#comedy product

[deathbygummybears]

YEAH!!!! WOOHOOO!!!!

[mysterykid72]

[literalforklift]

I live in a studio apartment. One room. When people come over I like to give them a tour. It helps loosen up their neck.

Mitch Hedberg

[literalforklift]

I got a sliding-glass door, it has a sticker. It says, ‘Warning! Alarm system.’ It's a real simple alarm, too. It consists of... a sticker. If I'm gonna threaten people with words, I should be more intense than an alarm system. Like maybe, ‘Warning! No air inside! Quicksand! And a monster!’

Mitch Hedberg

[ohodenkirk]

Bob and Andy Dick as famous and pre-fame Marilyn Monroe...this has to be one of my favorite Bob performances, never fails to make me belly laugh on a shitty day.

[literalforklift]

I was home last week and I heard a gunshot outside my apartment. Then I saw two guys run by my window. So I was gonna call the police, but then I got optimistic. I said, 'Hey, maybe it's just a race. Yeah, that's what it is. There's a lot of late-night track-and-field events by my house. Nocturnal jocks.'

Mitch Hedberg

[literalforklift]

A lot of people flash the peace sign these days, you know? It's cool to flash the peace sign, but I think it's cooler to express peace verbally. 'Hey, brother. Two.'

Mitch Hedberg

[literalforklift]

I walk a lot, I'm a walker. I find if I don't walk I end up in one spot.

Mitch Hedberg