#cloudy-thoughts

[cloudy-thoughts]

Lost in a Daydream, Stuck in Reality

I laid beside the boy I love and I dreamt of your bronze hair cascading over your big blue eyes as you gaze at me. How badly I wanted to kiss you then. I rolled over and shared my desire with him instead. He doesnt taste of winter the way you do. His lips arent a chill in the air or jumpers, curling up in a ball as a storm approaches. I got lost in that daydream.

I laid next to the boy I love and forgot how he smelt of the salty sweetness of a carnival. He is standing in the rain after a drought, relief. Big brown eyes begging for my hand in his. One last kiss. Smiling as the sun beats down on our skin and spontaneous picnics following a cold shower. He is warmth and honey, smooth. I want that reality.

[cloudy-thoughts]

why do I always feel like the problem, instead of the solution?

[cloudy-thoughts]

am I only with you because I am afraid of change?

[cloudy-thoughts]

the times they are a-changing

I don't recognise myself anymore My world is changing and I'm too slow to catch up My reflection has changed too Sometimes a smile or a glimmer of self confidence can be seen beside the sadness And I'm not ready to accept it Its weird I see myself and I love me But I hate me But I deal with me I put up with me And I think I'm happy But I'm not, never happy

[cloudy-thoughts]

the first day of Spring

the first day of Spring when the leaves start to turn and the weather is warming up. the first day of Spring when you're still worrying about the cold and can't quite shake the feeling of unbelonging from last season; the frozen hands and fires reminding you of a simpler time when you didn't have to think. the first day of Spring the day when you think you'll change but in reality, you can't even roll out of bed yet. you'll shiver and curse because things are becoming so much worse when they should be better by now. the first day of Spring when you should be thawing out but last season's scars are here to stay.

[cloudy-thoughts]

for my best friend xxxx

a new kind of happiness follows him around and when he looks at me, oh when he looks at me, my heart cannot help but leap out of my chest. he makes me feel like a child again, like days off during summer, like I’m never alone with his arm around me. he deserves the universe but even though I can only give him a single star, he doesn’t mind. he’s a hidden treasure. he’s wonderful and special and my best friend and he’s mine xx

[cloudy-thoughts]

i've been thinking a lot about you i miss what we had but i know i can't have it back. that's on though. i just have to learn to be alone for a while. i'll be better soon

[cloudy-thoughts]

my god! i can’t stop thinking about yesterday . how your hand was on my thigh and there was a lil glimmer in your eyes, in your smile. my heart is smiling just thinking about it! oh god and how you kissed me! now that was one of the seven world wonders. but nothing can beat the way you spoke in hushed tones and ran your fingers across my body. i liked it, i loved it! i like you a lot. please don’t let me ruin this or you