Cold Memories
A/N: Alright ! This is my entry for @avengerscompound (emilyevanston)’s holiday challenge !! I will make sure to keep up with my other fic, and I have another challenge coming up so I will be more involved! And since I haven’t written in a while (years) FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS SO WELCOME!! Thank you !! I had : ‘’What keeps me warm on a cold, cold night?’’ (I twisted it a bit because I wanted it to be asked to a character, rather than having himself ask it) Word count : 2036 (so proud of myself for not getting over board!) Warnings : a wee bit sad, angst? and fluff. Implied smut (It’s all going to happen in your mind) A/N2 : Made the collage myself. I still have to work on my graphic skills but hey..
Also, I was listening to Unsteady - X Ambassadors while writing it, if you guys want to get in the feeling I had. :)
Mondays for the Avengers were unconventionally busy considering that they spent time with their families or loved ones over the weekend. Unless missions were planned for the next day, they tended to let loose and have team-building all-nighters. This week would be no exception, as Tony went all-in on the preparations for Sam’s birthday party. He had Pepper look for the perfect secluded chalet upstate where they could enjoy the upcoming friskier winter nights.
While the others gathered their sports equipment, Steve piled some clothes on his bed, unsure of what to bring with him. He always had casual attires, or his suit on, so planning for a two-day getaway where he would have to keep warm and be comfortable, for a change, was something out of his capacities. He ended up calling Wanda in, and she shuffled through the pieces of clothing, letting out a chuckle when she realized his wardrobe was composed of beige and black dress pants and dark sweaters.
They arrived on location rather early, giving them plenty of time to enjoy outdoor activities before nestling inside by the fireplace. They sat on top of an over-sized thick carpet, around the marble coffee table where bottles of liquor laid waiting. Nat and Bucky filled the biggest couch with Clint. Wanda was sitting on Vision’s lap, his left arm wrapped around her small frame as his other poured her a glass of wine. Steve leaned back against the couch between Nat’s legs, and was fixated on the dancing flames bellow the decorated mantle. He emptied glass after glass, the alcohol unable to numb his senses.
“So, party game? Anyone?” Tony was the first one to ask, of course.
“Sam should decide. He’s the one getting too old for this,” Bucky joked from the other end of the room, stretching his neck back to give a grimace at Sam in the kitchen. He simply forced a laugh back at him, carrying the bowls of snacks he had been preparing after setting the dinner in the oven.
“Right. Remind me to care when I’m a century old,” he shot back with his usual sarcasm. “Truth or Dare. Let’s go back to high school for a night.”
“Don’t we know everything about each other by now,” Nat said with a hint of annoyance, “I mean, that we need to know.”
“Oh I don’t think so,” Bucky said, kicking Steve’s elbow softly and shooting him a cheeky grin.
“Is that so, Mr. Perfect,” Sam went on, his expression clearly stating his interest in his friend’s secrets.
“Guys drop it,” Steve tried to sound stern but couldn’t help his cheeks from going a darker shade of pink.
“Oh, I’m not done with you, golden boy,” Sam warned as he found his own seat, chugging down a beer.
Everyone laughed and teased him for a second but quickly went on with another subject, knowing not to push Steve too far into these things. A lot of his past was buried deep, and the shield blocking these memories was much stronger than his vibranium acolyte. Bucky was the one positive thing he still had from his childhood, or at least from his pre-‘icecap’ time. People take for granted that he could adjust easily to his new life. War was over, and things were simpler, right? From his enhanced abilities, to his looks, people envied him for the wrong reasons. Bet all the ladies are after you, Rogers. A cold shiver ran down his back every time he heard the line. Fact was, oddly, his romantic life was much better before. Sure, ladies didn’t run after him, but it only gave him the reassurance that whomever stayed in his life genuinely wanted to be there.
Bucky and Peggy were these people. His people.
He poured more of the brown liquid into what was left of his Coke and downed the glass like the previous five.
He stared into the warm, orange glow and found himself feeling so very lonely.
*
His back hit the brick wall behind him; his palms lay face down on it as he desperately held himself up. He was running after every breath, his cheeks quickly turned red. He closed his eyes when he heard the footsteps getting closer to him from around the building, and he held his breath once again. The person slowly passed by, not bothered to look deeper into the alley. After a few seconds, he moved to his left to peek around the corner, and once his eyes convinced his mind, he strutted back onto the street.
“Got’ya!”
“JESUS, woman!” he blurted out when Peggy jumped out from behind the nearest car.
“You want to say that again, dear?” she gave him a stern look with her hand on her hip.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he got closer to her, “you scared me. I thought you had gotten far enough.”
“You are really bad at hiding Steve,” she mocked, tapping his chest with a finger gun. “It’s a miracle you haven’t died yet.”
“Do you doubt my abilities, Miss Carter?” he picked her up, his arms tight around her hips.
“It’s Agent Carter to you, Captain,” she managed to say before a playful squeal escaped her lips when he twirled around with her.
Peggy knew exactly when he needed to be physical, and when he simply had to sit and be quiet for a while. She decoded him even when he had created his own patterns. They always kept things professional, both being concerned about their exemplary behavior. But they were young, and in love. Although, one wouldn’t know how to describe the feelings they had for each other.
