#colin|penelope

[thatonekimgirl]

The long-awaited Colin vs. Portia scene. IT DELIVERED.

[greeneyessmize]

Today's thoughts are of the youth of Penelope & Colin and how it affects their relationship, specifically: how they fight.

Penelope is maybe 20 at most. Colin is perhaps 23.

They are also a part of the upper class. This allows them essentially a longer childhood in some ways for the era. They are emotionally pretty on par with a somewhat shy and sheltered 18 year old today who has never had a relationship and a 20 year old college kid who was also a bit hiddenly shy but has dated around a bit.

This means that neither of them have ever had to compromise on a larger, but intimate, and more important scale.

They don't know how to fight from a place of common goal. This is what they have to learn together.

I am going into detail with how this affects multiple scenes, so here is a cut for everyone. :)

Pen & Colin only know fighting with siblings, parents, friends, and enemies. So they know fight against, not fight for.

Penelope specifically only knows how to fight by false retreat and full opposition.

Her false retreat is seen most clearly in her use of Lady Whistledown. This is where she cocoons herself outwardly but lets her anger fly using precisely cloaked arrows. Her LW comments on Colin's fakeness upon his return to Mayfair showed a lethal strike.

Her full opposition fights are seen in her arguments with Eloise, both over her yelling that yes she does want to be married some day and then when Eloise confronted her about being LW, and then in her fights with Colin over LW.

When she and Colin fight in the middle of the street the night before their wedding, Pen goes full opposition, even going up on the high step to put her on the same level as Colin as much as possible. She does not retreat, she does not shrink. She goes conflict blow to conflict blow with him. She apologizes but does not bend or break. There is no compromise to be found because they are fighting against, not for. As one raises their voice, the other matches. There will not be a winner, but they don't know that.

Colin's fighting styles are either full shutdown, or like Pen, full opposition.

His full opposition fight with Pen in the middle of the street shows that he also will not back down. Each thing Pen says, he counters until she loudly declares the one thing he can't refute: that she loves him.

You also see that he is unwilling to compromise in his full shutdowns. He won't even try to talk to Pen after they are married during the nights and mornings where he places himself on the settee. He doesn't know how to say what he desperately needs to express to her in any constructive way. So. He stays on the settee, as close as he can to Pen, but unable to engage with her.

When she tries to engage with him, like at the review of the wedding breakfast planning, and it is she who makes the majority of the attempts, Colin still only knows how to go full opposition and/or full shutdown. Pen tries to answer him honestly when he asks if she will end LW because she really doesn't know. But since he can't give her grace to understand her on this... It only leads to more teary eyes and more distance.

On their wedding day, their tenuous truce after the middle of the street argument is broken in their fight after the Queen's threats. Here we see Penelope go full opposition and proclaim clearly and for the first time that she is Whistledown. And then Colin ultimately reacts with full shutdown, saying he will sleep on the sofa/settee.

The morning after their wedding, Colin is teary-eyed, taking tea fully dressed on the settee where he clearly spent the night. He leaves Penelope abruptly while she is still undressed for the day, intending to leave her out of his plans for the day. He definitely saw she was upset by this. I do wonder if that gave him a bit of dark satisfaction.

When Penelope comes to Bridgerton House to inform Colin of Cressida's blackmailing, Penelope gives way when Colin focuses his full opposition towards Cressida instead of her. Granted it takes a few times of being ignored, but she doesn't yell and ultimately lets it go. You can see that it hurts her to let Colin disregard her wishes, but she still ultimately allows it until he messes it all up. In this debacle they both learned to step back from full opposition between each other.

Penelope realized that even when it does not end well, sometimes she must let Colin have his way. Colin realized that not listening to Pen is where mistakes are made. Neither of them are yelling anymore.

Then comes the day of Francesca and John's wedding. It's not until she doesn't give him the reaction he thinks he wants that morning, as he is forlornly laying on the settee... that we see a shift. She does not react with regret or sadness or pain or anger. Pen is calm, cool, collected. She says she will spare him the confined shared carriage to Bridgerton House. She breezes out of his reach while he is still processing this new development.

