#conciergeconfessions

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

The time my new favorite customer made fun of my least favorite customer.

Least Fav: "Can you have my car brought up?"

Sure, do you have the valet ticket?

Least Fav: "It's in my room."

Oh, well they do need the valet ticket, otherwise there is paperwork they will need you to fill out.

Least Fav: "I don't understand why you need the valet ticket. It's up in my room and I'm not going back to get it! I can tell you what car it is. It's a green Jeep Liberty. There is no reason you need the ticket!"

New Fav: "Yeah, I agree with her. I also have a car but no ticket. It's the red Porsche. Or the Maserati. I'll take either."

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

Chop-Chop.

"The key to my room isn't working."

Okay, I can make a new key. I just need a photo ID and the room number.

"It was room number 555."

Yes, it says that you checked out of the room already, that's why the key won't work.

"No, I didn't check out. I just dropped the other keys I didn't need in the Express Checkout box."

Oh, yes. If you drop keys in the Express Checkout box the room is automatically checked out.

"Well, yeah, but how should I know it would happen so fast. It's misleading. You should call it something that lets people know it will check them out really fast. Know what I mean?"

Like Supersonic Checkout? Lightning-Fast? Or maybe the Chop-Chop Checkout box?

"Yes, any of those would make more sense."

Would you like to write that on a comment card? I'd love to give it to my manager...

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

I tell people where to eat and what to see, but now apparently I also need to tell them when. God help them if they make me pick times for their wake-up calls...

"Can you make us a reservation for the River Tour tomorrow?"

Yes, what time would you like?

"Like, mid day."

Okay, they have cruises about every hour.

"Great."

So... 12 noon?

"Sure. Or 11. Or 1. Whatever."

Noon it is.

"And tonight can you make us reservations at your restaurant for 2 people?"

Certainly, what time would you like to eat?

"Not too late."

5:30?

"Well, not that early."

8?

"That's too late."

So what time?

"Somewhere between 6ish and 7:30..."

What time?

"We had a late lunch."

So what time?

"Well, what time is it now?"

It's 5 hours and 45 minutes before my shift is over...

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

I'm a concierge, not a weatherman, but I'll placate and patronize you just the same.

(Calling on New Years Day.) "We're coming to your hotel for Valentine's Day. Do you think the weather could affect flights?"

It could, if the weather is bad.

"Do you think it will be bad?"

I don't know, that's a bit too far away to predict.

"If you had to take a wild guess though, what would you say?"

Sure, it could be a blizzard.

"Really?! Why do you say that?"

I'm an optimist.

"Don't you mean pessimist?"

No, I love the snow.

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

*RING RING*

Hello. Thank you for calling the concierge. How may I help you?

“Can you give me the address for Tiffany’s?”

It’s at 730 N Michigan.

“What’s the phone number?

That is 312-555-5555.

“How do I walk there?”

Turn right out the front door, turn left onto Michigan Avenue.

“Great, hold on, let me get a pen. Then I’ll need you to repeat that all…”

Okay….

“I can’t find a pen. Can you e-mail it?”

Sure…

“When I come down, can I use your computer to print it?”

Can I write it down for you?

“I’d rather you e-mail it. It’s easier.”

Of course it is…

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

And they look at me like I'm the crazy one.

"Are we in this building?"

...Are we in this building?

"Yeah, are we in this building?" (He points to himself and then the surrounding structure.)

...Um, yes, you and I are in this building...

"No, I'm with the law seminar. Do we have our meetings at this hotel or somewhere else? What did you think I meant?"

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

Always take your concierge's recommendation.

"How do I get to the Grand Ballroom?"

You can take this escalator.

"Or we can take the stairs?"

Sure, you could do that.

"But do you recommend the escalator?"

Well, it's easier and faster.

"If that's what you recommend."

It is.

"Then that's what I'll do!"

[conciergeconfessions-blog]

Sometimes I give up.

"Can you walk to the Rock n' Roll Hall of fame from here?"

No, it's in Cleveland.

"Are you sure?"

Yeah. (Then he had me Google it to prove it.)

"Really? I thought it would be in a big city like the Baseball Hall of Fame."

I think Cleveland is bigger than Cooperstown.

"What's Cooperstown?"

Nothing, never mind.