#commitaphobe

[aquarian-madness]

*realizing I’m starting to fall for a Cancer/Gemini/Sagittarius Mars*

Me: oh NO GOD, WHY ME!! WHY ME. WHAT HAVE I DONE??!?! NOOOOOOOOOO 😭😭

[mayyams]

The confessions of a gamophobic

I’ve never dated a lot. I’ve had a lot of near-connections, infatuations, near-misses, friendzoning (on both ends), but relationships- a true connection- those are rare in my life. I’m not ashamed of it, although I used to feel the need to keep up with my female peers in the pursuit of “love” and “happiness.” Regardless, I think I’m ready to confess my crimes as a gamophobic aka a commitaphobe.

I am the frog in boiling water- I sit and wait for the warmth, wait and wait, without realizing the heat between us. This is detrimental- either you pull us off the heat, or I jump out and run.

I’m a hopeless romantic with a realist streak and a monogamous tendency- you were my best connection, but I pushed you away because I knew I was career-driven, yet every time I see you, I wish madly that a change of heart would whisk me away in the sunset. Contradictory and especially confusing- I really don’t know what to tell you...

I can be cordial and giggle my way across the dance floor, through a nice dinner, and in every text, but I sometimes just can’t connect with you. It’s instinctive, and I never believed this because I’m a scholar of formulas and algorithms, but that gut is too organic to ignore.

Number 3 leads to my 4th crime: lack of checklists/criteria. I really don’t have a “type,” per se. But, EVERYONE has a type! Yes, I have certain qualities that I’d deem as a perfect mate, but again, that connection, the mind, the character is what wins me over. And the dating apps just cannot help me with reconciling this concept. Falling back to passing superficial judgement on pictures and misspellings on profiles disgusts me to the point of tears and frustration (of myself. not all the great young gentlemen online). 

I am recovering from gamophobic whiplash- put two gamophobes together is like trying to shove two positives poles of magnets together and watching them repel. I was so ready to climb out of my gamophobia, but timing was just impossible. And this has reverted me into a severe gamophobic state, leaving a trail of “Sorry, I don’t think we’re compatible” texts after many first dates. 

With all of this listed, I’m still unsure how to approach jumping back onto the playing field. There’s certainly no reason to not to. Youth is celebrated so highly nowadays! Yet, I’m feel like a stuck wheel in a rut. Internet, what is your advice to get out of this funk? 

[stormyweatherahead-blog]

I don't think I'm ready for the commitment of liquid eyeliner

[cailleachy]

Brain: So we're gonna be a huge commitaphobe about everything

Me: Wait I don-

Brain: but also have an extreme fear of abandonment

Me: What the actual fuck. No. Why?

Brain: You gotta.

[mizzhannarchy]

My head is so conflicted atm. I've had way too much time alone with my thoughts and I'm struggling to figure out what I want. On one hand: relationships, hurray. Go and get one. Companionship and sweetness. And on the other: ew relationships and feelings, stay away. Be a commitaphobe as usual and play the field like you've always wanted. And on the hand I'm playing at the minute: Be a commitaphobe that's too scared to do what she wants on the off chance that she'll hurt someone's feelings. Damn I need to be cold.

[marevol]

Fear has stopped me from truly being happy.

Marevol

[4011banana]

how come ur not dating anyone

[imma-hippy]

Last night Dreadlock Gemini came over which is the first time I've seen him in months cause he kept cancelling and never following up. Now I had made a concious decision to let him go since he never talks to me first any more and when I do start a conversation its a real fucking struggle. I half wanted to cancel last night because I'd honestly had enough but I'd bought him a birthday present and wanted to get rid of it. 

So he turns up and all we do is talk and watch TV/films. But I had such an awesome time with him. He's so funny and cute and smells good and I love his smile and his hair and his clothes and EVERYTHING.

He left last night at 10.30pm and I hugged him goodbye and the bastard has once again sucked me in.

ARGHHHHH!

Stupid commitaphobe Suffolk living hippy!