He is all I’m going to think about for the rest of my life 😞😞 he needs you and your affection and touch so bad but can’t think of how to receive it other than servicing you :((!
He eats you out slow so you’ll tug on his hair and demand more cause he craves your fingers brushing against his scalp soft while you whisper how needy you are for him :(( and he fucks you in missionary slow so you’ll grab on his shoulders and arms and anywhere else you can reach and all he can focus on his how your skin feels soft and warm on his :((!
He’s a virgin in literally EVERY sense and that includes emotional intimacy
ELLE . Sorry for taking so long to reply to this but i wanted . Needed. to hoard this for a little longer. ive lost count of how many times ive read this, honestly.
all he wants is you, but it's so, so much easier to sink to his knees and make you feel good than tell you how badly he needs you. he likes doing it all slow to get on your nerves, to make you whine his name and tell him what you need -- tell him you need him to go faster, tell him you need more, tell him you need him. just him. only ever him. and he loves missionary because he gets to see all of you, because he knows he's the only one who'll ever have you this vulnerable, but then he chokes up when he realises it's true the other way around, too. that you're the only one who gets to see him so exposed -- that it's a scary thing being so defenceless, that if it's in front of you, then he doesn't mind it one bit, actually.
Could you talk about how you raised your GPA so significantly and became so successful in research? I was very inspired by your post :)
hey friend! so I have a bunch of much longer posts coming on this including but not limited to:
mental health in school when “you’re smart”
making an academic comeback
how to pick an advisor (research)
undergraduate research - starting and thriving
alternatives to undergraduate research
how to set work/life boundaries
+ some others about grad school shopping, if grad school is a good move for you, making a research poster, etc.
however, to summarize what I think are the main points from all of these, here is my best advice for getting it back together and finally getting (kinda) good at what you want to do.
1.) put your last semester behind you. you already know you need to work hard, and you’re likely being really hard on yourself if you’re at this point. now you need to start doing everything, absolutely everything, you can to ensure you succeed. and that means being disgustingly, relentlessly optimistic. you have to shake off any perceived shortcomings and failures, and instead make them goals. sometimes remembering doing poorly can seem like a motivator, but I’ve found that nothing is nearly as good as the power of ambitious thinking. I make a list and say, this is what I am going to do, rather than a list of what I want to do or what I am not going to do, and that’s it. you make the list and start working, everything else is a waste of your time and energy. you may have to do this multiple times a day. if you don’t think the last hour went well, move on and make the next one count. it’s hard, but it’s so worth it.
2.) never reevaluate in the moment. you know yourself best, but you may need to adjust your list of things you are going to do or tweak parts of it as you go. this isn’t a failure or a shortcoming, it’s working smart and using your time and energy effectively. however, never reevaluate your schedule or goals in the moment. when you decide while you are working on something that your goal is too ambitious or that you’ve scheduled too much, you give yourself excuses, and you often set yourself up to feel disappointed after the fact. power through today, and reevaluate when you are more removed from the situation. you’ll feel better about yourself, and you’ll know if something was really too hard, or if you should have tried a little harder.
3.) have others hold you accountable. I am terrible at holding myself to my own deadlines or standards, and I know many of my friends are too. so to combat this, I drag other people into my goals. this can look like a lot of things, but my most common ones are making groups to do homework together (even if we just sit silently together) and calling my mom and telling her my plans for the day/week. This means I have to do the work when I say I will, or I’ll have to explain why I didn’t to my friends or parents, and my productivity has skyrocketed.
4.) see a mental health professional (or non-professional like an advisor or a personal mentor) and discuss your stress mechanisms. you’re likely in a situation where you a juggling an immense amount of stress, and often people who are used to succeeding have non-standard stress responses that they aren’t even aware of. having someone go over this with you and decide if you’re handling yourself in a healthy way that will let you succeed is amazingly useful, because you may not realize that you have unhealthy or just unusual habits. it can also help identify if you have something else going on, like a learning disability or chronic mood or anxiety disorder, which you may be working around without knowing it, and then you can receive the support you need to really take you to the next level. being smart and generally successful does not mean you aren’t coping with mental illness or disability, you may just be coping with it very well, and you may need help with things that don’t boil down to “I didn’t try hard enough”.
5.) be candid with professors. go to office hours and tell your professor you’re feeling overwhelmed. whether it’s because you feel there is immense pressure on you to succeed, you feel you aren’t picking up material fast enough/as fast as your classmates, or you just have too many things due that week, let your professor know. don’t necessarily phrase the conversation as asking for an extension, etc., just explain that you feel like there’s too much happening right now and you are looking for their opinion and advice as the person running the course. I have found that more often than not, if I am able to be up front with a professor about my workload and current emotional state, they are more than willing to work with me and support me. even just hearing from a professor that they believe you have the ability to succeed means a lot if you are questioning your qualifications. I highly recommend this.
