I just wish that I could fade, just fade away into a dream. This isn't a depressed feeling, it's a welcoming thought because, everything feels wrong. Terribly wrong. Everything is neutral, I laugh and have fun, I carry out daily tasks but it doesn't feel like me, it's like i'm just watching it all happen, like i'm there but i'm not. Everything feels skewed like this isn't where I am supposed to be, everything is unfamiliar even though I have spent my entire life around it. I feel homesick even when I am at home. I want to fade,
just...
fade...
away...
Because dream is so much better, so much more free than reality. A dream isn't just a place though it's also a feeling [a coma sound like just about the most wonderful thing right now.] and a dream makes your spirit soar, even if you cannot remember it, the feeling is still there, that wonderful feeling, like you are on top of the world...and then it's gone you are ripped away from it be aching consciousnesses. At least that is what it's like for me for now, being sorrowed by consciousness, feeling constantly in flux and out of place. I want so badly to just let myself fade...
But I will wait because I know it will all be worth it someday. I will be able to do all the things I dreamed, well, most of the things I dreamed. I will figure it out and it will make all the waiting worth it, it will make the caged feeling worth it, all the nothingness worth it! I just have to be patient. Until then I just have to B R E A T H E.