May 5, 2025
at the point in my life where my stance towards birthdays is just 'look, I'm really busy this month, can we reschedule this and all of the emotional baggage attached with it as well for a couple months down the line please'
#I'm about a week out from 23 and this is the first time in my life where I've actually felt my age tbh.#as a kid I befriended teachers and librarians more than peers and I was never much of a childlike kid#but as an adult I've felt like the three-kids-in-a-trenchcoat-walking-into-a-movie-theatre equivalent of an adult.#It's like impostor syndrome with my own age. always a little too much or not quite enough.#but 23 feels like you put those opposing notions in a blender. you mix it together and it's like Yep That's 23 All Right.#it's weird looking at my friends that are my age though.#some people my age are settling down and having careers and kids and others are joining pyramid schemes and dating The Worst Man#so overall I guess I'm doing okay for myself here in the middle. my life is painfully aimless but I'm not dating The Worst Man#and I'm not selling vector knives or keto diet plans on tiktok so I've at least made a few good decisions along the way I guess.#like never downloading tiktok lol. god that's another thing. that makes me feel old. I don't get tiktok but anyways. back to 23.#there's just this constant 'you're almost in your mid-twenties. you should be doing more' kind of feeling that I never quite know-#-what to do with.#like you're just waiting for it to all click together but the clicker's jammed.#the economy and job market is also just fucked which isn't helping much.#too young for financial stability or a stable career. too old for the dissonant solace of younger generations' apathetic nihilism.#the perfect age to remember Windows XP and Colbie Calliat I guess.#comforting.