6.) find something that always makes you feel better. shaking off anxiety is incredibly difficult, and you don’t do your best work when you’re stressed. the thing that really helps me and I’ve seen help others (from other undergrads to fields medalist cedric villani) is laying on the ground with your eyes closed for ~five to ten minutes. I ignore that this looks dumb, I will do it anywhere and everywhere (library, dorm, student lounge, exam room, gre waiting room, literally anywhere), and it always helps me feel centered and focused. doing your best is much more important than people thinking you look silly, so find what works for you, and always do it.
7.) specifically regarding your gpa, make a meeting with your academic advisor and let them know what you want, and ask them how to get there. don’t be ashamed, ever, because it is important that you set yourself up for success. I had to retake general chemistry one, and it was hard the first times I said that to someone, because I was not used to falling short and I felt I reflected poorly on me. however, I found that what reflect amazingly well on me was being able to admit failure and analyze it so I could do better the next time. I found people respected me for it, I stopped being embarrassed, and my gpa obviously recovered quite a bit when I replaced the D- with an A-. again, be candid with your professor, let them know what you feel went wrong in the past, and combat it this time.
8.) with specific regards to research, email professors you know have worked with undergrads before. look at what they’ve published recently, decide what part of this interests you, and mention it in the email. if they don’t email you back, go to their office hours and ask in person; they may not be the type who’s great with emails. if they don’t have office hours, wait outside a department faculty meeting and corner them when they leave. the worst thing they can do is say no, and this is literally how I got my first position. if there’s a professor who you know is good with undergrads, consider working with them even if their research isn’t you’re end goal because a) it is good to try other things and diversify your skills and b) your advisor is almost more important than the actual research in the beginning, because this person will be writing you letters, will be helping you develop as an academic, and potentially has an amazing network they can introduce you to. having a good research experience in something you’re not totally sold on is much more helpful to you than an eh experience in your “preferred” subfield.
so this essentially amounts to set ambitious goals, shake it off, be up front with people, never be ashamed, find people who will support you, and take care of yourself. as always, asks on any of this are welcome, and more detailed, smaller posts are coming once I figure out how to do the quantum homework.
I just read "let us love each other until the end" on AO3 and had to run to gush about it. The bathroom scene, with Toge signing "I'm sorry" in Japanese over and over is one of the most beautiful pieces of literature I have ever read. (I should preface this with I am deaf lol) There's a certain intimacy with signing wholeheartedly like you described, and I can tell how much work you put into researching how to convey signing while writing and I really appreciate it. <3
HIII first of all I'm so sorry for getting to this sooo late but pls know I've thought abt it countless times since you sent it in & it makes me so 🥰💗🥹 I'm really glad you liked it so much!!! I think the bathroom scene is like. one of my most favourite scenes ever written. and him sitting on a stool in a bathtub, staring at the ground, hair soaking wet, was the only thought I had going in to write that fic lmao
also I'm like. over the moon at how that kind of intimacy came through!! for me bathrooms have always been this kind of safe space where you're free with your own thoughts. you're like an open wound but you can control what infects it (you) - you can let in whoever you want. and inumaki doesn't /want/ to let the reader in, per se, but he bears the pain and lets them in anyway. and I think there's this added vulnerability that comes with being so exposed (literally and figuratively lol) in a bathroom when you're not alone and your safe space isn't just yours anymore. and it's like he's at his lowest and he feels useless and pathetic and utterly unlovable but he's already let you in so now he thinks you should stay. the damage has been done and now he wants you stay. despite it all. is that too much to ask for? that you stay even though you know he's not worth it? he finds himself desperately clinging to the hope that you say no. that you shut the door behind yourself and you lather shampoo in your hands and you tell him that he doesn't even need to ask. there's just something so needy, so pleading in his repetition. his begging the reader to look at me. please look at me. please don't leave me, too.
ignore the fact that im eating my words here..........im very very excited about your naoya fic. your big big brained for that. when u said he'd enjoys giving oral bc of his ego....it made me look at him in a slightly different light
he gets one taste and suddenly he's hooked on giving oral. utterly insatiable. wants to live between your thighs, wants to have you for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert for the rest of his life. when he first gets into a relationship, i don't think going down on them is even a thought for him. but then his partner says something about how he's probably scared he wouldn't be able to make them cum with his hands/ mouth and he just— he can't have that. it's such a massive blow to his pride that they think he's that pathetic — as if he couldn't make them fall apart with a single finger — and he just needs to prove them wrong.
Nah fr I really appreciate all the effort that goes behind your blog from the constantly stunning themes, the font colors and sizes, the warnings, the tags, just in general how thorough and enjoyable you are😤 big fan! Ur such a joy to keep my notifs on for
Your writing blends fucking immaculately. I know that sounds weird, but I mean the transition and execution of scenes, the balance between imagery and dialogue, every element just coalesces so smoothly into the masterpiece that it is…this is in reference to your entire masterlist that I binged for the third time this week btw💙💙💙
