i have been so inactive here but recently i'm back in the building of actively questioning if i'm a system and it's so ? ? ? ? ? , ykwim ?
like sometimes i'll feel really confident and sure of myself then i get waves of denial because our system doesn't function like others or i don't act in the same way other people did when discovering this stuff ,
i think we may be a p-did system which is already not talked about enough but i feel like we don't fit into the mold of p-did that i've set for ourselves , i guess in a way its worrying cause i'm scared of what way i feel is truly me and whats passive influence ,, but it's not like it negatively impacts me on a day to day basis and that just makes me really nervous ,,,
i have so many questions that i don't know how to ask and i worry that i'm completely misunderstanding my brain and everything and that i'm 100% wrong and overreacting or that all my symptoms aren't symptoms at all and are completely normal things ,
^ for example , the main way i hear them is through thoughts in my head that i can't control when i'm really tired ,, but sometimes they make no sense and maybe it's just me being tired and NOT p-did ,,, which i guess leads into my first question : is that / can that be how hearing them works ? i'm aware that they're not actual voices and moreso thoughts you can't control ,,,, but is it possible for that to be the only way to hear them and is it possible for them to not really be able to hear you ?
GAH ! ! ! !