy, but pulled your suitcase apart hoping you’d find something. With the contents of your bag on your bed, and no luck in finding a suitable dress to wear, tears welled in your eyes as you noticed something bulging out of the large, zippered pocket on the inside of the door to your small suitcase. You wiped away a tear as you unzipped the pocket to find a grocery bag tied shut with a large piece of clothing in it, and silver sparkly heels in the pocket under the bag. There was a note taped to the bag that read:
Hello Darling! If you’re reading this it means my plan worked! Roger told me about the fancy restaurant he was planning on taking you to, and I knew you wouldn’t have packed accordingly, so I stole some of my mum’s heels (did you know you two were the same shoe size?!) and bought you this dress. Don’t worry, I bought it in your size. :) I know it’s not your style, but let’s face it. You wouldn’t have chosen the right style dress for this type of venue even if you knew about it, sorry to make you face the truth, Darling. Hopefully you’ll get to wear this though! And if you ended up not going there, don’t worry, you can wear it to our school’s gala in a couple months! Hope you’re having the time of your life!! Xoxo, Freddie Bulsara but really Farrokh soon to be Mercury. (P.S. remember when I introduced myself like that?)
A huge smile spread across your face.
My guardian angel. I’ll never know what I did to deserve him.
You stepped into your new dress, a gorgeous, floor length, flowy, satin red dress. It had no beading, but an extremely high slit, and it’s thin straps crossed in the back. It was completely elegant, and actually fit you right! You’d have to remember to thank Freddie profusely when you got back home. You put on your dangly silver earrings as you finished your makeup, opting to go with a more glammed up look than you originally had planned, put on a red toned nude lipstick, and kept your hair down as you curled it into soft waves that rolled down your back.
As you sprayed on your perfume you heard a knock at the door. “It’s been twenty five minutes Love, you almost ready?”
“Yup!” You replied. “You can come in, I’m just putting on the necklace you gave me.” You said as you leaned to look in the mirror of the vanity in your room to put on your necklace.
(Start playing You Take My Breath Away by Queen from the piano entrance)
Roger’s breath was completely taken away when he first saw you, a huge smile on his face. He quietly walked over to you, standing behind you as he took the necklace from your hands. “Here, let me.” He smiled, as you pulled your hair over your shoulder. After he put the necklace on, he wrapped his arms around you looking at your two reflections in the mirror. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” He softly said in your ear.
Bliss.
“You ready Rog?”
He nodded, grabbing your hand as you walked out the door.
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As you and Roger walked into the restaurant (a huge building that looked like a large Victorian mansion) with your arm hooked around his, your breath was taken away. There were three floors of seating for guests, all which were open in the center to overlook the ballroom in the center of the first floor. Each table seemed to be spread out enough that each dining party would have an extreme amount of privacy, and they were decorated with beautiful bouquets of roses and candles. On the high ceiling above the ballroom floor, there was a huge chandelier, and there were small ones all around the restaurant. There was a string quartet playing at the front of the dance floor as couples waltzed around it. On each end of the ballroom from the second floor balcony, the area in which you in Roger were standing and what you saw from walking through the entrance, there were huge, picturesque staircases that looked as if they were out of a fairy tale. You’d never seen such a beautiful place in your life.
“Rog,” You whispered in his ear, “How do you have the money for this place?” You nervously said.
“Don’t worry about it, a guest and I eat here for free. I’ll explain later.” He smiled, tapping your nose.
“But how-“ You were cut off as a host appeared in front of you, napkin draped over his arm, hand outstretched to help you down the four stairs to leave the entry way as another worker took Roger’s overcoat, just leaving him in his suit coat. As Roger came down the steps to join you again, immediately hooking his arm with yours, the host said,
“Good evening, Mr. Taylor. Would you like your usual table?”
“That’d be perfect.” Roger smiled.
“Right this way.” The man smiled. You were completely in awe. Not only did this already seem like the last place you’d ever find Roger, but now he had his own table? You were shocked to say the least.
You were led to a table on the left side of the second floor right next to the railing with a perfect view of the string quartet. It was set back around the curve of the balcony, so it was completely isolated, and right next to the opening of the castle-esque stairs. It was perfect. Roger pulled your chair out for you as you sat down, and once your menus were placed in front of you and you two were left alone, you snapped your head up at him, eyes immediately telling him you needed an explanation. You caught him laughing at your curiosity.
“My great grandfather was the founder of this restaurant. As a result, all the Taylor’s get to eat here for free for all of eternity, plus one guest per Taylor. No joke; he literally wrote it in the expectations/rules for this restaurant when it was passed to the next owner.”
You nodded your head. The scene in front of you was so romantic, it was hard to believe it wasn’t all a dream.
“Do you want to dance? They always leave twenty minutes before they come to ask which item of the night you’d be choosing for your entré to give everyone time to dance a little. When we come back there will be a bottle of wine, a salad, and tonight’s appetizer. Since it’s a 5 course meal, there isn’t much picking from the menu. Very fancy. But yeah, we’ve got time to dance. Although I must warn you, there’s no disco.” He laughed.
“Of course I want to dance, Rog.” He got up and outstretched his hand to you as he escorted you to the stairs. You noticed a couple people staring, and assumed it was because Roger’s family was the royalty of the restaurant. Once you got to the dance floor, Roger brought you to the center, and a new waltz started. Your right hand joined with Roger’s left as your other hand went on his shoulder and his other on your hip.
The side with the slit, you noticed.
You noticed more people staring. A couple of the other pairs who were previously on the dance floor paused to watch the two of you dance. You noticed some of the women whispering things in their husbands ears as their gazes focused on the two of you, their hands attempting to subtly point at you and Roger waltzing in the middle of the ballroom floor.
“They’re all looking at you.” You blushed.
“No, believe me. They’re all looking at you.” He smiled back. “I’ve gotta warn you love. I’m not a great dancer even though my parents always tried to teach me to ballroom dance when we’d come here when I was young.”
“You’re doing just fine Rog, to be honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing either.” You laughed as you pointed your leg on the side the slit of your dress was on. The slit went all the way to the top of your hip, and Roger definitely noticed. His hand on your hip slipped a little lower.
“No underwear?” He smirked.
“Nope.”
“God, I love you even more each day.” He said, kissing your forehead and shaking his head in disbelief of the amazing girl he held in his arms.
“Well you would have seen them if I wore them!” You playfully opposed.
“Hey, I didn’t say to wear them, Baby. There’s never going to be a situation where I encourage you to wear underwear.” He said, making you laugh as you threw back your head in disbelief of how candid he was. You then put your focus at the waltz in front of you, gazing into Roger’s ocean blue eyes as he stared back at you with an eternal love in his eyes. Just the way he was looking at you made you feel more beautiful than you ever had in your entire life. In that moment, you felt so lucky to be Roger Taylor’s girlfriend, and would have done anything to keep it that way.
Your dinner was absolutely wonderful, and quite honestly the best food you’d ever eaten. Dessert was filled with laughter and admiration as Roger fed you chocolate covered strawberries, which they usually don’t have at the restaurant, but Roger had called ahead of time to have some specially made after checking your favorite dessert with Freddie. It truly made the night your ideal fantasy of the perfect date.
