Conquer You - Chapter 12
(gif credit @stormwxthskin)
This chapter is for @stormwxthskin who said they deserved more cuddles and kisses. And of course for everyone else who’s still reading and commenting. You lovely ladies never fail to inspire me!
@tomboy-till-death @ladyvampirelove @neverlands-little-lost-girl @itharley @samantha24015 @peculiarleah @skeletoresinthebasement @thenorns-themoirai @kirah31 @onjacks-blog @djisfantastic @kawennote09 @wantingdreamsnotreality @shondlenoodle @ducklyz @lovelynerdytraveler @stormwxthskin @readsalot73 @vixsyncynco @dina-m16 @tenps @red608 @kenzieam @the-ruler-of-helheim @nothingbuthappydays
First Chapter - Previous Chapter
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Two days later Thyra felt a lot better, at least on the physical side. It was still painful to move, but the pain wasn’t bad enough anymore to make her stomach turn and tears shoot into her eyes. Lagertha had visited her every now and then and Björn had been there as well, lightening her mood with stories about foreign lands and his adventures. Once a day the healers came to change her bandages and check on her wounds.
But all the healers in the world couldn’t ease her worst pain. It were the wounds that weren’t physical hadn’t even started to heal and were still tormenting her every second she was awake and sometimes even in her sleep as she dreamt of finding Lagertha in a puddle of blood and of Ivar laughing about her stupidity.
She still hadn’t talked to Ivar. She just couldn’t bring herself to do it. The pain he had caused her was still too fresh. She didn’t feel ready to face the possibility that he had just used her and even worse, that she had allowed him to do it. Even if that was not the case and he had really just tried to protect her, she wasn’t sure if she could forgive him for tricking her like that, for not being honest with her.
For hours now she could hear a storm raging outside, the howling of the wind and the rumble of Thor’s hammer. She remembered the first night she had given herself to Ivar. It had been a stormy night as well. Thor had been hitting his anvil just like he did today. Ivar had said that it was a sign that the goods approved of them being together, but now she wasn’t so sure of that anymore. Maybe the gods had wanted to warn her. She shook her head. Or maybe she just wasn’t important enough for the gods to care at all.
A soft knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts and before she could react the door was opened. To her surprise it was Ubbe standing in the door frame, looking terribly uncomfortable.
“What do you want?” Thyra asked, finding her voice sounding even more hostile than she had intended.
Ubbe tried to give her a smile but it looked more like a pained grimace. “I know I’m probably the last person you want to see…”
“You’re damned right about that.” Thyra interrupted him with a snort.
He nodded sadly. “I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t important. I need to talk to you.”
Thyra shrugged. “Talk.”
Ubbe shifted uncomfortably on account of her un-welcoming behavior. “I’m worried about Ivar. He disappeared into the forest a couple of hours ago and hasn’t come back.”
And as if to underline his words a gust of wind rattled on the wooden roof of the hall. Thyra could see the honest worry in Ubbe’s eyes and suddenly felt bad for acting so hostile. Despite the fact that she wasn’t sure anymore how she felt about Ivar, worry began to rise inside of her as well.
“Have you not asked him where he was going in a weather like this?” She asked.
“I tried to, but he was in one his not so pleasant moods. He just mumbled something about someone being a coward and him being the only one who truly cared for you. You know him when he’s like this. There’s no point in trying to talk to him.” He wearily rubbed his face. “I really need to find him. He hasn’t slept in days and I doubt that he has eaten properly. He’s not in a condition to be out there in this kind of storm.”
Thyra felt a wave of guilt mix with her worry. The shape Ivar was in was caused by his refusal to leave her side, even after she had thrown him out of this room. Maybe Lagertha was right and he really cared for her. If she had just brought herself to talk to him earlier…
“Do you have any idea where he might have gone?” She asked.
Ubbe shook his head. “I was hoping you knew. Do you two have something like private spot you go to regularly?”
She felt a blush on her cheeks. “Nothing I can think of.”
He sighed. “Well, it was worth a try.” He tried another weak smile. “Maybe the goods will guide me to him.”
“Wait.” Thyra said as he turned to leave. “I’m coming with you.”
Ubbe raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re still weak. You should stay where you are.”
She clenched her teeth. “That is not your decision to make.” With that she swung her legs over the side of the bed, suppressing a groan at the pain in her side and her thigh.
The doubt was still evident on Ubbe’s features. “I really don’t think that’s good idea.”
“Stop wasting time. We have to find him before it gets dark.” She said, ending the conversation and grabbing her cloak on the way out.
