[The 212th and the 501st relaxing after a mission]
Rex, rubbing his temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.
Fives: But Rex, we don't smoke.
Cody: Cut the crap, Fives. We're not idiots. We know that at least one in five people smoke.
Rex, pointing at Dogma: one *then at Trapper* two *then at Wooley* three *then at Longshot* four *then at Fives* five.
Cody: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarrette between these two fingers.
Trapper, puts a cigarrette in Cody's hand: here, sir
Cody: Thank you.
Fives:
Wooley:
Dogma:
Trapper:
Longshot:
Cody: Light?
(all of them simultaneously pulling out lighters)
——————
Crys: Time freezes for everyone but you one day. What do you do?
Fives: Oh… We’d mildly trouble everyone.
Crys: Alright, so what would you do?
Fives: I’d shave a one-inch thick line in every thick beard I saw.
Echo: I’d twist all the lightbulbs just a little bit so no one would know when they aren’t working.
Fives: I’d make every wing on girls eyeliner just a little bit higher than the other one.
Echo: I’d tie everyone’s shoelaces together.
Echo & Fives: And then lastly, We’d snip a little hole in every tea bag.
Crys:
Echo & Fives:
Crys: Remind me to never allow you to have power.
——————
Kix: How does one turn their emotions off?
Longshot: Okay, so first go to settings.
Hawk: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first.
Kix: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?
——————
Echo: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?
Waxer: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Echo?
Echo: Probably “road work ahead”.
Switch, about to bang his head into a wall: I speak many languages...
Switch: this one is definitely not one of them.
——————
Gearshift: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Hawk: The cow???
Jesse: What?
Oddball: Hawk, W H Y?
——————
Appo: So, what's it like living with Gregor?
Trapper: He once referred to sand as "heterosexual glitter."
——————
Hardcase: I made tea.
Longshot: I don't want tea.
Hardcase: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.
Longshot: Then why did you tell me?
Hardcase: It's a conversation starter.
Longshot: It's a horrible conversation starter.
Hardcase: Oh, is it?
Hardcase: We're conversing, checkmate.
——————
Echo: Rules were made to be broken.
Gearshift: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.
Striker: Uh, piñatas.
Trapper: Glow sticks.
Vaughn: Karate boards.
Wooley: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.
Waxer: Rules.
——————
Echo: What is your favourite mythical story?
Boil: The Story Of My Will To Live.
Echo: I don’t think I’ve heard of that one before.
——————
Axe: I'm not sure what you mean
Axe: I am socializing.
Gregor: Standing there ominously doesn't count as socializing
Axe:
Axe: Since when?
——————
Crys: I was arrested for being too cool.
Vaughn: And the charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.
——————
Hil: I’m going to get so much done today.
Jester: I’ll hold you to that.
*8 hours later*
Jester: So how much did you get done?
Hil: One thing.
Jester: Well, that’s one more than usual.
——————
Switch: Who ate all my cookies?
Tup: Bounty hunters
Switch, confused: I didn’t see them
Tup: No one ever does :)
——————
Fives: The how the fuck’s and why are you so dumb's don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.
——————
Tup: Why is it called "oven" when you of in the cold food and you of out hot eat the food?
Crys: What???
——————
Boil: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!
Fives: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Boil: Oh, I'm sorry. should I ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?
Fives: That's somehow worse.
——————
Cody: When Fives & Echo were born, the gods said, "They're too good for this world."
Jesse: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."
——————
Gearshift: You know, I used to play back in my gory days.
Appo: You mean glory days?
Gearshift: Ah, that too.
——————
Fives: I’m an idiot.
Boil:
Jesse:
Waxer:
Echo:
Trapper:
Fives:
Echo: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.
——————
Kix, looking at both batallions: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.
——————
Boomer: It’s funny how well you and Longshot get along. Didn’t he hate you at first?
Hardcase, nodding: Longshot hates everybody at first. It’s his way of reaching out to people.
——————
Waxer: Are you reading fan fiction?
Denal, reading an article about a extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.
Boil: Oh, is it on AO3?
Denal, ready to punch one of them: This is BBC.
——————
Oddball: Hey, thanks for checking in, I’m ✨still a piece of garbage✨
——————
Sterling: You could be nicer.
Spark: I am.
Sterling: You threatened Wooley with a cooking knife.
Spark: But I didn't actually stab him!
——————
Redeye, about Gus: Is he a freak (derogatory)?
Redeye: Or a freak (affectionate)?
Slick: Why not both?
Redeye: You’re so right, a freak (double-edged sword)!
——————
Hawk: Protip is you do not feel good about yourself after eating tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce.
Barlex: What's wrong with you??
Hawk: I literally JUST said I ate tomato sauce on iceberg lettuce?? Pay attention.
Wyler: No, he means other than that.
Hawk: Ohhhhhh.
Hawk: I haven't slept in 4 days.
——————
Jesse: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large ships.
——————
Fives: Why do humans have different blood groups?
Longshot: So mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors.
Dogma: Really guys? Now?
Dogma: I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!
——————
Fives: Can we go out to get icecream?
Cody: Did you ask Rex?
Echo: He said no.
Cody: Then why are you asking me?
Echo & Fives: He aint the boss of you.
Cody, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap.