Roger consistently fed you strawberries from the large plate of forty in the middle of the two of you. The strawberries were made from every kind of chocolate imaginable, from plain milk chocolate to dark chocolate with sea salt and caramel drizzle. You’d never had something so good in your life. He occasionally took one for himself, or would eat one if you held it out to him, but was completely content with resting his chin on his hand as he watched you with admiration.
“Why chocolate covered strawberries?” He asked as you licked the tip of the strawberry he held in front of your mouth before taking a large bite of it. In the candlelight, your large eyes sparkled with a light of false innocence. You knew exactly what you were doing with your movements, pleased that you could make him flustered with just a lick of a strawberry and the batting of your eyes.
“What do you mean?” You said, broken from your trance.
“Why are they your favorite?”
“How did yo-”
“Freddie.” He smiled.
“Wow, Mr. Roger Taylor. I must say I’m impressed. You’ve really done everything to surprise me, make me happy, take me on lavish dates,” you said, reaching across the table to grab his hand. “Every girl dreams of a man like you. This has easily been the most romantic night of my life.”
“Your boyfriend loves you.” He gushed, a smile on his face from ear to ear. You leaned across the table to press a kiss to his lips. “But really, why chocolate covered strawberries? I’m curious.”
“Oh I don’t know, really, I don’t. Strawberries and chocolate alone are alright, but together it’s just like they were made for each other,”
Pause.
“like us.”
He was so happy by what you said, he couldn’t even speak. It was in this moment he knew you’d choose him once you got home. The connection between the two of you was too strong.
“One more dance, Love?”
You nodded. “Wait, can we take the rest of the strawberries home?”
He laughed. “You’re adorable.”
He walked over to you, reaching a hand out as he spun you, your dress slightly flying up and cascading around you. With a kiss on your cheek, he walked over to a server, asking for the remaining strawberries to be wrapped up, and coming back to you, leading you to the ballroom floor for the last time that night.
After sharing one more dance, the two of you walked arm in arm to Roger’s car, giddy like school children as you pressed yourself closely into his body. You stopped, looking up into the sky at the crystal clear night above you, the stars glistening brighter than you ever remembered seeing before due to your close proximity to the ocean. You turned to face Roger arms wrapping around his neck as his laid on your waist.
“Look how beautiful they are.” You said smiling, head angled toward the sky. “This all just seems too good to be real. I mean, I know it is, but like I said before, this doesn’t happen every day. This is the kind of date girls dream of.” You said, pressing your nose to his.
“Well I’m only dreaming of one girl.” He said just loud enough for the two of you to hear as he caressed your cheek in his hand, slowly locking your lips together. Your eyes fluttered shut, as the kiss deepened, your lips moving perfectly in sync. The kiss remained slow, yet passionate. There was no lust behind the kiss to drive it to push faster speeds. The kiss was purely love.
By the time you got back to the house it was about 9:30, and Roger scooped you up and carried you in his arms with plans to carry you all the way to your bedroom. “Roger!” You laughed with your arms around his neck. “You can put me down to unlock the front door.”
“No I can’t,” he smiled.
“And why would that be?” You said as he finally got the door open and walked inside.
“Have you seen yourself tonight?”
“Huh?”
“You look like a bloody princess, Y/N. You were honestly the most beautiful girl there. You see how jealous the other women were? Much dressier than anyone else was. Can’t let my princesses feet touch the ground.” He smiled, pressing his nose to yours as his words of affection made you giggle.
Once you arrived at your room, he sat in the middle of your bed still cradling you in his lap, your large dress fanned out over your bed with your leg out of the slit. With one arm under your head, Roger lovingly looked down at you, his other hand lovingly stroking the side of your face and fanning your hair out around your head. You closed your eyes, completely relaxed by his gentle touches. A couple minutes later, you sighed as you turned your head into his lap a little more.
“Don’t fall asleep on me, Love.” Roger laughed.
“I’m not, I’m not. Just relaxed.” You smiled, opening your eyes to return the love he gazed at you with. You turned your head to place a kiss to the inside of his palm, and you noticed him blush as you did so.
“You don’t wear red often,” he said.
You laughed at his awkward statement. “Yeah, I guess I don’t?”
“You should. Very sexy color on you, my Love.”
You laughed at his once again very candid statement, reaching one hand up to caress his cheek. “Alright, Rog. I’ll take that into consideration.”
“Say, where’d you get this dress from anyway? To be honest, and don’t get me wrong, I love the dress on you almost as much as I loved your sheer jumpsuit, but it doesn’t seem quite your style.”
“Well, my angel Freddie struck once again. You see, you forgot to tell me how dressy the restaurant was, and -”
“Sorry about that, by the way.”
“No don’t be! I’m honestly happy with the way the situation played out, since I never would have chosen this dress on my own. Anyways, I was planning on wearing a casual dress, but once you told me you were wearing a suit I started panicking and threw everything out of my bag looking for something suitable to wear, and noticed the inside pocket of my bag was bulging. I didn’t remember putting anything in it, so I opened it out of curiosity finding a note from Freddie saying he knew I didn’t know how fancy the restaurant was, and even if I did, he knew I wouldn’t have packed something dressy enough, so he bought me this dress and borrowed mum’s shoes, secretly packing them for me in hopes I’d find them. I’ll have to thank him when I get back.”
“Wow. Well, make sure you thank him for me too.”
After both laughing at his joke for a small bit, there was a patch of silence.
“I really do love you, Rog.”
“I love you too, Y/N.” He smiled. Some part of him told him you’d choose to stay in the relationship. He wasn’t sure why, but something just seemed like you would. “I’m not ready to call it a night, are you?”
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve still gotta go to the club, you know, go disco? I promised you we would!”
“Wait, really?!” You said, getting a newfound adrenaline rush from your excitement, wrapping your arms around his neck, sitting up and turning your whole body to look at him.
“Really.”
“Then we’ve gotta get changed!” You said, springing up and digging through your bag. Roger laughed at your antics as you frolicked around the room. “What are you waiting for?! Go get changed, Roger!”
“Okay, okay!” He said, raising his arms up in defense.
As soon as he was in his room, you quickly slipped out of your dress, and put on your new rose gold pantsuit. It was completely sequined, and had a halter top style neckline that plunged just above your belly button. You decided to stay not wearing a bra, and put on your white pumps. Looking in the mirror, you applied a hot pink lipstick and fluffed out your hair, threw your newly gifted fur coat over your shoulder and stepped out into the hall.
“What color are you wearing?” You heard Roger yell toward the bathroom that united your bedrooms as he assumed you were still getting ready.
Deciding to be a little devious, you opened his bedroom door and stepped in. “Rose gold.” You smirked.
His head snapped up instantly. He was in his white suit pants, matching coat on the bed as he stood at the closet shirtless. “Wow, so different to the girl I was with three minutes ago.” He chuckled. “You must be excited, that was a very fast outfit change, Love.”
You nodded as you walked up to him, pressing your body flush against his as you pressed your hands to his chest, cherishing how beautiful he was. “Different how?” You teased.
“Curvier, sparklier, sexier. Much more cleavage. I could keep going.” he smirked.
“Cleavage, huh?” You said, resting your hand on top of his as he leaned against the trim of the closet.
“Mmmm, cleavage. You know I’m much more of a tits guy the ass, though I do have to say your ass looks amazing, maybe even just as good.” He winked.
