Coffee Shop
Pink, cotton-candy kind of like illuminated the horizon, such a pretty view to wake up to and definitely a sight to gaze at especially when you weren't exactly wishing to be in a place like this. The girl sipped on her coffee as she looked over the view.
There she sat on the library's steps, her purse rested next to her, just a step down. From everyone's perspective, mostly the sea made out of college students walking from and to campus, might get the wrong idea thinking that the girl was indeed a loner. Perhaps, she was, but not at the moment though. She was holding her phone in her grip, typing quickly to someone whom she was going to meet up later. Long story short, she met a guy a while ago as she was on her way to return some books at the library - the same guy who offered her to work at the campus' library but somehow never worked out. Guess fate really worked in the funniest way. They exchanged numbers at the time and had been talking each time they could. That day, they were supposed to have that coffee in which she promised a few days prior. Lucky for her, she had the day off at the coffee shop. Her stomach was tied in knots and not for the reasons that were solely obvious but mostly because she had never asked a guy for coffee before. Despite they were only meeting for coffee and the fact that she had no intention in going further, but still.
Tall, skinny guy in an unironed striped white shirt along with only one of the backpack straps hung on the shoulder, approaching her.
"You're late, by the way," She stood up, didn't even walk down the steps to match his level. Her expression was stern, she made sure of that.
"Sorry, there was traffic. So, shall we go now?" The guy asked.
And without another reply out of her mouth, she only nodded then walked side by side with the guy towards the coffee shop.
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By the time they arrived at the coffee shop, vehicles after vehicles later on the busiest hour of the day, she went up the stairs towards the cashier to order. Just another one of her luck sliding through, the person working a shift that day was her kind of enjoyable coworker. There was proof that confirmed and basically became the reason why she thought so. Demi Lovato was playing in the background the moment she stepped in- she really craved for that kind of music lately.
"You working today?" She started a conversation with Jay, obviously after whispering something to the guy she came with in the first place telling him to get them both a table seeing as it was crowded at the moment. It was actually a polite way to tell the guy that she wanted to talk to Jay alone.
Jay didn't wear glasses that day, but she never mentioned it. "Yeah. Are you on a date?" He asked, his eyes directed at the guy who was with her earlier and she turned around finding that he already found a table in the corner, outdoor.
She turned back to face Jay while shaking her head. "It's not a date. Just casual meetup between a girl and a boy sharing no attachment whatsoever with each other." She explained.
Attachment was for people who couldn't handle being alone and she definitely wasn't one of those people. Obviously there was a moment where she craved for that kind of commitment, like in the middle of the night when she really needed someone to cuddle and felt really lonely, but then she thought about the things she had yet to do before committing to someone. After all, you needed to be you before being someone else, right?
"Sure, whatever you say," Jay laughed a little, pausing, then finally taking her order. "So, what do you want to order today?" He continued.
She thought long and hard with her brows furrowed. "Iced coffee with vanilla and original iced coffee, please," Jay was tapping on the cashier's tab, her eyes gazed at the cookies and muffin resting in front of her. "Wait, since when do we sell these?" She pointed towards the boxes of pastry.
"Just delivered today. Do you want one?" Jay offered.
"About time! They finally caught up to the competition," She commented, taking one cookie out of the box.
"Okay, coming right up." Jay declared, before dazing away from her to make the orders as she left the register to go to the guy while waiting for her name to be called out alerting that her order was up.
☕
"So... How come have you never invited me to your graduation?" She began to ask, sipping on her coffee totally careless about the withdrawals that usually caused anxiety to run in her system.
"Well, how come have you never showed up to the library anymore? Right after the letter of recommendation, to be exact." Lucas fired back.
"I told you why! I never got the call," She defended herself, her expression was slightly hurt. "Anyway... How's life?" She changed the subject at hand, arguing wasn't exactly what she wanted at the moment. Her hand wrapped off the cookie and started taking a bite. It was fairly sized; too sweet for her liking but good either way.
"It's been good actually. So how do you like working here?" He asked.
