#cloverjaspen rambles

[clover-j-aspen]

The nick i turn 18 i am getting myself fitted for a binder. I've been searching for ways to safely bind w sports bras n clothes n regular bras but usually it leads me to sewing stuff and projects which i can't do since I'm not very experienced in sewing and scared of accidentally breaking my ribs cuz of my poorly made garment. Despite having a pretty small-average chest size for my age, it still feels weird to look at myself in the mirror and have them peeking out. Idk.

Sometimes I giggle to myself when my family says smth like "our young lady is-" cause if you look at my search history, I don't think you'd see me as someone who's just a lady. I'm happy i do get to have somewhat gender-affirming clothes and my parents (my mom specifically) let my hair be short enough to my liking but I haven't exactly told them that I'm genderfluid. They probs js think I'm a tomboy or something. I'm too scared to tell em cuz I don't wanna open a can of worms relating to my gender identity and other stuff.

Uh this is just another one of my rambling sessions cuz my brain wants to yap. Uh yeha, thanks for reading, ig.

[clover-j-aspen]

Something pretty depressing I realized about Filipino society today is how much it echoes the systems the original colonisers (Spaniards) put in place once they took over.

I wanna shed light on how 'social class' is reminiscent of the old sorting system for Filipino Natives and Spanish Colonisers back in the day and how it ties into how connected one is to Filipino culture.

Peninsulares are the highest of class and they are Spaniards born in Spain, Insulares are Spaniards born in the Philippines. They're sort of the 'upper class' people, generally have ties to power and other stuff since well ye I guess. They're also not the most connected to our culture simply because of the way foreign stuff is seen as 'cooler' here. (This part might be a bit more messy and rambly, sori).

There are Principalia who are basically nobility, they have power and influence.

Next are the Mestizos, mixed people. I've noticed how people who look more mixed get treated differently based off mix, the lighter skin the more opportunities for model work n such which sucks and is kinda racist. Ofc they're not as connected to the culture since they are mixed but still

Then Illustrados, basically educated Filipinos. They resemble the middle class today more. They're much more connected to the culture due to being Filipino but have deviated away because they are allowed to mingle with other people and cultures.

Lastly are Indios, pure Pinoys who are discriminated against just because they're Natives. They're not really allowed to intermingle and are more isolated. They're the most connected to Filipino culture cause yes, they're natives. Like how most lower class families tend to carry more of the traditions and practices we have.

The thing that changed is mostly removing the stuff that involves foreigners and putting the upper-class Filipinos in their place.

[clover-j-aspen]

People keep noticing me in the corner being lonely and they're actually inviting me to socialisation shit what. My old private school classmates woulda just left me alone bro. Lmfao