As soon as the doors of the great hall closed behind them Thyra started to shiver. It was freezing cold and the rain poured down mercilessly, while the storm pulled on her cloak, making it appear even colder than it actually was. The worry felt like a stone in her chest. If Ivar was out in this weather for hours, he must have been half frozen to death by now. The fact that he had had to drag himself over the wet and cold ground didn’t make it any better.
“In which direction did he go?” She yelled over the howling of the storm.
Ubbe gestured for her to follow him. Thyra was relieved to find that she could keep up with him. She was limping and it hurt like hell, but she could walk.
“This is where I last saw him.” Ubbe said as they reached the tree line. “From here on the gods will have to guide us.”
The sunlight was blocked by thick black clouds and between the trees it got even darker. It was as if they were walking into the night. The howling of the wind and the occasional sounds of braking branches combined with the all-consuming darkness, only lit by lighting every now and then, made the usually so peaceful forest appear like a place of nightmares.
“How bad is it?” Ubbe asked after a while, pointing at her limping leg.
“I’m fine.” Thyra just said, trying to ignore the burning sensation the spread from the wound on her thigh. If she was completely honest she was beginning to doubt her decision, but she would have rather bitten off her tongue than to admit that. And her worry for Ivar kept pushing her forward.
Ubbe didn’t seem convinced in the slightest but he dropped the topic. “Be careful. Some of these trees might fall.” He said instead and shifted his concentration back to his surroundings.
They had walked for almost an hour, yelling Ivar’s name every few steps, when Thyra noticed the blood soaking through her breeches. She hissed a quiet curse and wrapped her cloak tighter around her to hide it. Ivar where in Odin’s name are you? You can’t die out here. She remembered how she had yelled at him to leave and her heart became heavy with guilt, but with it came also new determination. No, this can’t have been our last conversation.
And then she heard it. It was barely audible over the raging storm but it was clearly Ivar’s voice.
Ubbe had heard it too. “Ivar?” He yelled.
“Over here!”
Thyra had to blink away tears of relief as they started to make their way in the direction Ivar’s voice had come from. When she finally saw him all the pain in her leg was forgotten. She rushed to his side and unceremoniously dropped into the mud next to him, wrapping her arms around him.
He seemed surprised for a moment but then pulled her to his chest and held her close before pushing her away at arm’s length to look at her. “What are you doing here?”
She studied his face. He still looked as weary as he had two days ago, maybe worse even. His hair was a mess of wet strands and his clothes were soaked and muddy, but other than that he seemed to be fine. “We were worried about you.”
He placed his hand on her cheek, giving her a smile. “There’s no need to.” Then he turned to look at Ubbe and his eyes narrowed. “How can you drag her out of bed and bring her along in this kind of weather. She still needs to rest.”
“I did not drag her out of bed…” Ubbe tried to defend himself, but Ivar cut him off. “It doesn’t matter. You should not have allowed it.”
“It is not his fault.” Thyra tried to calm him. “I’m here because I was worried about you. It is stupid to go out in a storm like this. Why did you do that?”
“For you.” He said, softly stroking her cheek. “The healers were out of the herbs they put on your wounds and these cowards didn’t want to go out and get new ones because of the storm. If you wouldn’t still need them, I would cut their stupid heads off.” He patted a small leather bag that was strapped to his belt. “It took me a while to find them all, but I have everything they need now.”
Thyra felt her heart warm and a tingly feeling spread in her stomach. So he did truly care for her. That realization was pure balm for her hurt soul and for the first time she was convinced that it would heal, that Ivar could help her heal it. In this moment she knew she could never hate him, not even if she wanted to.
Ubbe cleared his throat to draw their attention. “I’m really happy to see you reunited, but maybe it’s for best if we get out the rain and wind now.”
Ivar locked his gaze with Thyra’s again and gave her a smile. The look in his eyes made the tingles in her stomach seem to double. “Ubbe’s right.” He said softly. “You need to go back to bed.”
All Thyra wanted right now was to kiss him, feel his arms around her and be as close to him as possible, but she knew he was right. She rose to her feet. And immediately regretted it as dizziness made her vision blur. She caught a last glimpse at Ivar’s face and saw alarm written all over it. Then she sunk into darkness.
Waking up felt like a déjà vu. She was in the same room as last time and Ivar was sitting in the same spot next to her bed.
“What happened?” She felt stupid, constantly having to ask him that question.
“Well, once again you took more than you could handle.” He sounded as if he was scolding a child, but then his voice turned softer. “We all know that you’re strong. There’s no need to try to prove it all the time.”