Colin takes an important step by going to reread all of Penelope's letters. This is something he did not do in anger. He did this so he could gain perspective. This is his realization that full shutdown is ineffective and is not doing anything he wants or needs.

Penelope also is taking a step forward. She recognizes that false retreat and cloaked attacks are only increasing her own damage. She appeals to Colin with earnestness and honesty after the wedding of Francesca & John. She and he both refrain from moving into full opposition fighting this time. They are listening to each other. Colin asks what Penelope needs from him. She answers with everything he has needed to hear. He tells her what he needs, she listens. They are looking at a common goal. She moves forward with her plan to confess to the queen.

Then after her confession to the Ton at the Butterfly Ball, Penelope does the one thing for Colin that she can think of to heal the wounds of their fighting: she offers to let him go.

This is not something either of them ever wanted. But Penelope offers it because she truly feels, that with their very little communication through this, that Colin must want freedom from her. She cannot see through the pain they have inflicted on one another.

Colin immediately recognizes that now is the moment he must say everything in his heart. He has a moment of panic, of potential loss. Through everything he has always wanted and loved Penelope. He just had no idea how to show it while he was also angry. But now he has let go of his anger, and he will deal with it better should it happen that he is angry again.

Colin does what he needs to most. He tells her everything he is feeling. They are honest with each other. They have their common goal. They won the fights together.

[pennydancingintherain]

Colin looking at Penelope:

Colin looking at other suitors with Penelope:

[ahoplessromanticsjournal]

Untitled - Polin

Lord Ashwyn is an OC (i have no idea where i got this name from so if it’s from something else i genuinely have no clue and would love to be reminded lol)

Written with book more in mind, but also has obvious show references i think

Disclaimer: all rights reserved, i used to write all the time but i haven’t in ages but i felt *inspired* and decided to have a go at it…apologies for any mistakes i wrote this at 2am a few nights ago and wasn’t really trying for perfect accuracy 😅

been struggling trying to figure out if i should make it longer or leave it as it is…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~💚~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Miss Featherington, you look rather lovely tonight.” Pen smiled at the man over her glass. Pulling it away from her already stained lips, she nodded to the man and turned around to face the new season. She wasn’t looking for a husband anymore, no one would have her anyway. She was simply here to work (although no one else knew that of course). No need to be kind to those who weren’t kind to her before. Even if she did change her dresses and her hair, it wasn’t *only* for that small glimmer of hope she was holding out on.

She felt eyes on her and turned her head slightly to see the same man as before staring at her from the other side of the refreshments table. She knew he’d been staring at her now for scandalously too long. She did the only thing she could think of then and decided to try and scare him off.

“If you keep looking at me like that, Lord Ashwyn; everyone here will think you’d like to eat me.” Penelope said it as a jest. Just a simple joke to make him slightly uncomfortable so she could go back to slowly dancing around the perimeter of the room and to hopefully get this “gentleman” to leave her alone. She had stopped by the refreshments table just to give her hands something to do while her eyes wandered and her ears strained to listen. While browsing the crowd as she always does, she did, in fact, observe someone observing *her*. ‘Which, Pen had thought to herself, is what probably landed herself in this very unfortunate situation.

“I am considering it.” Lord Ashwyn mumbled drunkenly. This whole conversation was improper; let alone the fact that this particular gentleman didn’t seem to remember the “Only-Two-Glasses-Per-Person” societal rule. Quite obviously.

She eyed him, giving the most likely self-proclaimed “gentleman” her best, most unimpressed look. She was about to just simply walk away from him when he started speaking once more, ”Should you like to dance tonight, Miss Featherington? Maybe we can discuss all the ways in which a man can *devour* a woman.”, Penelope almost couldn’t believe her own ears. Obviously she already knew all the ways in which a woman could be pleased, at her age of eight and twenty; she had paid off a maid with Eloise Bridgerton, but the blunt openness of this “Gentleman”! He had to be intoxicated some great deal. Regardless, Penelope was now more eager than ever to somehow find an escape.

