#co conning

[facesofone]

The trouble of co-conning

[cheshiregrinplus]

Switching at bad times...

Besides me, Angie is the only one who fronts at all, as far as I can tell. When she fronts, I am Cocon. She Cocons most days at least a little while. It's often extremely beneficial to me because she is happy, funny, and relaxed MOST of the time.

But...

It has its drawbacks. Sometimes I simply cannot focus on what I need to do. Or we end up doing things we shouldn't. It's not as bad as it used to be. We aren't getting into trouble of any kind.

My biggest complaint lately is the sudden changes. She's cocon one second, gone the next. Or she gone, then suddenly forward, causing me to dissociate. That can cause serious disorientation. That gets the protectors all riled up (me inc'd).

Worst is in the middle of intimacy with our partner. It doesn't bother him, thankfully. But it bothers me.

TW: sexual content. I don't usually TW, but I'm usually vague...

I am a middle aged woman and my sexual interest has decreased significantly in the last few years. Our partner is a middle aged man with little interest in sex. Once or twice a month is fine with us.

Angie and I are somewhat different sexually. She is a hypersexual teenager (and a bit of a sex addict). If she had her way it would be every day, more than once a day.

It causes conflict.

I'm super tired so I'm ending this now.

[cheshiregrinplus]

Switching in front of people...

Today, right as I'm parking in front of the building we have therapy in, Angie switched out. We've been working on her being out more, so I went with it. She let herself be known to the therapist shortly after we started, and was herself all through therapy.

Just before standing up to leave, I reminded her we'd have to drive. She switched, right in front of our therapist, while the woman watched.

The therapist and I talked a little more, then I left. When I stopped at the bathroom on the way out, what had just happened hit me.

We've never done that, that I remember, with anyone other than our partner. Not so quick and obvious.

I'm feeling stressed and awkward about it.

(edited)

[cheshiregrinplus]

Half a week later...

Last week we went to therapy again. Angie was very forward. So much it was making me wonky. She was very excited to talk to the therapist, but I could not relax enough to let her out.

I suggested maybe when Seth was nearby and Tara the therapist could get him if needed... Angie seems to understand my hesitation. At the very least she doesn't want to take over completely. Perhaps for fear of getting stuck forward?

[cheshiregrinplus]

Heavy influence

Teenagers are fun. In a scary dangerous Rollercoaster type of way.

We got upset because of a thing with our partner. I've had therapy and react well to meds for our bipolar. Angie, not so much.

I (we) started crying because he did something that made Angie suddenly yell "He does love me". Then she pushed because she wanted me to tell him she was forward.

"I'm here. Tell him I'm here too."

It's a little overwhelming at times.

We're going to go to therapy. I have no idea if I'll be able to tell a therapist about this.

[cheshiregrinplus]

Coconning with Children: Toys for Littles

I have a few toys around my home that I was never really sure why I had. I remembered buying them, but not why I felt like I had to have them.

Since accepting my dissociative disorder, a lot of things make more sense.

Now I have to make a decision. Do I buy toys for Cherub?

I know what to get. But do I want to draw her out?