Thyra pulled a face. “That was not the reason I went with Ubbe.”
“The reason doesn’t matter. It was stupid. I don’t want you to risk your life.” A small grin appeared on his face. “Not even for me.”
She snorted. “You’re insufferable sometimes, you know that? Tell me what happened.”
Ivar shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. You were still too weak and the wound on your leg has started to bleed again, that’s why you went out.”
“How did I get back here?” She asked.
Thyra didn’t fail to notice the shadow that crossed Ivar’s face before he answered.
“Ubbe carried you.” He clenched his jaw and fell quiet.
She could sense that there was something weighting down on him and reached out to take his hand and give it a light tug. Ivar hesitated for a moment but then took the hint and pulled himself into the bed to sit next to her. She wished he would wrap her into his arms so that she could feel his reassuring warmth, but he didn’t.
She let her fingers trail along his jawline. “What is wrong? Tell me.”
His eyes were cast down as he started to speak. “It should have been me. You are my woman, I should be the one to carry you home.”
“Ivar…” She started, but he shook his head.
“There are so many things I can’t give you.” He continued. “I can’t carry you on my hands like I should. I can’t even give you a dance. I can’t press you against a wall to take you like other men do with their women.” He sighed. “And on top of all that I failed so badly to protect you. You deserve better than that. Better than me.”
It took Thyra a moment to take in what he had just said. Sometimes Ivar was still a riddle to her. Normally he could lie to people’s faces without a second thought, he could hide his thoughts and feelings better than anyone she had ever seen. And then there were moments like this when he surprised her with complete honesty, showing her his vulnerable side without warning.
She placed her hand under his chin, forcing him to look at her. “I don’t want someone who carries me on his hands. I want someone who respects me and treats me as an equal. I don’t want someone perfect. I want someone strong, like you.” She smiled. “I want you. I tried to hate you, believe me I really tried, but I couldn’t. You are my destiny. I know that now. And I’m happy about it.”
She slowly bridged the gap between them and placed her lips on his. He responded softly at first, as if he was expecting her to pull away at any second. But soon his hand traveled to the back of her neck as he took more control. The kiss became more hungry as they both had to admit how much they had missed to feel the other.
As they parted Ivar leaned his forehead against hers, letting out a content breath.
“This does not mean that I have forgiven you.” Thyra warned him. “I have just learned that for some reason I can’t go without you.”
He nodded slowly. “I will make it up to you. I promise.”
“Just promise you will never lie to me again.”
He pulled away from her to look into her eyes. “I promise you.” A smirk appeared on his face. “I’ve got something for you.”
He reached into his cloak that he had left on the chair and produced a small bloody bundle.
“What is that?” Thyra asked.
He handed it to her. “Open it.”
She looked at him questioningly as he placed it in her hand, but he just nodded for her to go on. Slowly she began to untangle the bloody cloth and wasn’t too surprised to find a cut off finger.
She raised an eyebrow at Ivar. “What am I supposed to do with a bloody finger? Whose is it anyways?”
He smirked darkly at her. “It belonged to the man who wounded you.”
“But he was one of your warriors.”
He looked at her as if she had just said something completely stupid. “What use do I have for a man who does not follow my orders?”
“Is he dead?” Thyra wanted to know.
For some reason he seemed amused by that. “Not yet. I have other plans for him.”
“What plans?” She asked, but he just shook his head. “You will see when the time is right.”
She knew there was no point in prying, if he did want to tell her yet she would not be able to make him. Instead she reached for one of the rune platelets he had made and gave it to him. “Then at least tell me about those.”
He smiled. “I asked the gods to give you the strength to survive.” He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. “I’m happy they granted me my wish.”
She rested her head against his shoulder. “Where was the blood coming from?”
Ivar pulled up his sleeve and showed her a healing cut on his forearm. “If you ask for something you also have to give.”
Thyra felt a smile form on her face. She was still mad that he had tricked her but everything he had since then he had done for her. He wasn’t just selfish. He truly cared for her. She believed that now. “Thank you.” She whispered.
He placed a kiss on the top of her head. “You should rest now.”
She looked up at his tired eyes. “So should you.”
He shook his head. “I’m not leaving you.”
“I didn’t say that you should leave.” She said lifting up the blanket invitingly.
Ivar grinned at her and pulled his shirt over his head before joining her under the blanket. He pulled her close so that her back was pressed against his chest and Thyra sighed, enjoying his warm and reassuring embrace she had missed to much these past days.