It would be harder than she now thought originally though, with him having asked for her hand in a dance. In society it was proper to never deny a dance if one’s dance card was not already full or if you’re not otherwise occupied. Pen is a known spinster which makes it all the more a pain to rid herself of this seasons leftovers. She scolded herself silently, fore if she was not one for a social gathering (and general society says she shouldn’t be) she may not have found herself in her current situation.

“Miss Featherington?”

“Yes, Lord Ashwyn, my apologies. It’s just that i believe i misheard you-“

“I assure you…” He slurred slightly on his s’s while holding a hand out to her,” You did not mishear me. I asked for you hand in dance”

There are not many times when Penelope Featherington is shocked into silence but this was, for certain, one of those rare occasions. She took a small but noticeable step back and hesitated. She ran through ideas on how to tell this man off without causing a scene or worse; a scandle; but couldn’t come up with any on time. The next song began to play and before she knew it she was being whisked around by Lord Ashwyn.

She hated every painstaking second of it. She hated the way he spoke, hated how obviously drunk he was, hated how he would whisper naughty things to her when he could. Who or what exactly did this man take her for? A rake herself? A desperate? A woman who threw herself at anyone who would give her attention? She didn’t even try to hide her facial expressions. She decided it would be best to just get this over with and then maybe retire for the night, in whole.

She allowed herself to fixate on the music. Allowed it to take over her mind and let her mussel memory do the talking; or well, dancing. She ignored his comments, ignored his wandering hands, ignored the faces that looked at her with pity, disgust, confusion, and everything in between. Once the song was over she’d be free to slip away and never be seen for the rest of the dreaded evening.

“Pardon me.”

Penelope was in the middle of spinning when the interruption happened. In her daze she tumbled backwards slightly and a hand caught her on the shoulder. Coming back to her senses she turned around to apologize to the victim of her off balance dancing, “I’m terribly sorry, I didn’t see you-Colin?! -I mean- Mr. Bridgerton!? What are you doing here?”

There looking magnificent as always was him. Colin Bridgerton. Definitely not the one she’s holding out hope for. Nope. Not him. Not the man who first; told everyone who would listen he’d “never court Penelope Featherington” and then after she forgave him said to her face that they were just friends. Not the man who she begged to kiss her out of desperation and fear of dying without ever having felt a kiss. No not that man. She had told him she was done with his lessons. Done with trying to find a husband. Done with hoping someone out there would love her how she wants. So what did he want and what was he doing there?

“How shocked you are to see me. What am i doing here? At a ball? Miss Featherington, I think all that twirling made your mind twirl as well.” Colin’s hand was still on her shoulder holding her back to his chest. It felt almost like protective armor; his hand. His chest.

“Pardon me, Lord Ashwyn. But i must speak to Miss Featherington. It’s an urgent matter.”

“I do not-“ Penelope began.

“Do you wish to keep dancing with a man who is blatantly trying to get under your dress skirt?”, Colin had leaned down to her ear level and whispered it.

“Whatever you are saying to her, you may say in front of me, Bridgerton.”

“I said, “do you want to keep dancing with a man who is blatantly trying to hold his drunkenness together.”

“Now-“ Lord Ashwyn seemed to sober up a little at being loudly exposed by another man. He stood straighter and puffed out his chest a little. It almost made Penelope laugh. Lord Ashwyn looked to Penelope with his hand out,” I should like to finish our dance.”

“I think i shall go speak with Mr. Bridgerton. It seems quite serious. Lord Ashwyn.” She curtsied and walked away as quickly but as not noticeably as she could. She knew *he* was hot on her tail though. She could feel his presence. Feel the endless oceans of his eyes as she tried to get away. That deep blue was getting closer and she didn’t know what was about to happen. She could feel it though, she was about to either sink or swim, and this was going to be the deciding moment.

Once he caught her.

[starryprose]

duomo (who created the wildest dreams & what about us instrumental versions for bridgerton) has you belong with me also in strings and if i don’t get that for polin i will be very upset!

[thatonekimgirl]

[thatonekimgirl]

I must say. This dance does not compare to a private waltz in the church where we'll be married. Well, perhaps we shall have to add some flourish.

[thatonekimgirl]

sharing the same air but not kissing VERDICT: 🔥