˖᯽ ݁˖ CONRAD FISHER !! PART TWO.
DONT WORRY ILL MAKE YOU WORRY.
conrad fisher x fem!conklin reader
warnings: angst, anxiety, panic attack, mental health, yearning, conklin reader, mentions of sex/no smut you little freaks, season 3 ep 7, angst with fluff ending.
a/n: hi! i love yearning, can’t you tell… i can’t tell if i like the ending. idk but ENJOY!!
your eyes met. your expressions shifted slightly. softer. he slowed slightly, his smile fading into something familiar.
and then, like waking from a dream, you snapped out of it. looked away too quickly. blinked like it hadn’t happened. like it didn’t mean anything. your chest tightened, just a little.
he walked over to you, his hands still buried deep in his pockets, that same easy sway in his step “bored?” he asked, voice low, a little amused.
you blinked up at him, pausing just long enough to make him wonder if you’d even heard. then “a little, yeah,” you said, squinting your eyes in mock seriousness, a playful tilt to your head.
the corner of his mouth twitched like he was trying not to smile. like he saw right through you.
and maybe he did. but that wasn’t a bad thing. was it? the thing was, whatever you and conrad were, it changed everything. like someone shifted the ground a little and didn’t bother to tell anyone. suddenly, everything felt tilted. conversations felt different. looks lingered too long. silence stretched wider. words that were cold, but rarely warm.
it wasn’t love, not exactly. or maybe it was, in that quiet, crooked, hard way love sometimes starts. but the truth is, once it began. whatever it was, nothing else quite fit the same way again. it was like fitting into a old pair of shoes, it felt familiar but something was different. he was different.
and that didn’t just scare you, but it intrigued you. deeply. you were different.
“how is it, being with the frat bros?” you joked, smiling lightly. it felt good talking to him again. you felt free, like a weight had been suffocating you for years. until now.
he lifted his hand, gently moving a small strand of hair from your face. the world paused. your breath hitched. he pulled his hand away quickly, shifting a little where he stood.
“sorry…” he murmured. you shook your head “it’s okay.” you looked away, your heart still beating a million times per second.
you were relieved when the girls called out your name, pulling you away from him. finally. something about standing there with him too long felt…strange.
you all decided on stopping by one more bar before calling it a night. laughter buzzed around you, arms looped through yours, the city alive in that soft, late-night way.
the boys went off to another bar, heading in the opposite direction. you didn’t look back. but he did.
you asked taylor for one of her thc gummies, if you were going to survive this night. that meant being high off your ass.
she laughed, already a little gone herself, and dropped one into your palm without asking questions. “just half,” she warned, but you popped the whole thing in without thinking.
everything felt too loud and too soft all at once. the music, the lights, the people. it all blurred at the edges. your thoughts slowed down, stretched out, and you let them. for once, you didn’t want to overthink.
you didn’t want to feel anything that had to do with him. but even then, in the thick of it, he lingered. in the back of your mind. in the space behind your ribs. in the way he said your name.
you walked over to the dance floor, “we can’t be friends” by ariana grande playing through the speakers. the lights were low, the bass steady in your chest. the dance floor was semi-packed, bodies swaying, drinks in hand, and for the first time in a long time, you let go. freely. like nothing mattered.
denise had come to the bar with you all, before she suddenly dipped. right after taylor told her to just get with steven already. you knew why she left. deep down, taylor loved your brother, even if she tried to play it cool. you could see it in the way she looked at him when she thought no one else noticed.
and in that moment, as you danced under neon lights, it hit you. you were no different. because maybe, just maybe, you’d been hiding how much you loved conrad too.
flashbacks played in your head, quick and sharp between the beats of the music. your breath shortened as you danced, the rhythm suddenly feeling too fast, too much. in frustration, you pulled your hair away from your face, trying to steady yourself. trying to stay here.
but then came the memories, like whiplash you didn’t see coming.
the first time you kissed, both of you laughing too hard to be smooth about it. salty air clung to your skin, and he tasted like something warm and familiar.
running on the beach while it rained, clothes soaked, his hand never letting go of yours. you both looked ridiculous, but it felt perfect.
the first time you had sex. nervous, slow, like neither of you wanted it to end. everything gentle. everything real.
the night he showed up late, breathless, with flowers in his hands and an apology in his eyes. you still remembered what kind. peonies. your favorite. he remembered, too.
you spun, your chest tightening. the lights blurred. your heart ached in that deep, buried place you always tried to ignore. maybe this was what heartbreak felt like when it didn’t look like crying on a bathroom floor or getting drunk until you didn’t feel anything.
you put your hand on your heart, reminding yourself to breathe. in. out. in. out. it was getting harder to stay grounded, the memories crashing over you faster than the music could drown them out.
you leaned in toward belly, muttering something about needing to go. you didn’t wait for a response, just turned and pushed through the crowd, head spinning, heart racing.
she followed. of course she did.
by the time you reached the bathroom, she was right behind you. she stepped in without a word, locking the door behind her.
you leaned over the sink, gripping the edge, eyes staring down at the drain like it could anchor you. your reflection in the mirror was flushed, wild-eyed, not quite you.