“Well tell me, do they feel better?” You said, pulling his hand away from the wall and slyly under the jumpsuit to your left breast. He let out a breath of satisfaction, immediately starting to massage it as he easily pulled it out of your revealing top.
“Ah, gotta be careful dancing tonight, Love, seems like you could easily slip out of your top.” He smirked.
“And would you even care?”
“Not as long as other people didn’t watch. Want ‘ya all to myself.” He smiled, bending to attach his lips to your nipple as he roughly applied both of his hands to your ass, immediately kneading both sides in his hands.
You let out a moan of satisfaction, arms draped around his neck. As he switched to the opposite breast you noticed a light pink dress shirt in his closet that you started to put on him as he continued his work.
“You know, usually people undress their boyfriends in situations like this, not put on clothes.”
“I’m trying to get to disco!” You jokingly protested as you put the shirt on him, Roger aggravated as he couldn’t continue his suckling while you did so.
Once you finished with his shirt he said, “By the way, your tits are hanging out.” He joked, stopping your hand as you reached up to conceal yourself. “I wanna do it.” He playfully whined as you threw your hands up in resignation. He continued massaging both of your breasts as he put them each underneath their sequined layer of fabric. He put on his coat and shoes, also grabbing his fur coat matching to yours and draped it over his arm as he grabbed your hand to go to the club as the two of you walked out of the house toward the car.
“And by the way, my little experiment back in the bedroom once again proved your breasts feel much better than your ass.” He joked, squeezing your breast as he opened the door for you.
Each of his actions did things to you.
Things you didn’t know if you could ignore once returning to a friendship back in London.
On the car ride to the club, Roger constantly kept his hand on your inner thigh, rubbing and squeezing, every once in a while, rubbing your core to which you’d let out a breath of air and a smile from the pleasure his motions brought you.
“You know,” you started, “ I don’t even know how you’re driving right now. I’m not even trying to focus on anything and yet I can’t focus on anything except your touches.”
“Sorry Love, can’t fucking help it when you dress like that, tease me all day. Show me how amazing only you have ever made me feel five times in a night?” He grunted.
“Have I really affected you that much today?”
“So are you saying we can pull over?” He said, hoping you’d relieve him of the throbbing inside his pants. You did it much better than anyone else ever had the night before.
“No! It’s already 10:00, Rog, I wanna get there before everyone else leaves.” He let out a puff of air in annoyance. “You know, you’re much more sexual after sundown.” He laughed at your accusation.
“Touché.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When you arrived at the club, the music was loud and you could hear all the people inside, evident by the amount of cars parked out front. You walked inside hand in hand in your fur coats, paying the bouncer to put them in the coat check as you absorbed the night life in front of you, quickly pulling Roger to the dance floor before he could even get a drink. As you arrived, Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry started, and the crowd went wild. You started dancing just facing him, hands held together as the two of you jumped back and forth with the fast beat, and just before the chorus at the lyric “Somebody turned around,” you turned yourself around, ducking under one of his arms so they were tightly wrapped around you as they pushed you into him. In doing so you immediately slowed the rhythm down, only grinding your hips back into him at the start of each measure throughout the entire chorus. You felt his arms squeeze you tighter into him as he bucked his hips with the slower rhythm to the song, matching your movements. You heard him softly and lowly moaning into your ear, only audible to you because of the volume of the club. As the chorus ended with the line that starts “Lay down and boogie” you slid out of his arms, forcing him to watch you as you swayed your hips side to side as you slowly dropped with the music, your hands gliding up your sides as you purposely pursed the fabric so he could see clearly down your jumpsuit, hearing him let out a quiet grunt as you hit the word “die” with the end of your drop to the floor, hands now joined as you bent at your waist as you stood, upper body slowly coming up as your hands traced along your legs giving him a clear view of your toned, dancers body, bending suggestively in front of him, clear to him what you were implying. Once you were fully stood up, he grabbed your arm, whipping you around to face him as he pulled you off the dance floor, and toward the back of the club, entering a bathroom and quickly locking the door behind him. Once the closed door muffled the sound of the partying crowd you said,
“What was that for?”
“God,” He rushed out, “With you dancing like that I couldn’t make it through one fucking song. You know exactly what you’re doing. You’re killing me. Making me incredibly hard only in the way you do, and let me remind you in public, Y/N. I can’t handle it anymore, my hearts fucking racing, I feel like I’m going to explode. I need you right fucking now, Y/N.”
“Aww, Roggie,” you teased. “I thought you’d never ask.” You finished as he pulled you flush to his body.
“Stop fucking teasing me, which you have been for the last hour, and please just let me fuck you.” He growled, his voice animalistic.
“By all means, go right ahead.” You smirked.
You let him unzip the back of your jumpsuit, shrugging it off your shoulders as it immediately dropped to the floor leaving you in a lacy, black, thong.
“Too perfect.” He mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your lips and picked you up to sit you on the edge of the sink counter top. He attached his lips to your neck, leaving you a mess as you ran your fingers through his hair, thankful for the loud music that would drown out your sounds of ecstasy to passerby’s. Roger pressed a finger to your clit, massaging as you became a mess beneath his touches. “I’m sorry I’m moving so fast, Baby,” he said, breathless, “I’m just gonna stretch you out a little before, you know. I wouldn’t last if we had a lot of foreplay right now. You have no idea what you do to me.” He shyly admitted.
“That’s fine,” you smiled, cupping his cheeks in your hands as you pressed a kiss to his lips, completely enamored with the man in front of you who turned every small pain in your body to bliss, and your darkest thoughts to dreams of sunshine.
He kept his lips attached to yours, massaging one breast in one hand as he pushed your panties to the side, rubbing a finger up and down your core before fastly inserting two. Your breath hitched from the unexpected action, a moan of pain and pleasure paralyzing you as you leaned back into the wall behind you. Your breathing quickened, rubbing Roger’s back as you squeezed your eyes shut. He started scissoring with his already fast speed, not only trying to get you to the same level of arousal he was at, but also trying to prepare you for his member. He never remembered being so hard in his life.
“I’ve gotta add another.” He breathlessly muttered, you nodding against his lips. As he inserted his other finger, you tilted your head back, in that moment oblivious to every other thing in the world except for you and Roger. In your ears, the music became silent, and you didn’t even notice a knock on the door. In that moment you and Roger were the only two people that mattered.
“You ready?” he asked, as you nodded feverishly. He pulled down his pants, his aching member suffering to spring lose. He looked at the space around you, unsure of how you two would manage this. You read his eyes, hopping from the counter and bending yourself over it. “You sure this is how you wanna do this, Love?”
“Please,” You begged, watching in the mirror as he grabbed your hips, inserting himself deep into your core.
You had never let out a louder moan in your life. It was honestly more of a scream of immense pleasure from how deep he was inside you, how much larger he was than the night before, how fast he was pounding into you, and the fact that you could watch it all happen in the mirror in front of you. It was obvious you both weren’t going to last long. You hadn’t tried this position the night before, and were feeling things you hadn’t even known you could feel. The look on Roger’s face said the same thing, and you couldn’t help but agree with what he’d said on the beach earlier.