As much as she wanted to have the words family and stillness escape his lips, she knew that these would be subject to compromise. But something much stronger pulled her towards Steve, with or without Stark’s accomplishments on him. They loved putting each other back in their places playfully; a game they promised would always be just that. She loved the way he held doors for her, how his arm was always out for her to hold onto. He wondered if she could feel him trembling when her small hands ran over his forearm. But still, Peggy was the first woman he felt so at easy with.
They knew better than to give in to their needs for now. He’d be off to fight some Nazis again, and even if she followed them around, she couldn’t keep her mind off the heartbreaking possibilities of war. So, they had agreed on simply enjoying the time off in England, and she promised to show him a more peaceful side to the world.
With Peggy still perched in his arms, he headed towards their rental place just a few blocks away. Snow had started to fall, tickling their cheeks as the snowflakes melted on their flushed skin. He pushed the door open, and gently pulled her jacket off her shoulders. He rid himself of his extra layers and hung their damp scarfs to dry. He heard a loud thud and rushed towards her when he saw her throw another log into the fireplace.
“Hey, hey. Let me do that,” he started, putting his hand on her back.
She turned around and brushed her hands together, “Yeah, I guess that would be smarter.” She smiled, and he swore that her radiance could melt the whole world.
He rested his forehead on hers and rubbed his hands down the wool cardigan that covered her arms. He took hold of her hands and brought them to his lips, laying the softest kisses on her knuckles. He flipped one of her hands and continued his endeavour on her palm. Her fingers twitched nervously, unable to explain what was creeping inside of her.
“Steve, the fire,” she whispered, her eyes now closed.
“It’s fine hun,” letting her hands go, his fingers started to fiddle with the first buttons of her blouse, “I can keep you warm.”
She let out a stifled moan, and shivers ran up both their bodies.
He lifted her again, walking them both to the emerald velvet sofa. He let himself fall back into it while she tried her best not to suffocate him, her grip around his neck tightened at the surprise. She ran her hands over his biceps, his white tank top left nothing to the imagination. And god knows she spent plenty of time imagining.
His hands found their way inside her blouse, and he broke the kiss to look at her. He searched her face for any sort of discomfort, but he could only see her perfect rosy cheeks react to his touch. She had a new softness to her face, one that nobody else was allowed to see. She had a stern reputation to uphold, but in the hands of Steve, her Stevie, she was useless putty. Forgetting about his super strength, the blouse was ripped open and buttons flew everywhere, and they both gasped with a small laughter. He cupped her breast through her bra, and she stripped it off for him in a hurry.
He breathed heavily at the sight and sat motionless for an instant. She played with his hair, and in a swift movement, pulled his head towards her. He felt the rumble of her moan on his lips as he kissed the bridge between her breasts. His fingers dug into her back as he tried to keep a hold of himself.
“Please Stevie,” she kissed the top of his head, “I don’t want to gamble anymore.” The nickname alone had him hooked.
“Peggy, I,” she grounded her hips onto him, emptying his lungs on the spot.
“Please,” she repeated, and a low grunt escaped his throat as the feelings enveloped him.
He stood up with her still attached to his mouth, and he put her down on the military blankets they had set to dry by the fire.
The fireplace eventually ran out of wood, but the house had never been so warm.
*
A tear ran down his cheek and he quickly wiped it off with the collar of his white t-shirt. Wanda was the only one to notice, and she smiled sheepishly at him. She had already seen him in such state, once when they came back from a mission, and the other when she simply let her powers venture his mind. She knew it would be hard for him to get back to the present.
Sam and Tony roared with laughter at one of Clint’s confessions, which seemed to catch his attention. He chuckled lightly as if to persuade everyone that he was doing fine. Heat started to flood his body and he couldn’t quite understand whether it was the abuse of alcohol, or the proximity to the fireplace. He crossed his arms over his chest and seemed to fade deeper into the soft leg-rest of the couch.
“So, Steven,” Tony said, “we all know you spent plenty of time being a capcicle,” he bent forward to grab his champagne flute on the table next to Pepper, “but what keeps Captain American warm on a cold, cold night?” he raised his eyebrows as he sipped at the expensive beverage.
Steve let out a hurt sigh, his eyes watered again. Bucky leant forward and set his hand on his friend’s shoulder, aware of the storm that was slowly suffocating him. Gasps filled the room and Pepper punched Tony on the arm. It took Steve merely a second to be up and out the door, barefoot. He stopped halfway through the parking and just stood still. He looked up at the sky, his hands out in front of him, and he let the puffy snowflakes rid him of the scorching pain.
*
“Steven, you idiot you’re going to freeze to death!” Peggy warned from the doorway, her arms crossed at her chest.
He turned back with a grin, “Oh come one, Peggy! It’s nothing I can’t take…Haven’t made a snowman in years!”
She looked at him in awe, unable to scold him anymore. His physique had gotten bigger, but he still had that part of him that stayed young. Even more so in her presence.
“Alright. But behave. Dinner’s ready in ten.”