“hey,” belly said gently, her voice cutting through the haze. “what’s going on?”
you didn’t answer at first. just stared at the sink, trying to blink back the tears that had been threatening all night. then you nodded, barely.
“i thought i was over it, over him.” you whispered. “i really did.”
belly didn’t say anything. she just reached for your hand, held it in both of hers. you both sat in there until you felt okay to leave, your breath still fast but steady.
you hated yourself for feeling this way, you hated him for having this effect on you, you hated him for leaving. but you hated the way you didn’t hate him. not even a little bit. not even at all.
everyone went back to the house, and you told belly you were okay, just needed a walk. so you did exactly that. the sand beneath you felt heavy with each step, your boots dangling from one hand, the other gently holding the necklace conrad gave you.
the waves hit the shore louder now, the sound filling the quiet around you. your heart beat, a little faster, your thoughts all tangled up. you held the necklace tighter, letting it rest in your palm as you walked, the sand dragging at your steps.
up ahead, you spotted someone sitting on the lifeguard stand. even from a distance, you knew who it was. it was him.
you furrowed your brows, the name leaving your lips before you could stop it, carried by the shaky hand “conrad?” your voice was soft, uncertain, shaking. your hair blowing back as the breeze picked up.
he looked up at the sound of your voice, a small smile tugging at his lips. as you got closer, he reached out his hand toward you, the gesture quiet but familiar.
as you reached the base of the stand, you took his hand, letting him steady you as you climbed. each step was careful, your fingers tightening slightly around his.
as you finally made it to the top, you let go of his hand and gave a quiet, “thanks.”
he nodded, then glanced out at the water before looking back at you “sit down?” he asked, his voice low, almost hesitant.
you hesitated for a moment, then gave a small nod, lips pressed into a thin line as you sat beside him. the wood beneath you was cool, slightly rough. your eyes stayed on the water, watching the waves roll in and out, steady and constant.
he didn’t say anything right away. you could feel his gaze shift to you, watching closely, his eyes tracing the small movements of your hands as they twitched in your lap, like he was trying to read something unspoken.
you both spoke at the same time, then paused, a soft laugh breaking between you. the kind that came easy, even now.
he tilted his head, nodding for you to go first.
“how’s jere?” you asked, turning to look at him, your voice a little quieter now.
he nodded, turning his head just enough to look at you. “drunk,” he said, nose scrunching as he caught the lingering scent on his shirt.
“smelled it,” you laughed, the sound soft and easy between you.
you looked back out at the water. “and belly’s good. sleeping.”
you stood up slowly, then turned to face him “i should get going. lots of things to do tomorrow.”
the lie slipped out quickly, too easy. you weren’t tired. not even close. but you knew if you stayed, the words you didn’t want to say would come out. things like “i miss you.” and you just couldn’t let that happen. not tonight.
he stood up too, shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. your name came out soft and shaky, like he wasn’t sure if saying it was right. then he paused, eyes searching yours “stay. please.”
“conrad…” you started, your voice soft but heavy with everything you wanted to say. you took a small step closer, searching his eyes for something. hope, understanding, maybe an answer.
but before you could finish, he shook his head again, frustration flickering across his face. “you’re confusing me,” he said quietly, his voice raw and honest. “i don’t know what you want anymore.”
there was a pause between you, the weight of those words hanging in the air. you wanted to explain, to tell him how tangled everything felt inside you, how much you wanted to stay but were scared of what that meant.
instead, you just looked down at your hands, twisting the necklace in your fingers, unsure of how to make him understand without breaking everything even more.
you turned away, hurrying down the steps, each one feeling heavier than the last. the wood creaked beneath your feet, but you didn’t stop. you couldn’t. behind you, you heard him following, his footsteps quick, his voice catching up to you.
“wait, just listen, please,” he called out, his tone desperate, cracking at the edges.
but you kept walking, staring straight ahead, heart pounding. because if you turned around now, if you looked at him. really looked at him. you knew you might not leave at all.
“c’mon! this isn’t you.” he yelled, the words raw in his throat, his voice cracking like it couldn’t hold itself together. he looked desperate. hands twitching at his sides, fists half-formed, like he didn’t know what to do with them. he followed you anyway, stumbling through the sand, eyes locked on your back.
you spun around fast. too fast. your eyes were glassy, red, your chest rising and falling like you couldn’t catch your breath.
you were upset. no, you were crushed. because you’d loved him. for so long. you cried for him. every night, every morning, every moment that reminded you he wasn’t there. and after all that time, after all that breaking, you finally, finally rebuilt a life that didn’t need him in it.
and now he was here. again. like nothing happened. like you weren’t shattered once because of him.
“you don’t know me!” your voice cracked, rough and sharp. but still a piece of you, bigger than anything. that piece was lying. he knew you. really knew you. and you knew that.