Made for each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After your sweaty bodies became one and you fixed your hair and makeup so it wasn’t completely apparent what just went on in the bathroom, you and Roger exited as you picked at your fingernails and joined the crowd of other young people on the dance floor. All your favorites like ABBA and Chic came on, making the night perfect. It was apparent how much better of a dancer you were than Roger, and how comfortable you were with the disco style. Roger loved watching you dance; it reminded him of the first time he saw you.
“Say, Baby, make sure you learn how to do some Latin dancing while you’re in Spain.” He joked.
“Why?” You said as you danced to Shake Your Groove Thing with him.
“You’re an amazing dancer. Definitely have the hips and rhythm for it. Salsa, Cha Cha, Rumba, I don’t care. Whatever you can learn, learn it.” He said his instructions with such conviction it made you laugh. Just then a voice came over the speakers.
“Alright folks, grab your partners, because we’re slowing things down all the way back to the ‘50’s. This slow dance is for all you couples out there.”
The song Put Your Head on My Shoulder came on as you draped your arms around his neck and your head on his shoulder as his arms pulled you close to his body. He softly sang the words to you as you swayed back and forth.
“Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me, tell me that you love me too”
As the song ended you pulled your head up to look at him.
“I think that’s our song, Love.” He smiled, pressing his nose to yours.
Emotional at the situation before you, you could only nod your head as you pressed your lips to his.
Once you arrived home that night, you were both extremely exhausted from the full day you had, and retired to bed in Roger’s room almost immediately. You wore one of his shirts to bed as you climbed into his arms under the covers laying on your side as he spooned you, nuzzling his face in your neck every once in a while.
“So tomorrow.” He said awkwardly in the pitch black.
“Yeah.”
“Yeah.”
“Do you…” he was hesitant to ask his question.
“No, I don’t know yet. I’m just so thankful for this time we had together and for the fact that you’re in my life now. I’m so happy for where we are right now, and please don’t ever forget how much I love you, Roger Taylor. I know this has only been a short, fleeting moment of a relationship without knowing it’s outcome, but remember love you with all my heart”
“I love you more, Baby. So much more. And don’t try to prove you love me more, because you’ll never able to. I’ll always love you more, and that’s the way it should be.” He said, pressing a kiss to the back of your head as the two of you drifted off to sleep with plans to leave around four the next day.
You awoke to the smell of bacon, cold from Roger’s absence. You got up, walking down the hallway to find him cooking for you in the kitchen once again. He was so focused, he didn’t hear you come behind him and jumped when you wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his shirtless back.
“Hi, Baby.” He smiled.
“Hi.” You managed to get out, as your eyes filled with tears.
“What’s wrong?” He said, flipping around to see you looking up, trying to get rid of your tears.
Your lips pressed into a tight line. A couple tears slipped down your cheeks. “It’s just- today,-“ You were unable to form words. You moved your hands as you spoke to try to get your point across.
“I know, I don’t want it to end either.” He said, trying not to cry, as he came to you and engulfed you in a huge hug, you pressing your face into his chest. “Do you, well, do you know?”
“No” you whispered through your sobs, shaking your head. He stroked your hair for comfort.
“Shh, Love, please don’t cry.” He said, rocking back and forth. He then picked you up and sat you on the edge of the counter, walking in between your legs, picking your chin up to look at him. He wiped some of your tears away. “Whatever you decide will be the right decision. I promise you whatever you do, I'm okay with. I might want something else, but in the end I’ll know you were probably right.” He joked, making you laugh through your tears. “We still got all day. We don’t have to leave until later, so I wanna relax before we leave so I’m not too tired driving home, but we have pretty much all day, Y/N. And it’s not like this is the last time you’ll see me. Even if we… well, you know. You’ll still see me all the time.” He had to be strong for you.
“I know.”
“Please don’t cry. I hate to see you so sad.”
“It’s not your fault, I brought all this on myself. Maybe if I wasn’t so skeptical of everything-“
“Hey, you’re just being logical and I’m so proud of you for that. Let’s not talk about it until we get back.”
“Until you drop me off.”
“Okay, until I drop you off. Whatever happens, I love you.”
“I love you too.” He pressed his lips to yours, still wiping away your tears. You couldn’t help but cry at the situation. You knew what you’d have to do, but just couldn’t deal with it yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tuesday, the day after they got home.
You and Roger arrived home late from the beach the night before, so you just stayed overnight with him in his room at his and Brian’s shared apartment. Besides, it’d be weird not having him with you once you returned back to the dorm. Roger got up after kissing your nose and making you smile to start breakfast (the now usual routine for you two) and you heard a bang in the kitchen. “Fuck!” “Rog? What’s wrong, Love?” “I bloody missed rehearsal yesterday; didn’t even think of it. I just saw it on mine and Bri’s calendar. There’s a rehearsal now, started a half hour ago. Brian must’ve left already. They’re gonna fucking kill me.” He said, running past you to get changed in his room. “You’re coming with me, c’mon, Love get changed.” “Roger, I don't have any of my normal clothes with me. I- I can’t go out like th-” “Go out like what?” He came up to you and placed his hands on your shoulders. “Looking absolutely gorgeous? It’s just the boys. You’ll be fine.” “Okay,” you tentatively said, and began looking through your suitcase.
“Maybe you could wear that sheer pantsuit you wore a couple days ago?” Roger smirked. “Oh, fuck off.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The two of you rushed into the rehearsal hand in hand in your matching coats. It was much colder back in London. You opted to wear your collared Peter Pan dress. “Well there’s our drummer.” Brian huffed. “Brian, I’m sorry, really.” “No call? No attempt to change the schedule?” “I’m sorry, we were busy. I forgot.” “You forgot? You forgot about your band and you both forgot about your roommates and your best friends?” Brian pressed. “Alright, now that he’s here can we just fucking play?” John asked , throwing his hands in the air. He kept staring at you. At your necklace. Freddie pulled you to the side. “So? You two didn't come back the same as when you left. Something happened, didn’t it? Something good.” “Something more than good,” you whispered back. “But yeah. Something happened alright.” “You’ll tell me?” he said, hopeful, just like a little kid. “Later” You winked, and went to sit and watch the band play.
“Oh, and I like your necklace.” Freddie smiled. After they finished practicing, Freddie, Brian, and Roger were over by the piano discussing songwriting, and John came up to you, yet turning his face away from you. You saw his shoulders shake. “Deaky, what's wrong?” you said springing up to him. “Lovely,” he whispered, shaking his head as tears fell from his eyes. “Y/n,” he closed his eyes shut quickly as he thought about the pain surrounding what he was about to say. He motioned to the blonde in the corner as he quietly sobbed, “D-do you love him? Are you in love with him?”
You didn’t know what to say.
Of course you loved Roger. Said it multiple times over the last four days. But could John really handle to hear that right now? You looked over to Roger as he laughed with his friends and patted Brian on the back. You hadn’t made a decision yet. You and Roger hadn’t talked; he hadn’t dropped you off at home yet.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? You don’t know if you’re in love with someone? Unbelievable.” He said, shaking his head.
Suddenly both of your attentions were drawn to the conversation at the piano.
“Yes Roger! Absolutely brilliant idea! Pulls the whole song together. I missed you terribly yesterday.” Freddie said, pulling Roger in for a hug. Then he loudly gasped.
He noticed Roger’s necklace.
Remembered yours as he looked between the two of you.
