one thing i realized while doing a recent wardrobe purge was that, starting in my tweenagehood, i wore clothes that were sized too large because i believed my body was bigger than what it was. i didn't realize until now that my dysmorphic thoughts and behaviours about my body size started so early. it makes me sad to come to this understanding.
as a tween, i falsely believed that i couldn't be the size that i was because i thought that only girls much smaller than me could be that size. i remember i just guessed the clothing size that 'sounded and seemed right' based on my perception of sizes rather than what fitted best. now i can recall a pair of jeans, a blouse, a sweater, etc that were too loose when i bought it.
what made me realize this was when i tried on my 8th grade gown. this dress is a size too big for my adult body so it must have been at least two sizes too big on my smaller 14 year old body. idk how i managed to keep it on then since it's strapless. i wasn't near that large but somehow i believed i was compared to other girls. it's madness.
a few years back i made a post about a similar behaviour i had with bra sizing. as a teenager i delusionally thought i had the smallest ever chest so i bought the smallest bra size the stores carried. although my chest is small, it was never as small as i believed, because i was dysmorphic about it. i spilled out of the cups but i always made excuses for it, even though it was so clear. i didn't start wearing a properly fitting bra until after high school, when i was less mentally ill. btw, everyone check out 'abrathatfits calculator' !
moral of the story: challenge the firmly held beliefs you have about your body, the unkind ones might be total rubbish rooted in poor body image. ideas we have about sizes are ludicrous, just wear what is most comfortable to you. you deserve what fits you best. your body deserves respect at all states. perception vs reality can be a major discrepancy. industries rely on your insecurity but you rely on self compassion🖤