“you don’t even know me anymore. so don’t—“ you stopped yourself. your hands were shaking. your throat burned.
you took a deep breath, tried to swallow everything you didn’t say “don’t say my name. don’t even talk to me.” your voice was quieter now.
you walked away. the sand shifted under your feet, uneven and heavy, but you didn’t stop. you couldn’t. tears spilled out before you could wipe them away, hot and fast, leaving cold streaks on your cheeks.
your breath hitched, caught somewhere between a sob and a gasp, like your chest didn’t know how to hold it all. your heart sank with every step. because you didn’t mean it.
the words had just come out. sharp, defensive, louder than anything. you didn’t want to push him away. not like that. but it’s what you knew to do.
and now he stood behind you, still, probably watching you disappear again. this time not because he left, but because you did.
and that broke something new inside you.
“fuck… i still love you!” he called out, his voice sharp, cutting through the night like a wave breaking hard on the shore.
your steps faltered, then slowed, the words hitting you before you were ready. you stood there for a second, the wind tugging at your hair, heart thudding in your chest.
then you turned around, fast. “what…” you breathed out, eyes wide, your voice barely above a whisper.
he stood frozen, chest rising and falling like he’d run a mile, like the words had knocked the wind out of him too. his eyes didn’t leave yours, raw and unguarded in a way you hadn’t seen in so long. in a way he kept from everyone. including you.
“i have never not loved you,” he said, voice steady but thick with emotion.
he paused, then lifted his hand, pointing to his chest. “you’ve always been here. right here.” his fingers pressed lightly against his heart, and for a moment, everything around you went quiet. no waves, no wind, just him… and the one thing you’ve always wanted.
you shook your head slowly, eyes stinging, the lump in your throat tightening.
“you don’t mean that,” you said, barely above a whisper. the words slipped out before you could stop them, fragile and cracking at the edges.
you paused, trying to steady your breath, trying to make sense of everything swirling inside you “you push me away,” you continued, voice breaking now, “and now here you are… why?”
you looked at him, searching his face for something real, something that made it make sense. because you didn’t understand how someone who let you go so easily could say they never stopped loving you.
“i don’t know,” he said, voice low and shaking. he took a small step closer, like even being a few feet away from you was too far. “being here with you again… feeling like i had something with you again…”
he paused, eyes locked on yours, his breath catching as the emotion pushed up in his throat.
“if it’s in my head, just tell me,” he added, softer now his eyes shimmered under the moonlight, brimming with tears that spilled out. he looked at you like he was waiting for something that could be the breathe he’s been holding or something that broke everything he worked for.
“it’s not.” you said, eyes avoiding his, gaze drifting out toward the water. the waves were slow tonight, almost lazy, brushing the shore like they had nowhere else to be. you licked your lips, tasting salt and hesitation.
“i’ve been thinking about you.” your voice barely rose above the sound of the ocean. your hands were buried in your leather jacket, fingers twitching like they wanted something to hold onto. your chest heaving up and down.
“and i guess. i’m just… scared.” you laughed under your breath, short, breathless. you were still angry, hurt. but you softened.
you paused. the wind caught your hair, pulled it across your face, but you didn’t move to fix it. you just stood there, heart thudding loud in your chest, staring at the dark edge of the horizon like it might give you an answer. then, softer, almost to yourself:
he stood there, taking it in. before grabbing your hand, holding it like it meant something. tight, warm, fingers lacing through yours like they belonged there. he stepped closer, just enough that you could feel the heat of him, the quiet tremble in the space between.
his other hand reached up, careful, like he was afraid you’d pull away. he tucked your hair behind your ear, slow and gentle, fingertips brushing your cheek a little longer than they needed to.
his eyes searched yours, soft and steady. “can i kiss you?” he asked, barely louder than the waves. like the question had weight. like he meant every word.
you nodded, muttering a small “yes.” your breath hitched. it was real. you kept reminding yourself that this wasn’t a dream. but it was enough. enough to make the air shift, to pull him closer.
he leaned in slowly, like giving you time to change your mind, like every inch was a question he was still afraid to ask. his breath brushed your lips first. warm, uncertain. and then he kissed you.
it wasn’t rushed. it wasn’t perfect. it was soft, and a little shaky, and it felt like something breaking open and settling at the same time. his hand stayed in yours, holding tight. like if he let go, the moment might disappear.
you thought you passed out. not really. but something in you flickered out for a second. like the world tilted just slightly, softened around the edges. the kiss felt like walking back into a childhood home. that quiet, aching kind of comfort. familiar in a way that made your chest hurt.
your fingers moved without thinking, slipping up into his hair, finding the nape of his neck. you pulled him closer, like maybe you could press the space between you out of existence.
he exhaled against your lips, like he’d been holding his breath this whole time. his other hand found your waist, hesitant, grounding. the ocean kept whispering behind you, but it felt far away now. like the only thing real was him, and the way he kissed you like he didn’t know how to stop.
this was love. your love. and you knew. that this time you weren’t letting go