You and Roger saw the realization come across his face, the smile on Roger’s fading. Then Freddie pulled Roger closer again, smelling his neck, his shirt, then when he smelled his hair, an even bigger light bulb went off.
An even louder gasp.
“You had sex!” Freddie exclaimed.
“Freddie,” Roger said lowly, warning him to stop talking. Freddie ignored him and ran over to you, looking at your fingernails, picked down to the cuticle he noticed. You always did that after being with someone. It was a nervous tick, per-say. He smelled your hair too.
“So did you!” He exclaimed. Brian looked at him, eyes wide in disbelief that he hadn’t put two and two together if his suspicions were right.
He prayed they weren’t.
Roger came to stand between you and Freddie, an act of protection.
Then an even louder gasp came out as it hit him.
“Oh my god, you two had sex?!”
Your look down seemed to confirm it.
“I can’t believe you.” Your voice tremored as you looked up at Freddie. “When are you going to learn to just mind your own business?”
Freddie realized what he just did, saw the hurt in your eyes. You and Roger weren’t actually together yet.
“I’m sorry, I can’t handle this right now.” John said, head down as he wiped away another tear and stormed out of the building.
“John, wait!” You screamed after him, running to the door and flinging it open. “It’s not like that!” You screamed, but he was nowhere in sight.
“It’s not like that, huh?” You heard Roger say behind you. You turned to see him with a look of disbelief on his face, his eyes red.
“Rog, I didn’t mean it like that I just-“
Brian walked up to the two of you, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you, Roger. You knew how I felt and yet you- And you know how I felt about the trip, and what I asked you. What I asked you not to do?” he shook his head again, his lips pursing. “Wow, I’ve got some best friend.”
“I’m gonna go sit in the car.” You said.
“Y/N wait!” Roger screamed after you.
You still hadn’t made a decision.
“Brian, please let me explain, but just not here, not now. John ran off, now Y/N’s all upset. Should probably go make sure she’s okay.” Roger said, the look of betrayal still prevalent on Brian’s face.
“Just let her be Rog,” Freddie started. “She’ll be fine. She’s just going through an identity crisis.”
“You,” Roger started, waving his finger at Freddie. “How dare you just expose her like that in front of everyone? She’s supposed to be your best friend. How could you do that to her?”
“Well I guess I wasn’t thinking.” Freddie admitted.
“That’s exactly right, mate. You weren’t thinking. Now look what you’ve done. And she’s going through a hell of a lot more than an identity crisis.”
“It all goes back to the fact she’s ashamed she left her family. Doesn’t know who she is anymore.”
“No, that’s not it. You don’t know.”
“Well of course I know, she’s my best friend, and-” Roger cut him off to make his point clearer.
“Freddie. You. Don’t. Know.” Freddie stood there awestruck. “I- I gotta go get her. Make sure she’s okay. I’m sorry Brian, I truly am. I promise it’ll all be okay later.” He said before grabbing both of your coats and quickly walking out to the car where he found you hugging your knees in the front seat as you cried.
“Cold?” He asked, opening the door as he tried to lighten the mood.
“Yeah,” You whined, standing up and burying your face into his chest as you softly wept and he put your fur coat on you. “Can I go home now?”
He let out a big breath of air. “ ‘Course. You know what your decision is going to be?”
You nodded your head as you cried.
“Alright then. Still need to stop by my apartment to get all your things.”
With that, you got into the car, holding hands the whole way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Brian drove Freddie home, he asked him, “How did you know, Fred?”
“Huh?” He said, snapping back to reality from his world of ogres and fairies.
“How’d you know… her and Roger I mean.”
“Oh, well-um” he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “There were a couple things that went into it. First of all, I realized a couple years ago that you can pick up a different smell on people you are around all the time a day or so after the have sex. It’s kind of musky, and you only smell it in their hair. They also had matching necklaces and matching coats, and Roger was acting extremely protective toward her. It’s obvious he’s in love with her but she doesn’t know how she feels.” That gave Brian hope. “And lastly, the thing that really gave it away was Y/N’s fingernails.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Brian said, completely confused.
“Y/N has this weird thing that right after she has sex with someone she picks her fingernails down to the cuticle to the point they almost bleed. Sounds quite painful if you ask me, Darling. I never understood it; must be some type of nervous tick. But it’s always a dead giveaway if she hooked up with someone or not.”
“Oh. So it’s definite then.”
“Well, yeah. I mean she definitely had sex on their trip, Roger probably did, and since they were together the whole time, extended it without telling a single soul, and come back with matching coats and necklaces I’d say it just makes the most sense.”
“Right.” Brian said defeated. “So now three of us are in love with her in some kind of way?”
“You’re in love with her?”
“I guess so. I’m so crazy about her, Fred. I don’t know if I can say “in love” since we’re not together yet, but I really thought there was hope for us after the pumpkin patch. But then Rog expressed he liked her too, and I was too scared to tell him I wanted her, so instead I just said I kinda liked her too and until she decided between us, not to do anything sexual on the trip. Guy code, you know? And I guess I was naive in thinking she didn’t think of Deaky that way, but then with the way she reacted when he ran out, I think she might like him too. I’ve got no shot. Please don’t tell her how I feel, though. Don’t tell Rog either. I gotta find a way to calm my emotions and deal with him tonight.”
“In all honesty Brian, I really don’t think she’s with Roger. She said she needed time, seemed she had reservations. There’s still hope. I’m rooting for you, Brian. I know you won’t hurt my girl.”
“Thanks, Fred. Let’s hope.” The pair smiled at each other. “Wait, you call her “your girl”,-“
“Oh no, I promise we’re not like that.”
“I know. Just listen. You call her “your girl” yet you call her out like that and make her feel like shit today? I know I called her and Roger out for being bloody awful best friends, but how does exposing her intimacy in front of everyone make you any better?”
Freddie sighed. “I wasn’t thinking. I truly wasn’t. I feel awful, I hope I didn’t lose her forever. It’s just, at home, we joke about that kind of stuff. Bluntly call each other out. We’re really brutally honest with each other at all times, or so I thought we were until Rog said there’s something I don’t know, and now I’m all insecure and hoping I didn’t lose her. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her.” Tears came to his eyes.
“Hey, Fred. You won’t lose her. She talks so great of you. You’re the only person she really relies on in her entire life, she told me so herself. Tell her exactly what you just said. It’ll all be fine. And whatever is bothering her, she’ll tell you. You just gotta talk to her.” He said, pulling in front of the dorm.
“I know you’re nervous to express your feelings, darling, but you need to talk to her too.” Freddie said, hugging Brian and opening the door to the car. “Thanks for the ride,” he said getting out of the car. “ and good luck with Rog tonight. Call me later or tomorrow and let me know how it all plays out.” Freddie winked as his friend threw him a soft smile and he went inside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your last moments spent with Roger before definitively having to make a decision were mostly left in silence. When you arrived at the apartment, you went inside and put all your things in your bag, since it’s contents were mostly strewn across Roger’s room from trying to find something to wear that morning. Once finished, you stood by the door waiting for Roger to finish his search for whatever he was looking for in the kitchen cabinets. After a couple minutes, he approached you with a soft smile, taking your bag from your grasp and intertwining his hand with yours as he silently lead you back to the car.
