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How was Maryland?

Okay, so Maryland is host state to Charmed, the East Coast hypnosis convention--

We have gone in 2020, 2023 and 2024

2021's event was not held due to COVID, 2022 we skipped because of the Omicron spike and 2025 we missed due to being sick

So for a full recap of 2023's Charmed event we wrote it here

2020 and 2024's journals are both in our private offline journal due to circumstances surrounding the events

We have only really explored close to the host hotel (albeit we did try to go to an independent queer cafe one year, we didn't have time) and the majority of our experience is linked with Charmed

The port area is gorgeous though--

as 2020 and 2024 are not covered by our con recaps we'll give a lil' exert from our private journal with stuff that's okay to show to public:

#cammie asks #hypno asks #daja <3 #con recaps #unfiltered experiences

A Demon’s Contract

“So. I heard you just threw my soul on the ground and left it behind, in the dirt, all lonely and sad.”

(They did not.)

Saturday evening, I happened to see someone wearing a bracelet - a bracelet that used to be mine. A bracelet that I, last year, gave to @soundshypnotic. The bracelet that we assigned, jokingly, as the majority of my soul that I had bargained away at last year’s Charmed.

The person that I saw wearing their bracelet was NOT them!!

As @pollyannadom walked up to the vending table that I was sitting at, I could not help but notice the bracelet. Had I given her a similar bracelet? Was it a coincidence that she had the same one?

I can’t remember who brought it up first, but it was discovered that @soundshypnotic had left it in @pollyannadom’s room! All alone!!

“I’m going to tell them that YOU said that they just threw it on the ground and left it all alone,” I had whined, dramatically sighing.

Flash forward to Sunday night, when I was relaxing in someone’s room late at night instead of sleeping. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t want to sleep. Sleep would bring a new day, a day that I’d have to return. And my heart was sinking. And I was drowning in the knowledge of needing to return back to my parents.

@soundshypnotic was there, bracelet on their wrist. I made the snarky remark that they still owed me an apology for leaving my poor soul all alone.

“What can I do to make up for it?” they asked, a small smile tugging at their lips.

“I mean, you could give me my soul back,” I grinned as I grabbed at the bracelet, only to have them pull away. Alas, it would not come so easily.

“You’re going to have to bargain for it.”

“How about...” I had my game plan. I had a surefire way to get my soul back this time, one that’d tug at their heartstrings. I’d talk about how the bracelet’s color had faded away in so many places. How it had been well-worn. And how that meant a lot to me. How my soul had already spent enough time with them, and that bringing it back, I’d be able to face the prospect of returning back to that house with renewed strength, renewed energy and care. With the comfort of knowing that I had them close by, of knowing that people cared about me.

I could not manage to get out my entire speech before they stopped me with their own words, precious words that stopped me in my tracks. Their actions, their fingers sliding their bracelet off of their wrist and onto mine. I stuttered out the rest of my planned speech, to their gentle nodding and soft smile.

“Okay,” they said softly. “You can have it back.”

I slipped the bracelet off of my wrist once more and handed it back to them.

“My soul is my soul,” I explained, “and it would rest easier knowing that you still had this bracelet as a token from me, for what it means to the both of us, and for the memories of this moment.”

And so they kept their bracelet.

“I love you,” they had whispered back then. Those words that had scrambled the ones I had so carefully planned.

“I love you too,” I had whispered back, the only words that I could think of to respond.

And so I kept my soul.

Even though, a little part of it will still always be with them, just as a little part of them will always be with mine. The crossroad demon’s contract, too powerful to be contained by just any tangible object, instead bound by their words, and mine.

A soul never truly left behind, or ever really alone.

#thank you pollyannadom for picking up my soul off of the DIRT TRODDEN PATH #thank you soundshypnotic for my soul back #thank you for being in my life.#thank you for all that you have done for me #thank you for your words #thank you for your actions #this was an amazingly intense emotional moment for me #and I can't describe how much it meant to me #Thank you for the reassurance that I am not alone #and just as I have shared my soul with you I feel like you shared yours with me #and for that I am humbled and grateful #Charmed #Charmed 2019 #Charmed2019 #con recaps #sappiness waaah #ew gross wholesome ugh #wholesome friendship UGH no one's on a smut blog for that!!

Entranced 2018 Recap

I typed this out like, earlier in the afternoon, but Tumblr ate it. Clearly, it was a sign, and that means this version will be much shorter than I anticipated the first one being.

