#cloudedhonesty

[stellarcentaur]

Phobias

Fear of darkness

Fear of falling

Fear of constraint and suffocation

Fear of disease

Fear of being alone

But a fear of too many people

I am fear

This is afraid

[stellarcentaur]

More than Friends

“Why are you crying, Dana?” Damien asked in concern. He stopped for a moment to cup my quivering chin in the palm of his hand.

“I don’t know,” I sobbed. “Because life sucks, I guess.”

“That much?” Damien asked.

“Even more,” I wept. “My dad—”

I bit my lip, suddenly falling silent. Damien’s look of bewilderment brought on a sense of nagging guilt. I hadn’t told Damien anything about my father, about what Peter and I had discovered. But I hadn’t seen Damien in so long.

“I missed you,” I said in quiet submission. “And I have a lot to tell you.”

I turned my face away in shame and discomfort.

“I—”

I swallowed.

“Please don’t be angry,” I begged, tears pooling in my eyes. “But I found out my dad is dead. He’s been dead for three years. But I rescued someone. Peter and I did, actually. We—”

“You didn’t tell me?” Damien interrupted, offended. “How long have you known, Dana?”

“Two months,” I whispered, and the reality of the situation hit me, once again. I continued, “It sucks, a lot.”

“Wha—why didn’t you tell me?” Damien asked again. “Don’t you think it was important?”

“It was, still is,” I muttered. “But I didn’t know what to do, Damien. And I still don’t. I don’t know what’s going on anymore, I don’t know what’s okay to say to you…you’re busy with school.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, and his tone was full of hurt.

I looked at Damien, studied his expression, and wondered when we had become so serious as “friends” that it hurt to keep secrets. There was a lot more than simple friendship in his eyes.

[stellarcentaur]

The Breath of the Innocent

I closed my eyes as his face neared mine, and I knew what was coming next. My breathing stilled, and as Christian's lips touched mine, time stopped. He paused for a split second, perhaps wondering what I would do, maybe feeling hesitant and fearing rejection. I hesitated as well, but for a different reason—for fear that I would not impress, that I would not be good enough for this boy. And for fear that he would break my heart into a million shards of love-stained glass.

[stellarcentaur]

Wallpaper Shadow

As I turn everyone against me Here I am fading into the wallpapered background Becoming a shadow My highest aspiration Is to fade away For a while To disappear For some time

[stellarcentaur]

I don't have skeletons

I don’t have skeletons in my closet—

I have ghosts Because I never hear bones rattling— I only hear soft whispers in the night My ghosts are calling to me But I don’t quite understand what they are saying To me They chill me And pass through me But never leave For good For if I ever desire them to disappear I first have to listen And to truly hear their nonstop chatter They will tell me how to be better If I only listen To them As they whisper To me

[stellarcentaur]

The day has only begun.

[stellarcentaur]

Bite you in the butt

It’s okay to be safe sometimes. You don’t always need to throw everything out there and hope for the best. Maybe once in a while you could hold back, and not do anything stupid. If you are only doing it for the thrill of doing it, then when is too much too much? When have you taken too many pointless risks? Can you learn to recognize the difference between going for a dream and doing something for no freaking reason at all?

You aren’t going to feel any better by losing yourself in an adrenaline rush. Maybe you’ll be gone for a while, but you have to wake up and face the world sometime. And it’s not so much that you have to face the world—you just have to look at yourself. It’s okay to be you. Life is going to suck ass sometimes. It sucks for everyone, not just you.

Maybe this is a note to myself. Because I try so hard to forget where I’m at, and then when I remember, it’s so much harder. You can’t ever forget who you are or where you are. You can accept it or try to run from it, and why choose the latter. It will only come back to bite you in the ass.

So please stop being stupid.

[stellarcentaur]

For what it is worth

For what it is worth,

I will always love you

The sea could not sweep away my passion for you

Because I will always love you

Because you will always be worth it