On the way to your dorm, hands still intertwined he broke the silence. “Are you mad at him?”
“Hm?”
“Freddie?”
“Oh. No, I don’t think it’d do any good for me to be mad at him, I live with him in one room for Christ’s sake.”
“How can you be so forgiving?”
“Well, I hope he’d be that way for me. I’ve gotta break the whole Spain thing to him soon. It’ll be better if we’re both not mad at each other.”
“I told you Freddie isn’t gonna be mad about that, Baby.”
“I don’t know.” You muttered.
“Well anyway, I’m gonna have a mouthful to hear when I get back home.” He said, changing the subject.
“Brian’s really that mad?”
“Well, he um, yeah. Think he likes you too. He was pretty odd about me taking you on the trip, and then Freddie,”
“I see,” you said, understanding. As if this wasn’t already hard, Brian liked you too. Great.
Roger turned onto your street. “But I can’t let him get my girl, now can I?”
“I’m not your girl, Roger.” You said under your breath as you pulled your hand away from him, the actions unfolding in the car making you both completely oblivious to Brian driving opposite you. Roger quickly diverted his eyes from the road to look at you in shock as he turned into the driveway of your dorm, once again pulling up to the front of the building and putting his car in park.
“Hey,” he gave you a sad smile. “At least I can say I tried.” He got out of the car and opened the door for you as you immediately got out and jumped into his arms, tears welling in your eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Roger.”
“It’s okay Ba-Love.” He corrected himself. It was shocking how quickly a nickname became custom, even if it was just adopted a couple days ago. He pushed the door shut just as Freddie reached the door to your shared dorm, confused as to who was out front. He receded back, walking into the common room and seeing the two of you on the sidewalk as he opened the window to observe.
You continued to weep. “I understand, Y/N. I don’t like it, but I understand.” He tried comforting you.
“But I know how you feel about me, and I just feel awful.” You cried. A tear slipped down his cheek.
“I know.” He whispered. He kissed your head as he broke your hug, grabbing your bags from the back seat, and setting them on the ground beside you.
“Thank you, for this weekend I mean. I’ve never felt like someone was so in love with me as you made me feel these last couple days. It was nice.” You smiled, grabbing his hand as he stood across from you.
“That love hasn’t just gone away, Y/N. Even right here as you’re dumping me, I’m still crazy about you.” He laughed.
“But Roger-”
“I know, I know. You don’t have to tell me. I know nothing I’m saying is going to change your mind. I just wanted to make sure you know how I feel while I still have the time.”
You laughed as you cried out more tears. You’d experienced heartbreak before, heartbreak from relationships that had lasted eight months to two years, yet none of them had ever hurt this bad. The two of you weren’t crying because it was the end and your attraction had died as it had with your previous boyfriends, you were crying because it was the beginning. The hope for the two of you and your beautiful relationship seemed shattered.
“I love you Roger.” You said, pressing your lips to his for the last time. It was a wet and salty kiss from each of your tears combining as they streamed down your faces.
As you pulled away, he said, “I know this is the end for now, but it doesn’t have to be, Baby. If you change your mind, you know where to find me,” he smiled as he started back toward the car.
“Thanks, Rog.” You didn’t know what else to say. His absence made you hold your stomach as you cried even harder.
“Please don’t cry.” He said, running back to you and wrapping his arms around you. It seemed like the string that was wrapped around the two of you wouldn’t let you part. You wrapped your arms around his neck, as you felt his shoulders shake.
“But you’re crying!” You laughed.
“Well ‘course I’m crying,” he said sarcastically, “my heart is being broken by the love of my life.”
“Oh, please.” You responded, a joking nature coming between the two of you.
“I almost forgot,” he smiled, reaching into his pocket. He placed a car key in your hands.
“Roger-” you gasped.
“Told you I was giving you my car.”
“I can’t accept this.”
“You’ve gotta.” he smiled. “Who’s gonna drive it when I buy my new one?” He silently mouthed ”you” as he pointed at you, making you laugh. “I just need this one until I buy my new one; should only be a couple weeks or so, but you can take the car whenever you need it, just give me a call.”
You were speechless. He embraced you in his arms one last time; you both knew this was the end.
“W- why, why are you so nice to me?” You said softly. Neither of you wanted to let go.
He lightly chuckled. “It isn’t obvious by now?”
You looked up at him with your chin on his chest awaiting his answer.
“I’m madly in love with you, Baby. Not a second has gone by this whole weekend that I don’t love you more and more. Believe me, it’s been short, but it’s real. Strongest I’ve ever felt for someone. On our trip, I realized that when you’re in love with someone, their return of affection doesn’t matter. It’s nice, but not really what you want. All I want is to make your life easier; to make you happy. As long as I do that, then I’m happy too.”
You let out a sob as you held him tighter, not sure if you were doing the right thing by letting him go.
“I’m gonna go now, Y/N. I- I think I need some time alone.” He stuttered.
You nodded understandingly, and as his went to pull away, a little chain around both of your necks was keeping you stuck together. Your necklaces had found each other once again, forming their heart as they strung the two of you together for one last fleeting moment. You both silently laughed as you reached your hand up to part your necklaces, and he walked with his head down to the drivers side of the car. “I really thought she’d say yes.” He thought.
Opening the door, he said, “I love you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N. Always will, Baby.” With that, he got in and drove away, wiping the tears out of his eyes as he planned to drive to a bar and think for a while.
You watched him as he drove away, your sobs becoming louder as you realized what you’d done. The heartache was unbearable. You sat on your bag, unable to walk inside, and buried your face in your knees.
A couple minutes later, you felt a pair of arms wrap around you from behind, rocking you back and forth to comfort you. “It’s alright, Darling. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
My Angel, Freddie.
You thought, wrapping your arms around him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once Freddie had gotten you inside, he held you in his lap on the edge of your bed as the room seemed to dim around you. He assured you everything would be okay and whispered words of comfort until you finally stopped crying. He continued running his fingers through your hair in the ear piercing silence, finally blurting out,
“Are you mad at me?”
“No Freddie, I’m not mad.” You said nonchalantly as you sat up next to him.
“Even after all I said?”
“Yeah, even after all you said.” You laughed. “I know you didn’t mean it.”
He smiled; it looked like a thousand pounds were lifted off his back. “Yeah, I didn’t mean it.” he giggled back. “You looked so mad, though.”
You’d never seen Freddie act so shy and depressed. He was acting quiet; for him that was never a good sign. You could tell he knew he was wrong. “I was mad at your impulsiveness. I’m fine joking around if it’s just us, and like I said I know you didn’t mean it. Knowing you, it probably just came out, but in front of the guys is what really got me upset. Mainly John’s reaction is what made me kind of mad.”
“I’m sorry.” He candidly admitted.
“I know you are.” You smiled, giving him a hug. “I think I’m gonna go to John’s later tonight. Him and I need to hang out more anyways.” You smiled.
“In your new car?”
“You know about that?” You said astonished.
“Oh of course I do, Darling. Watched the whole thing in the window.”
You laughed. “I’d bust on you, but I was planning on telling you what happened anyways so I guess your incessant nosy-ness saved me some breath.”
“Still have to explain what lead up to that, I’m majorly confused about the weekend.”
“I will, I promise.”