So my flight on Thursday was at around the time I usually fall asleep, 5 AM, and I had to leave home at 3 AM to get there. Attempts to sleep before and during the flight were...not good. By the time I touched down in Chicago and had breakfast and lunch and others were planning to walk around the city, I was dead on my feet and wobbling and unsteady, so I wound up taking the subway plus driving back with @tennfan2, who was such great company and conversation that I couldn’t sleep anyway! I finally crashed after some 24 hours + of being awake.

I spent a majority of my time Thursday night and during the con generally mostly hanging out in the ever-wonderful @sebsteerpike‘s Seb Lounge with friends both old and new. I actually didn’t get to meet a lot of people I wish I met, or didn’t get to spend enough time with some people. I wish I had been downstairs a bit more often, but I had anticipated being a bit low-energy and tired so I suppose it was as expected. Thank you @entrancedhypnocon whatever TUMBLR FINE don’t tag them but thank you, to everyone who made this event possible, for your work and effort into this space that means so much to so many people.

The most notable event of Friday and, to be perfectly honest, the entire con was the amazing femme flirt dinner orchestrated by @ellaenchanting and @sex-obsessed-lesbian Friday evening. A+++ presentation, you guys. And you guys I wore a button down shirt and a TIE A TIE A TIE I WORE A TIE THAT @zanythoughts GOT FOR ME AND WE WORE EACH OTHER’S POCKET SQUARES AND WE MATCHES AND AAHH I HAVE POCKET SQUARES NOW AND A THIRD TIE and it is blue and patterned and I love it I love it so much. Thank you for the tie and pocket squares, and for the lovely ramen socks which I am currently wearing right now.

I got a ton of compliments on rocking a tie which honestly just put me over the moon and my voice would raise three octaves as I re-explained to every poor unsuspecting person who was just trying to compliment me how @zanythoughts got me the tie and how our pocket squares matched the other’s tie. The evening was full of fun and chatter and amazing flirting techniques. I have since, in conversation with another friend, ended every other sentence with “Eyyyyy, finger guns” *tongue clicks* as prime flirting technique. She has called me a trash monster and wishes longingly of the days before I went to the femme flirt dinner. It is kind of the best.

Saturday was the wonderful GFD class taught by @dommestic and @ellaenchanting which was both informative and super engaging, and quite honestly brought out just a litttttle bit of toppiness in me. I mean, it’s hard not to when you are at this awesome class, jam packed with people sitting on the floor and standing because there aren’t enough chairs. It was an absolutely wonderful class.

Other highlights: I also got this nifty pin from @dommesticpet (two, actually!) and have kept that nearby since I got home from the con. Thank you for this little reminder of my home away from home.

@enscenic‘s banana bread which I gnawed on and was a good snack/meal when I did not have any.

The awesome ramen lunch I had Monday afternoon before I left.

The late night talks and silliness I had with my wonderful roommates @zanythoughts and cereal and ramen at 3 AM in the morning.

I could go on and on into inside jokes and memories, but I shall spare you my slow descent into incoherent words and babbling, and just know that I look upon all these memories fondly. I’ll tag some friends and just understand that I might forget some names because I’m still exhausted and because there are so many good people about! In true hypnocon recap fashion, I do have at least two more recaps. Look forward to them soon!

I have been listening to The Greatest Showman (no surprise there) the past day and I’m reminded of the lyrics from Come Alive: “Come alive, come alive, go and light your light, let it burn so bright, reaching up, to the sky, and it’s open wide, you’re electrified. When the world becomes a fantasy, and you're more than you could ever be, 'cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open. And you know you can't go back again, to the world that you were living in, 'cause you're dreaming with your eyes wide open. So, come alive!”

I come alive at these cons. They mean so much to me and everyone that I meet, friends that I haven’t seen in ages and people I meet for the first time, make my con special. I’ve spoken before of how these cons feel dream-like, separated from time and space. It’s like dreaming with my eyes wide open. When I’m here, I’m more than just me. I feel so much more than I could ever be. And thank you all for being a part of these happy times, for lifting me up, for your support, your encouragement, and your care.

Thank you all for the experience and the memories.

#Entranced #Entranced 2018 #con recaps #Entranced recaps #Ari adventures #me

Entranced and Drop

I think it’s a good idea to talk about the good times and the rough, and with any con comes con drop and some not-so-great times. Part of writing this out is both to kind of process my own feelings and also to give a more accurate snapshot of my con experience (since I did mention I had three recaps for it). This one deals with some hard feelings so, exercise self-care and don’t read it if you think you’re not in a good headspace for it, if you so like. I won’t be offended! This is a largely personal and selfish post after all, about my emotions during the con. I wonder if it’ll be of any help to read for anyone else, or if this winds up just being written for myself.

