#body dysmorphia

[vlio]

Why am I so ugly, I wonder if someone would ever actually like me enough to marry me :(

[librarianof-flawedparts]

the process of finally getting preventively medicated for chronic migraines is wreaking havoc on my body in so many ways and my teenage insecurities are back in full force (i'm 34 and know that the 2000s diet culture is bullshit and that fascism thrives on starving bodies but i still feel unhappy with my body for not being tiny)

[prettyp1nkmushr0oms]

what's the worst thing someone has told you? (if you feel comfortable sharing)

probably not the worst thing but one time my grandmother hugged me and told me i was squishy and THAT definitely didn’t cause me more body dysmorphia !!!

(this isn’t the worst thing but it’s the first thing i thought of that id be willing to share lol)

[delicategirlarchives]

♡ CATCH UP ENTRY ♡

my goodness it's been hard to keep track of days. my sleep schedule has been absolutely thrown out the window. one of the perks of working night shifts i suppose.

i've seen my partner more this week than i usually get to, which has been good for my soul, but crap for my diet 😅

tuesday night i went to a mcdonalds close to where he works so i would get to see him. i'm a public transport girlie, so i got there by about 10pm and i knew his shift wouldn't end until about 11:15pm, so i ordered some food while i was there. took me about an hour to eat it. i got the mcsmart meal, which came with a cheeseburger, small fries, small zero sugar coke and 3 chicken nuggets. that was all i ate that day, though, and it wound up being about 642 cal.

i genuinely have zero memory of wednesday. pretty sure the only thing i ate was most of the 2nd pack of twiggy sticks but i didn't finish them and just tossed the rest. maybe i slept most of wednesday 🤔

i do know that i got to see my man's again yesterday and by about 5:40pm, i said, "i have officially been awake a full 24 hours now." yeah, that sounds about right 😅 i did finally get my boost juice yesterday! and it was delish! i got a medium melon moment juice, which i've never tried before but will definitely get again. it was about 143 cal. i've also decided on which one i want to try next time. bonus points if the main colour of my outfit is coordinated with the drink order. i like to colour coordinate 💁‍♀️

last night for dinner, we also got a pizza and some pasta from a local eatery. we got an 8 slice hawaiian pizza with added mushroom to share (i ate 3 slices and left my last one for him to have), and we got a pasta bowl each. he got carbonara just like i thought he would, although i did expect him to choose fettuccine and he went with penne. and i got the avocado and chicken pasta with added chili flakes with penne pasta (cause penne is my favourite). it was really nice! i used to hate avocado too, but now i don't mind it.

and tonight i've eaten my leftover pasta. was quite oily as leftovers, which is the only thing i wasn't big on, but overall, it was delish and i'd get it again or even make up my own version of it.

i did weigh myself for the first time in a few days earlier. i do seem to be sitting at 58-59kgs lately. for now, it's acceptable. realistically, it is probably considered a healthy weight. i just personally don't wanna stay this side of 50kgs.

i have also measured myself. honestly, i found i'm not absolutely miserable with my measurements. i kinda regret not measuring myself when i was at my biggest just so i could have something to compare my progress to. i wasn't really taking selfies during that time either.

the other night, my partner did tell me that i've got an hourglass body shape. that was bit of a confidence booster. on top of the fact that the skirt i was wearing finally for the first time fit on me nicely without my hips and belly spilling over the top of it and my thighs also didn't look ridiculous in it, and my top fit how it was supposed to because i've lost a large portion of back fat. my breasts are starting to get smaller again, which is only a little inconvenient because i did buy a bunch of cute lacy bras, but oh well. i wanna be skinny and having small breasts never used to be a problem to me.

i still haven't had the snack i bought ingredients for the other day 😭 but i am getting a bit peckish now so i might make a small portion of it soon. otherwise, i'll have it at work tomorrow night and sunday night cause i've got 2 night shifts in a row 🥴 it'll be my first time with 2 in a row so i'm a little nervous. hopefully it goes well cause last time i wound up having to do it all alone on a busy saturday night and i only got half of it done, and it wound up being about a 10 hour shift. i did take my half hour break, which i sometimes don't because depending on the night and who i'm working with, there really isn't time for it. that night, i also had to be on top of the laundry because there was still a lot leftover to do. after that shift, i missed my next 2 shifts that week because my back was injured, and i gave myself a concussion from a back spasm. such fun.

i'm sure the security guys will be happy to see me though. i told them i wouldn't be doing night shifts anymore, but with my rent going up from having to move house in a few days, i might do better to keep doing nights. i'll just have to hope my buses show up (which for a hot minute they weren't, so i did miss several shifts cause i couldn't afford to get ubers).

here's evidence of boost juice just a little delayed, but it happened!! and a screenshot from the website of what the pasta looked like!! honestly, i'd even recommend making up your own version of it. it was so yummy! and my lil outfit pic from tuesday. i straightened my hair and did my makeup just to get rained on the second i stepped outside btw. to be fair, it is my own fault. it is literally the middle of winter here right now.

anywayyy, i've picked up where i left off months ago on my yet another walking dead binge, so imma go back to that! i hope you all have a wonderful weekend!! stay safe xo

[worlds-okayest-trans-man]

[70is2heavy2fly]

My version of the Korean bp thing that people draw

I’m no artist but the right and middle is me & the left is what I hope to be or what I think I am when I’m hepped up on confidence (I had it more when I was on antidepressants, they reduced my appetite for the first week so maybe I should take them again?)

[pinktides]

I’m so tired of feeling ugly but I feel like it’s so ingrained in my soul

[the-backstage-puppeteer]

Das ist was ich look like ↓

Ich do nicht like die hosts body. Zu klein und weak

- 🐺