#conspiracy steve

[80yrscap]

just heard someone say that “how does it feel / like it’s someone else’s / it isn’t” implies that old man steve stole that shield from another sam wilson in an alternate timeline and 🤣🤣🤣 can you imagine

[imposterogers]

natasha romanoff, at wits end: please for the love of god take the moon landing off of your to-do list

steve rogers: i can’t. not until i’m 100% certain it happened

sam wilson: we’ve sent you links. we’ve showed you the lunar laser ranging experiment. we’ve brought you to the air and space museum. what more do you want? 

steve, softly: i want to see it :(

[mbrainspaz]

'manager' conspiracy steve: so you know our one lying coworker who lies?

me: [Annoying girl]? Yeah.

'manager' conspiracy steve: Well she said she saw a this one guy beating a horse, and she reported it to the horse's owner.

me: Oh dang.

'manager' conspiracy steve: And the owner came and talked to me for 30 minutes and I didn't know what to say.

me: Why not confront the horse beating suspect?

'manager' conspiracy steve: but it doesn't add up because that guy is known for his tender disposition.

me: Ah, so you suspect the girl who lies of lying.

'manager' conspiracy steve: Perhaps... but I'm afraid of confrontation.

me: *trying so hard not to let the insane grin out* Oh. You don't say.

[mbrainspaz]

me: yeah that horse was inside because our lovely neighbor was firing his assault rifle all afternoon, scaring the horses and our clients.

libertarian coworker: This is why we should legalize suppressors for all firearms.

me: ....

libertarian coworker: though I would suspect you have a different takeaway ;)

me: I just wish I could leave.

[mbrainspaz]

The wildest thing the ‘Conspiracy Steve’ at my job does is that anytime you try to discuss anything scientific he jumps in with a weird aside. Like the other day I was telling him about different snakes I’d found and he was like “actually it’s really suspicious how the whole classification system works.” I’m sorry? The classification of snakes? “Yeah because they always have different patterns and some of them look so similar. I think they all interbreed.” And… what… the truth is being hidden from us by Big Snake? Does believing that make you feel better??? Or the time we were explaining Laminitis (a horse medical condition) to a customer and Steve has to chime in with, “‘it doesn’t make much sense if you think about it. Laminitis can mean so many different things. Nobody actually knows what it is.” So naturally we’re like ‘no, Steve, veterinary medicine has actually figured out exactly what it is and how it happens.’ One girl goes, ‘actually I’ve seen several horses die of it and here’s what happens in graphic detail.’ And he kind of leans on his back foot and shakes his head, mumbling something about how suspicious it is.

Fascinating. Honestly I am studying him like a bug.

[mbrainspaz]

Newest take from conspiracy Steve: can’t trust probiotics because they’re artificially grown and who knows—what if it’s all a ruse and the companies are using them to control you, you know? I’ve got my own probiotics.

Me, who just had food poisoning: must be nice.

[mbrainspaz]

I'm out working in the fields alone. My coworker, the freaking manager, is late as usual. Earlier me and the part timer made a bet on how late he'd be. She won with 90 minutes. My bet was 70 because I'm an optimistic fool.

Back to the present. In the distance I see some weirdly dressed-up people walk up to the barn and think, aw no, could be that rich lady who was supposed to come tour the barn yesterday and flaked. Oh well. I'm busy now. Besides, some other boarders were there to keep an eye on them and no horses were in, so how much trouble could they be?

2 minutes later I get a frantic whispered call from the boarder. It sounds like she's hiding in a closet. She's like, "you need to get up here, this weird lady is snooping!" (Rich people hate snooping unless they're doing it.)

So I grumble tasmanian devil curses under my breath and drive up to the barn. Sure enough there's the Lady and her whole entourage. She was nice enough and I did the glassy eyed corporate customer service bit after shaking most of their hands. Not sure why she wanted to bring 5 out-of-state friends along to ask how we disposed of manure.

Things wrap up and she leaves with her entourage without further snooping. About 20 minutes later the manager finally shows. I tell him off for making me loose a bet.

[mbrainspaz]

Jeeze I was awakened at 4:50 AM by what sounded like someone bulldozing the barn or two trucks that were madly in love but it was just the trash company wrestling with the dumpster because conspiracy steve jammed a bunch of branches in there the other day. They slung that thing around for half an hour before they either got it or gave up. 😵‍💫 I went out to stand on the porch and glare at them for a bit towards the end.

The joys of living at work.