I spent most likely half, or more of my con in a sort of funk, that I wish wouldn’t have happened - but I did go into it knowing I’d be low energy, with all that was going on in my life. Cons are intense and emotions fly high y’all, and like I mentioned in another post, happiness and sadness are not two sides of a spectrum. The intensity of emotion is, and then happiness and sadness are just on two sides of a curtain, a very flimsy curtain that a breeze sometimes flips over completely. In the moment it feels like something must be wrong with you, to go from being so happy to suddenly full of dread, but it’s natural, really. At least that’s what I tell myself.

The sometimes not-spoken-about-enough rule of cons is that there are high highs and sometimes very low lows. In times like these, it’s good to be able to rely on friends who can help by being around, by talking it out, by just having your back. I know I have several friends’ back. I have been emotional support at cons in the past. Yet for some reason, I couldn’t shake that illogical, perhaps familiar feeling many have of feeling alone, of not wanting to bother anyone, of not being worth the support I’d give others - even though I intellectually knew many that would be happy to be mine. But I was so preoccupied with the worry of ruining other peoples’ experience that I wound up internalizing a lot of it and not going about the feelings in a healthy way. Don’t do that! Reach out! Don’t be an idiot like me.

I wrote once, about how feelings about the con varied wildly from my first Charmed to my first NEEHU. I wrote about how I struggled with some really heavy feelings about never being able to return again after Charmed, and how after NEEHU I was more forward-looking, determined to return, and the difference in those feelings. This time, it wasn’t so much leaving the con that hurt, so much as the idea of returning home. They’re very similar, about the same thing, but the feelings around one are different than the other.

After the femme flirt dinner put on by @ellaenchanting and @sex-obsessed-lesbian, which I described in my last recap, I was flying high. It was an amazing time, it was wonderful, and I rode that high while it lasted. Alas, the curtain flips. Changing out of my clothes, and undoing my tie, there was that sense of loneliness. A scrap of paper from my pockets fell on the floor. An anonymous flirt from another table (there was no name and I don’t know who passed it to me!), that told me I was rocking my tie. I went from feeling so accepted and around like-minded people, to slipping the tie off and putting the scrap of paper somewhere safe with it - so that they wouldn’t be found when my luggage and bag were searched later at home.

God, it’s just a shitty feeling! I don’t want to go home. It wasn’t the ‘I don’t want to leave this wonderful space’, it was just the ‘I don’t want to go home’. In that aspect, was what I had really con drop? Or was it just the feeling of my day-to-day life really sinking in, regardless of the fun I was having during the con? Sure, I started feeling lonely generally, but that’s because I let it fester. If I had reached out more, or if I had fallen back, I know there would have been people to catch me. In this aspect I didn’t follow through on the advice I’d give to anyone else in my position. Negative feelings during cons are hard, and especially when you try to tackle them on your own.

Eventually, by Sunday, the day where I’d normally be dreading the end of the con, I realized that I’d probably feel better once I got home. The irony of home also being the source of these negative feelings is not lost on me. Once I got home, I rationalized, I’d settle. It’d be ‘normal’ again. The only reason the feelings were hitting me so hard was because I was somewhere vibrant and colorful and it’s easier to notice when I feel grey. Where everything is grey-scale, it doesn’t matter as much.

But damn, I shouldn’t have to feel that way.

Overall, my con experience was good, because the negative feelings I had were brought from outside of it, and because it was kind of my own fault I had so many in the first place. I’m a little down now, from missing people, from missing that space, but also just generally from...being back home. So it’s back to the usual grey-scale.

The plus is, a lot of my negative feelings were about going back home, which has already happened. It really was just during that weekend. I know I can still reach out to many of my friends online. I know that they’re there. I think I have handled what con drop I have had pretty well, if only because I’m preoccupied with my day-to-day struggles that take precedent.

I’m sorry I wasn’t more engaging or exciting, or didn’t get to hang out more with some people! But we’ve got each other’s usernames, and even if we don’t, we’ll see each other down the line again at some point, I’m sure. Thank you all for being so wonderful, and vibrant, and colorful people in my life.

#entranced 2018 #entranced #con recaps #hmmm i realized halfway through this was going to get too into my home-life instead of a con recap #so i guess like i'll write about that later #not that anyone really needs to know my home life?#but like yeah #thank you to this community and certain people in it #for being the color in my life #that sometimes blinds me #but ultimately enriches me #and for teaching me to color myself out of the lines #and for letting me be colorful too