After going into detail about what you and Roger did each day and how your romance bloomed over the trip leading all the way up to your departure just minutes before, it was silent. Freddie had just listened throughout the entire thing, and you could tell after finishing your story he was stuck thinking about something. Nothing was said for a while.
“You know, you’re an absolute idiot.” He stated, seemingly out of nowhere.
“Hey! Why do you say that?” You playfully defended.
“Darling, look what you gave up. You gave up the guy of your dreams. The guy you’ve always wanted, type of guy looks and personality wise at least from what you’ve told me. I never would have expected all that from Roger. And have you seen the way he looks at you? I watched him all of rehearsal; he can’t keep his eyes off of you. I’d never seen Roger sadder than when you just broke up with him. I’ve known him for a little over a year, and been there when his parents divorced and grandmother died; neither time was his that upset. He knows what he could have with you; you can tell he sees it all now. I’m talking about a life with you, Y/N. a happiness, someone to rely on and pamper, and here you just threw it out the window.”
“Well I guess I didn't think of it that way.” You admitted.
“Obviously.” He scoffed.
“Well,” You started, already shaking at what you were about to do. “There’s another big reason for why I decided not to stay with him.”
Here goes nothing.
“Oh god, I don’t know how to tell you this.” You whispered.
Freddie nodded his head expectantly. He’d had a realization. “This is the thing I don’t know, isn’t it?”
You nodded, trying to avoid his glare of betrayal. You and Freddie told each other everything. It was a part of your unofficial roommate agreement. You always wondered if there were things he didn’t tell you, but the way he was looking at you showed he’d never lied or kept anything from you once. It made you feel awful.
“Well,” he spat, crossing his arms. “get on with it then.”
“I, uh, I-” you stuttered, “I’m going to Spain.” You blurted out, voice cracking at the end of your confession in efforts not to cry.
“That’s it? That’s what you thought you had to hide from me?”
“Well-”
“Y/N! Darling!” he laughed, “That’s nothing to hide from me! That’s so exciting! When are you to go? Maybe I could come with you!”
“I’m going for school, Freddie. I’m transferring. There was an opportunity that popped up, and I’ll be in one of the most prestigious orchestras in two years. I just didn’t know how to tell you I was leaving you because you’re really all I have, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.” You were trying to hold back your tears.
“Oh.” He coughed. “Well, I-”
“Please don’t be mad,” you pled as you cut him off.
“Y/N, I’m not mad, Darling. I’m insanely proud of you.” He laughed, getting choked up as a couple tears slid down his face. “Gonna miss you like crazy, but more proud than I’ve ever been in my life.” He smiled, flinging his arms around you as you cried happy tears of relief from stressing about him being mad. “Why didn't you think you could tell me?”
“I just thought you’d be mad at me. You’ll be out of a place to live, won’t see me as much. I think it was honestly because I was afraid to lose you; didn’t want to accept that soon I wouldn’t be seeing you every day.”
“Y/N. We’re gonna be just fine. I promise you.” He said, tapping the tip of your nose with his finger. “So is this the real reason you said no to Roger?”
“Yeah,” You sadly admitted.
“Well, I can’t tell you what to do about this one, Love. This decision is up to you, you have to recognize what you can and can’t handle when you’re away.”
You nodded.
“Just give yourself time to think about it. Kay?”
“Kay.”
You took a deep breath, smiling at your friend, deeply thankful for all he’d done for you.
“I’m gonna go to John’s, okay?”
He nodded. “You calling to borrow your new car?”
“No. I think it'd be better if I didn’t see Roger so soon.”
He nodded understandably. “So?”
“So, I’m gonna walk. I think it’ll be a good time for me to clear my head.”
“Be safe.”
You rolled your eyes. He was always so worried about you, your happiness, your well being.
“I’ll be fine.” You laughed, quickly fixing your makeup as your grabbed a coat and reached for the door.
“Call me when you get there!”
“Love you, Freddie!” You smiled shaking your head as you shut the door behind you.
It was time to make things right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Roger walked in the door with a slight buzz, yet mainly drunk on his depression. Brian sat in a recliner, glaring at Roger as he hung his coat on the hook.
“I don’t wanna hear it right now, Brian. I just lost the love of my life.”
“You’re being dramatic, Roger. I just wanted to-”
“You just wanted to what, Bri?!” He said, throwing his hands up in the air as he sat in a chair next to him. “Make me feel even worse? Remind me how bad of a friend I am? I’m sorry, okay? Sometimes things just happen!”
Brian took a deep breath.“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I lost it. I just wanted her to be mine, but the decision isn’t up to me. It’s up to her. And if she chose you-”
“She didn’t choose me, mate.”
Brian was shocked. He couldn’t believe that without knowing anything, Freddie had predicted it all.
“Freddie was right about her again.” He said, shaking his head.
“I really thought she was going to, though. I damn near fell down when she decided we’d be parting ways. I really thought shed feel the same way; like we couldn’t live without each other. She’s going to Spain. That means you and I both shit out of luck. I tried to give her everything and she doesn’t care. When’d you talk to Freddie?”
“I drove him home after rehearsal. I was upset because of everything that happened between the two of you, but Freddie said he didn’t think she had made a decision. He always knows what’s up with her, even without knowing the situation. So if you want her, you have to talk to Freddie.”
Roger thought for a moment. “But I have talked to Freddie. He told me she likes chocolate covered strawberries.”
“No I mean you have to get closer with him, make it so he’ll tell her to go out with you; talk about you all the time. Not that I want you to do that, though.” Brian laughed.
“Don’t worry, mate. I don’t think I’ll be hearing from her for a long time.” Pause “Do you think we have anything to worry about with her and Fred?”
“I’ve been thinking the same thing lately. I can’t tell if they’re close or if she likes him.”
“Well then I guess we’re just gonna have to wait.” Roger said as he smiled hopefully at his friend.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You knocked on John’s door to his apartment after about a half hour walk. He opened it with the look on his face immediately going from shocked to mad.
“Hi.”
“Please just let me explain, Deaky.”
He paused, and you were unsure of what he’d decide to do. Just as it looked like he was going to shut the door in your face, he opened all the way and slammed it shut behind you.
You sat at his kitchen table after calling Freddie, unsure of what to say as he paced behind you. It was silent for a couple minutes. You played with your hair, put on a lip gloss, ripped up a napkin in front of you- anything to keep you distracted. It was obvious the thought of you and Roger had hurt him- something you never meant to do, but it got you thinking. Why had this upset him so much? There was only one explanation:
He had feelings for you.
Although you just realized it, a part of you had always known. He was still your best friend and always had been, but realizing he had feelings explained some of his actions from the last couple years of high school, like how he asked you to prom in October, eight months early. He said he didn’t want to wait and risk losing you to someone else.
Risk losing you.
It all made sense. You glanced back at him, his auburn hair flowing behind him as he paced, his almond eyes focused in frustration. You figured a part of you had feelings for him too, or else you wouldn’t be here right now trying to fix things. You smiled at the thought of you and John dating, how happy it’d make his mom, who loved you and always gave you the consolation you lacked in your own home. If you two ended up together, it’d seem like your whole life would have came full circle.
“Why are you here?” he stated, breaking his silence as his pacing paused at a chair across from you.
He caught you off guard, and with no idea what to say, you blurted out, “I like your hair.”
