And so it Begins
I did it. I did it. I did it. I did it..... sorry small children and Dora flashbacks. Although I did do the thing I was wanting to do and not sure how to do. And all I needed to do it was a lesbian around my age and lot and lots of alcohol.
So backstory of the event. Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year. It is always a weird time for me cause I am used to the historic have to have the meal with my dad and Janet, Grammy and Pops and the rest of the family. Now due to the forever continuation of time we have Thanksgiving at the camp on Lake Martin. It is a great place for the room and available space to host a large amount of people. It is with Deborah and Jean and that group. So most of them I am not really, really familiar with all of them.
My dad said he was going to come to the dinner. I am always happy to have my dad get out of the house and socialize. I think he is almost worse then me when it comes to not wanting to be social. I love him and I am always happy to have everyone out and together. The only problem was I was in the middle of trying to figure out how to broach the subject of my bisexuality somehow maybe at Thanksgiving. I guess my thought was that there would be lesbians in the vicinity and it might have helped or something, So now I am going to the lake house and thinking my dad was going to be there and I was not going to be able to do what I wanted to do.
I had been spending a bit more time at Jen’s house over the past week or so before Thanksgiving and it was a situation that helped me understand why so many people talk of the fear and hesitation to tell people. I couldn't figure out how to broach the subject and I would go home kicking myself that I didn't say anything. I could have said this and done this.
In the end my dad didn't come to thanksgiving. I was kinda sad. He had to stay home and finish paperwork for the job he just finished. But even when he told me he was not able to come and eat I was still not able to say anything. I have never been very good and just coming out and saying things anyway add on something I as still a little confused about and my anxiety about not being taking serious or just following a trend and what not I kept my mouth shut.
So plans were made for a few of us to go out Friday night. Bradley and Nancy- some of Deborah‘s friends, Stephanie and her bestie Alexis, Jen, Brad and me. Sarah and Phil were supposed to go but were unable to make it.
It was a big day for me even before the big stuff. I went over to Jen’s after work and we got to really hang out-sans kids. Jen was having a great holiday in general because it was one of the few times she has had more then a day or so off of work and no kids. So we ran a few errands. Then we went home and worked on my hair some more. I think I might actually get to the white blonde area for my hair. I am really excited and a little nervous at the same time. Then Jen helped me do my make-up and hair. She is so awesome about that kind off stuff. Cause I am useless.
Anyway long story to get to the part I was working up to. We went out and partied. I have not gotten good and drunk in a very long time. I am never good about that kind of thing cause I am usually on my own and going to and from places myself. I used an UBER for the first time in my life. It was cool and weird at the same time. But it leaves you open to do whatever it is you want. and we did. Side note- I have a new drink to order when I am out partying Jamieson and Ginger Ale. So thank you Stephanie for the ability to drink something like a normal person.
So a few hours into the night I end up outside smoking and talking to Alexis. We end up having this in depth conversation about stuff and her past relationships come up and I just kinda ask how you come out to people and what it is you are supposed to do. So she told me her coming out story and I told her and Stephanie I was bi and how I was having trouble finding a way to tell Jen about it and that I don't think I will ever tell my dad. I am ok with the thought. The only time it would come up as a thing is if I ever have a relationship I wanted to bring home to see him. I am just not at that point at the moment. So I will just roll with the situation I am in now.
Anyway cut to the next bar The Greenroom and I'm on my third or fourth Jamie and Ginger and feeling the effects quite nicely. Another side note- was introduced to a new shot called a Red-headed Slut. Thanks for that Bradley!1 or a Lindsey Lohan- a red-headed slut with Coke. So I end up outside the bar talking with Jen. She was telling me her thoughts about her relationship and how she feels like she attracts a certain type of person. I am listening and talking with her and tell her I have wanted to tell her something and did know how. And I tell her I'm bi. And in perfect fashion for me and the way things are going for me she said she had suspected it for awhile. I am having a situation trying to figure out how to put it into the conversation and when I get the courage to say it....it is no big deal and already being thought about you anyway.
So.....things I have learned at the beginning of the Holiday season. I am transparent and my family is loves me for me. I am not sure if the fact is going to travel around at all. I have no clue. But I did something I had been psyching myself out about for a few months now. Now to put it on a more public platform. Resolution ideas for the new year- making it official and putting it on Facebook. Doing something for myself and get into an exercise routine. Go on a date with a woman. Or just something like that in that department. I have been single for to long.