Veronica sees all her friends making significant milestones with their kids, and she isn't quite sure if she's doing this whole mom thing right. It's not like she can ask her own mother for help either. But just when she's ready to give up, she's pleasantly surprised.
For the most part, Ronnie was fine with running her own race. The days of comparing herself to others stopped a long time ago and she was far more content with who she had become. She wasn't a teenager anymore, and was no longer thrust into the public eye as much as she used to be. Life was quiet. It was nice.
But she still worried she wasn't doing as much as she could.
Ronnie sat on her knees in the living room holding one of the baby rattles. Kenny and Krystal were lying on their stomachs, imitating Kendall, their father, who fell asleep on the very fuzzy rug. A trail of drool ran from the corner of his mouth. At firs, she tried prompting Kenny to roll over. He was inquisitive, and had shown signs of wanting to roll over earlier. His eyes were trained on his dad. It was Krystal who rolled over, reaching her hands up and trying to grab her mother who lit up like a Christmas tree.
"Kendall!" Ronnie gasped. "She rolled over! Krystal rolled over!"
Her husband woke with a start and peeled himself off the ground, he looked around half expecting someone was hurt.
"She's not meant to do that for ages." Ronnie flipped through one of the baby books she'd purchased during her pregnancy. It wasn't like it was a manual, just a guide. A very loose guide of sorts.
Krystal laughed and maybe accidentally hit her father in the face. Her wide eyes were trained on her mother, the excitement and happiness made her so proud. Her tiny mind knew that this was a good thing. She giggled and tried to reach for her mother, but she was lying on the carpet. It wasn't like she could sit up or crawl just yet.
"It is very early to roll over."
Ronnie was ecstatic. She was glowing with pride, and the babies were enjoying the attention. Of course, they always enjoyed the attention from their mother. She loved spending time with them, and loved getting to know her kids as they were starting out.
Ashlyn suggested she join a mothers group to get to know the other families in the neighborhood. Of course, this was coming from someone who lived all the way in California. Ronnie and Kendall were currently living in her grandmother's home in Vermont, at least until they needed to size up. But this time around, she wasn't apprehensive when it came to getting to know the other mothers. Some of them she went to high school with and they probably didn't even recognize her.
Well, except for Joyce. But what happened in the past was water under the bridge.
"Oh, you both are so clever." Joyce cooed at Kenny and Krystal who had rolled on their backs to stare at their mother.
"Oh! She's sitting! She's sitting!" Another mother gasped, holding her hands out in case her daughter toppled over. "Oh, Abby, you're sitting all by yourself!"
"Oh, goodness, that's very early to be sitting." A mother sitting near her commented.
"Oh, well, you know, it's not a race."
But, for a moment, Ronnie felt a twinge. Maybe it was an ache in her heart. It wasn't a race, the mother was right but it didn't stop her from worrying. On the surface she looked calm, but underneath she was a ball of anxious rubber bands just waiting to snap.
She didn't know what she was doing, but a new parent never knows what they're doing. It felt worse because it wasn't like she could talk to her mother. Nor could she talk to her father. As much as she loved Jennifer, asking her didn't feel the same.
So, Ronnie set to work reading new baby books and setting things up.
Kendall had boxes piled up in the corner. He put together a baby bouncer, and a baby walker, but was having trouble with one of the cribs. He'd called James over and together they tried their hand at piecing together the baby furniture.
Ronnie didn't even notice they were there.
There was a ring of pillows and other soft things around her and the twins. Kenny was lying down as she was trying to help Krystal to sit up on her own. It should come naturally instead of trying to push it along, but for some reason, Ronnie wanted to get her kids walking before the other mother.
"Kendall! She's sitting!" Ronnie gasped.
Kendall accidentally hit himself with a piece of wood from Kenny's crib that he was trying to build. Just as he looked up, Krystal went back to lying down. Kendall rubbed the side of his face. He was not prepared for building such small furniture to hurt.
"Honey, it's okay. Don't be so disappointed. It'll happen eventually."
But after much practice. Kenny and Krystal were able to sit up. Ronnie clapped her hands together, and did little jazz hands almost as if she was showing them off. She was practically glowing with pride again. Her kids were so smart at such an early age.
"Kenny, you're sitting." Joyce cooed, wiggling her fingers as if she were to tickle him. He giggled gleefully.
Just in time to somehow crush her pride, the other mother was after her daughter who was crawling on the floor in front of them.
"Oh, I can't keep track of her." She chuckled and scooped her daughter up.
While Ronnie sat with the babies on the green rug, Kendall was outside trying to figure out how the baby carrier worked. He got it on correctly but couldn't fasten it properly. Even though he read the instructions multiple times over, he still couldn't figure it out.
She placed Krystal on her hands and knees and carefully backed away on her knees. Part of her was a little anxious that her daughter would hurt herself but instead of her face smacking into the floor. Her daughter rolled across the floor towards her. Accompanied by her brother who was learning from her.
Although Ronnie should be happy, she ended up visiting the doctor later that week. The pediatrician just shrugged and said.
"Some babies just roll before they crawl."