He looked at you puzzled, immediately confused, so he pulled out the chair and sat down. “What?”
“Um- I… I didn’t mean that.” You felt so out of place and uncomfortable. “Well I mean I did, your hair looks great. I like it long. But that’s not why I’m here.” You let out a sigh as John blew out a puff of air, attempting to not look at you. It was silent for a moment. “I think you know why I’m here.”
“Fucking get on with it then. Guess I was a bloody idiot for not thinking this day would ever come.” He spat.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s nothing- no sense in you knowing at this point. Just get it over with.” His voice was cold and hurt. It made you feel dreadful.
“John I just wanna talk. Roger and I are over.”
His eyes perked up, figure relaxing a bit.
“So you two were together?”
“No, not really. I don’t know. I just don’t think he’s the right choice for me right now with how my life is kinda playing out. Now I know you got upset earlier, and I understand why, but there’s nothing with Roger and I anymore. In my eyes it was just like meeting someone at a bar and going home with them that night, or meeting someone on vacation. That’s happened to you before, right?” Of course that was a complete lie, you loved Roger, but you just were trying to make him happy at this point.
He nodded. “Oh, I guess I over reacted.”
You smiled, seeing you were getting through to him.
“What about the coats then?”
“Roger bought those for us before we even went on the trip. He tried real hard to get us to be a real relationship; he really likes me. But I…” You sighed. “I just don’t know.”
“Oh. I’m sorry I- Well, you know. I just- I’m sorry I don’t know how to say this.” He nervously laughed.
“I know.” You smiled, reaching across the table for his hand.
“You do?”
You nodded. “Well I mean you stormed out when you heard I had sex with another guy, asked me if I loved him. I kinda put two and two together.” You laughed.
“I was planning to ask you out a week after you got to school, did you know that?” He admitted, slightly sad yet sincere.
“You what?”
He spoke with a smile lit across his face. “Mhm. Sat there under that willow tree crying like a baby for hours after you left me. I already had the order for the flowers in to a florist near my school, had the route highlighted on the map I’d be using to drive to your dorm.” his smile faded, a look of sadness replacing it. “But that’s in the past. I’ve barely talked to you in over a year so, you know,” He laughed awkwardly. “Things change. People change.”
“Oh, John.” You gasped, hand slapping over your mouth as you tried to hold back the tears at the thought of what would have been. “I would’ve said yes.” You whispered.
He shook his head in disbelief. Angry at himself for not asking you sooner, while also angry with you for cutting him out. “You- you can't tell me that now. You messed up, Y/N. Now you’ve gotta fix it.”
“Don’t you think I know that!? Why couldn’t you have asked me earlier!?”
“Because I was afraid I’d lose you! In my eyes I couldn’t win! I’m always so fucking afraid of losing you, Y/N, yet look where we are now!” He yelled back. You both stood at the same time as your argument fumed larger.
“Well maybe if you’d have stopped being so afraid, you wouldn’t have lost me! I would have been your girlfriend! You can’t just put this all on me John,” You yelled, hands flying up in the air, “you’re the one who couldn’t ask me out!”
“You’re the one who broke my heart romantically and lost me my best friend, so yeah, maybe I could have asked you out earlier! But excuse me if I wanted to be romantic and surprise you with it while you were all alone off at college! Maybe I can take some of the blame, but a lot of this is on you, Lovely!” He yelled, an annoyed tone apparently in his voice.
“What about prom night!?!? Was that not romantic enough for you?! I got a purple dress because you say you like me in purple! I wanted to wear black! We danced just the two of us the entire night! Maybe if you made a move we’d be together!!!”
“Maybe if you made a move and didn’t cut me off none of this would be happening! He yelled, the two of you now yelling in each other’s faces.
“Maybe if you’d just shut up!” you yelled, grabbing his shoulders as you pulled him in for a kiss. His hands ran through your hair, and the kiss didn't go too far. It was so passionate from both of your anger, that it was very hard, yet there was so much behind it. Sparks seemed to fly as pent up emotions flooded around the two of you. He pulled away as you both just gasped for air.
“Did you just kiss me?” He said.
“Yeah?”
“Oh my god, you just kissed me.” He paced. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to deal with this right now.” He said.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend-“
“Offend me? Y/N, Lovely, I’ve been waiting for this for years.” He said, smiling as he walked back over to you, caressing your cheek in his hand. “I’ve missed you. You always look like a little doll.” He smiled. “I’ve missed my best friend.”
“I’ve missed you too, Deaky.” You said, tapping your finger on his nose.
“Don’t think that was me friend-zoning you, because I’m not.” He said awkwardly, and it made you laugh.
“Don’t worry, I’ve missed my best friend too.” You glanced at the clock behind him. “I really should get going. I’ve got a half hour walk and I want to be back before sundown.” You smiled.
“I’ll drive you.” he said, grabbing his keys off the counter immediately.
“Oh no that’s alright. I like walking.”
“But I don’t want anything to happen to you, I don’t want to lose you again.”
“I’ll be fine. Freddie’s waiting for me.”
“Alright,” he reluctantly agreed. “Call me when you get home?”
“Of course, just like old times.” You smiled, recollecting how John would make you call him when you got home from his house even though you just lived down the street. “Bye Deaky.” You said, kissing his cheek as you put in your coat.
“Lovely,” he started, “What does this mean for us?”
“That we’re becoming close again?” You naively said.
“You know what I mean.”
“I just can’t have a relationship right now. Are you free tomorrow? I don’t have classes Wednesday’s. I just want to explain why, where I’m going and all.”
“I’m free whenever you need me to be, Y/N.” He smiled. “What time do you want me to pick you up? We can make a day out of it, just like old times.” He smiled, reaching for your hand.
“Just like old times.” The saying made you warm and fuzzy. “Is one okay?”
“Whatever you say, Darling.” He glowed, kissing your cheek. “I’ll see you at one.”
“Kay. Bye John.” You said, hugging him as you left his apartment.
“Bye, Lovely.” He smiled, clutching his chest, the grin not leaving his face the entire night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After you and Freddie ate, you both were awfully tired from the eventful day and decided to go to sleep, but had never felt so empty and uncomfortable.
“Freddie, can you come lay with me?” You said in the darkness.
“Mhm.” He responded, half awake. Once he laid next to you, he was out in seconds, but it still felt like something was missing. There was no chest to put your head on, or arms to be wrapped around your waist. The only thing you had was the body heat from another person, yet you still felt the longing deep in your heart. After hours of stone cold emptiness, it was about 3:30 in the morning, when you finally couldn’t take it anymore. You quietly got up and slipped on your slippers, throwing your silk robe over your shoulders as you quietly rushed to the phone at the end of the hall, dialing the number from Freddie’s address book.
“Hello?” The voice groggily said.
“Hi, it’s Y/N. I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about how I miss having someone with me, and I know how I left things today, and was planning on taking to you tomorrow, but I had to call.”
“I can’t sleep either”
“Can you come get me?”
He sighed.
“Yup. ‘Course.” He said, grabbing a coat. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you.” The smile in his voice made you giddy with excitement. As you hung up the phone, something made you look down.
The diamond in your treble clef necklace made you think about what you just had done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N- Who do you think she called?? Rog or John? I hope youre just as shook as i am!Q&A tmmw! Love y’all-C
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