Her expression changed. "Tiring, but it's better adjustment than I thought. Better than thinking it was an escape." She muttered, making sure that it was low enough for him to catch on what she was saying.
Too bad, despite it being so loud in the shop, he still heard it loud and clear that he responded right away. "Why would you think it was an escape?" He asked.
She remained silence for a second. Every time a person seemed to grow interest, especially about her life, she always made sure that she didn't spill too much. In her words, she tended to pull away from that stuff. Having broken pieces of trust that other people left her to fix all by herself, was enough reason for her to not rely on anyone.
"Remember the first time we finally talked even though I had been going to the library more time that I could count?" She began. The first time was when he was behind the computer doing something as she was reading a NewYorker issue in the magazine section. That's pretty much the only reason why she came anyway.
He only nodded, telling her to continue.
"It doesn't matter. After doing something I should've done a while ago... that made me realize this place, isn't much of an escape anymore. That thing was. More like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel." She revealed.
"No, no, tell me. I want to know." He pressed.
She was busy stirring the coffee with straw, looking down. A way to avoid eye contact with someone after revealing a side of her that she never thought would show. Scared, she let out a sigh into the wall in front of her.
"I know it's stupid to dwell over something that happened a year ago.. But I just, can't seem to let it go."
After declaring that fact, she turned around just to make sure that Jay wasn't looking- even though she had no idea why. It's not like she was interested in the guy. And he wasn't, obviously, in fact, he had a lot of orders to make in front of him. She chuckled at the sight.
"What happened?" He questioned.
It took a long moment of pause as she was gathering so much strength and power to reveal part of her past that had been haunting her in the middle of the night since it happened.
"I just... don't want you thinking that I'm overreacting because what I went through, might not be as bizarre as everyone else's." She announced.
He took a sip off of his coffee, before replying. "I won't. I promise." He stated.
☕
Another pause followed right after she was pouring out all her worse nightmares and laying them out in the open. She felt a rush of adrenaline in her - something rare to the point that she felt like catching them with her empty hand and piling them up in a pocket in case she needed them later. It was the kind of rare that got her feeling so emotional yet comforting at the same time - putting her guard down finally and letting one person she never thought of sharing those secrets to, everything.
Well, not everything. Just the crucial parts where she didn't get her head on fire for spilling too much. Or for the more glorifying dramatic sense, she was too ashamed as it was still fresh in her mind. In spite of it being a one-year ancient memory.
She was saying everything so intently. As if she never told it before- well that's actually correct and mostly the reason why she was so far away this whole time. When you're used to keeping everything inside never letting it see the light of day, your entire soul might react the same way as your whole entire body. That's just how it works.
She hadn't dealt with the matter by speaking to anyone just because she was afraid and filled with so much shame. No matter how many times she scrolled through her social media indirectly telling her that there was no shame in seeking for help nor was there a reason for her to be afraid. But the truth was, she wasn't mad at the person who caused her to fill this much rage, but mostly to herself. For letting it happen.
Avoiding everyone and mostly herself, clearly weren't helping her case. She was traumatized and the only thing that kept her going was her job and sometimes the creative bone in her body that allowed her to write without difficulties. But at least she no longer thought of it as an escape - in the world of psychology that she majored in, that was a progress.
"And you've never told anyone about this, like is this the first?" He asked.
She shrugged. "I just can't get myself to." She muttered, stirring the rest of the coffee and taking a big swig even though there was only ice left in the cup.
"And this thing... that happened, cause you to lose the most important thing?" He clarified, trying to make sense of it all.
She nodded. "Pretty much." She sighed.
He paused, refusing to say the wrong thing. "I don't even know what to say," He declared. It was a good thing that music was blaring still throughout the entire cafe. Had it not for that, she wouldn't have the guts to do something so outrageously dangerous - trusting someone wasn't exactly her forte.
"It's fine. I don't expect you to." Was the only thing she could mutter. It's honestly relieving to confess about something that had been holding her back from life. Stopping her from doing what she did best or being her own self even. And to think that all of it happened while she was in a coffee shop, confirmed everything once again. Maybe this place really wasn't much of an escape. It's where people leave their stories.
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