But that didn't seem to quell the thoughts swirling in her head. Was she a good enough mother? Was she setting a bad example for her kids? What if they weren't learning enough? What if they weren't hitting the milestones they needed?
She really shouldn't have gone back to the books, but she did. And she found one of the solutions for teaching babies how to crawl. Which resulted on her crawling on the floor as a way to entice them.
"It's so fun to crawl." Ronnie said in a sing-song voice. Actually, both her and Kendall were crawling around on the floor to entice Kenny and Krystal.
Then Kendall rolled over holding his knee in pain, one of the baby toys was left out on the floor which he so happened to "step" on with his knee. Krystal thought it was the funniest thing in the world
"I'm sorry!" Ronnie stood to her feet. "Let me- Let me get some ice." She swore she cleaned the floor just incase something would have happened.
They took a break, Ronnie helped Kendall ice his knee and cooed apologies at him. She tried not to laugh. Krystal and Kenny babbled at each other, lost in their own little world.
After their little break, they were back to it again. But instead of crawling, Kenny bum shuffled across the rug to his mother. His little arms outstretched and a big grin on his face.
"Yes! Bum shuffle!" Kendall cheered.
But as cute as it was, Ronnie couldn't help but think it wasn't enough. What was she doing wrong?
At mothers group Kenny and Krystal bum shuffled around. The other parents cheered the twins on, but Ronnie kept an eye on Abby and her mom. The little girl was starting to pull herself up on furniture and it felt like a knife being twisted in the wound. Or lemon juice being squeezed in the cut. Pulling up on furniture was the step before walking, and Ronnie was starting to get increasingly worried that her kids might not walk.
But the doctor shrugged. There was nothing he could do, and the twins were healthy.
"Some babies just bum shuffle before they crawl."
Ronnie was not reassured. So, when the babies went to sleep she was back to research. Combing through forums and checking books out of the library. There had to be something she was doing wrong. Maybe she just wasn't a good teacher.
"Come on, you need some sleep." Kendall closed her laptop and took it away from her. "With some shut eye, you'll be able to figure this out better." He coaxed her off the sofa and she leaned against him.
It wasn't that she didn't want to confide in him, but he probably thought she was just being silly. That she was worrying for nothing. With a sigh she raked a hand through her hair and shuffled off to bed.
But, the next morning she was trying to get Kenny to crawl as Krystal was watching curiously. He seemed to learn pretty quickly from his sister, so maybe Krystal could learn to crawl if he was crawling. Ronnie was being very careful. Kendall held his arms out to entice him, but instead of crawling forward he crawled backwards. Kendall and Krystal started laughing
The doctor said their was nothing wrong and Ronnie wanted to rip her hair out.
No matter who she went to or what she researched, Abby walked before either of her twins could. Ronnie was devastated. Something settled in her chest like a heavy weight and her eyes were glued to the floor. She failed. She tried so hard and she failed. Logistically she shouldn't be so upset because she was learning how to parent for the first time as everyone else, but she felt wrong.
And then, when the next meeting came around, she skipped mothers group and sat alone in the living room. She rested her chin on her knees and stared off into space. What did she do wrong? Was it genetics? Was this because she didn't have a mother to teach her?
"Aren't you going to mothers group?" Kendall had Krystal secured with one hand and the laundry in the other.
Ronnie didn't response, she hunched her shoulders and tried not to cry. This was her fault. She did something wrong. She was the bad part of the equation. What she didn't notice with her back turned was that Krystal tried reaching for her.
Instead of just one absence, she then had three. Then five.
Ronnie watched Krystal and Kenny as they played with the grass, babbling to one another. She felt like she was drowning.
She looked up, and there was Joyce, holding her son on her hip. She set him down and the babies played in the grass together while the mothers sat on the porch. Joyce reached into her purse and pulled out a photograph she handed to Ronnie. It was a family photo. Louis was her third child.
"I... had no idea." Ronnie stared down at the photo. "Wow, so you must have learned a thing or two." She swallowed thickly.
"I have," Joyce nodded and put her hand on Ronnie's knee. "And there's something you need to know."
"What?" Ronnie hesitated. Uncertain eyes meeting a steady gaze and a warm smile.
Her eyes widened as tears pricked her eyes. Ronnie held a hand over her mouth. It wasn't that she promised herself she wasn't going to cry, but it caught her off guard. It was something she didn't know she needed to hear. Joyce pulled her into a side hug, squeezing her shoulder.
After the encouragement from an old friend, Ronnie no longer looked at it like a competition. Well, other than having fun little races in the living room with Kendall, Kenny, and Krystal. Kendall and Ronnie cheered when either of their kids won. It was encouragement.
And late one afternoon, while Ronnie was washing the dishes, she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. The house was quiet, she could only assume Kendall was with the kids in the living room mostly likely taking a nap on the floor. But out of curiosity, she turned around
Krystal had crawled away from the living room and pulled herself up using one of the counters, but when her mother turned around she was hesitantly standing and walking towards her with her arms out and a big smile on her face.
Ronnie gasped and welcomed her little girl with open arms. Krystal giggled and nuzzled into her mom as she wrapped her arms around her daughter. She couldn't stop herself from crying a little. They were happy tears this time.
