Hey there. I run multiple blogs and each all mean a lot to me. Almost all of them are group blogs and require a lot of work. One of the blogs is super popular and all the mods on it mean a ton to me, but the way they respond makes me feel like an outsider. I have trauma with being ignored and the way they talk it makes it seem like they are doing so. I can't say anything cause I don't want to be a bother but it's all really damaging my self esteem and possibly my social life. - Dio
I know it can be hard to talk to people, especially if you'reworried about the way they might respond! However, I think it wouldbe best if you could figure out a way to talk to them about howyou're feeling.
There are several conversation techniques you can use to bring uptopics that are difficult, or that you fear may be received badly.One my therapist often used with me was called DEARMAN. It was anacronym that stood for the different aspects of the technique.
Try to stick to the facts and not passjudgment on what's going on. For instance, if your partner keepscutting you off when you try to speak up, you would say “Many timeswhen I try to add to a conversation, you will cut me off, making itdifficult for me to contribute.” You would not say anything like“and you are terrible because of it”, because that would bepassing judgment.
Express your feelings about the situation
After you've described what's going on,make sure you explain how it's affecting you and how you feel aboutit. Using the example above, “When you cut me off, it makes me feellike you don't care about what I have to say. I feel ignored anddisrespected.”
Once you've expressed how you feel, nowit's time to assert what you need. “I need you to pay moreattention to our conversations and give me an opportunity tocontribute.” You are allowed to say no and clearly state what yourboundaries are.
Reinforce what you've expressed
People will usually respond well whenthey can see what will happen if they do what you've asked. In thisexample, “I'll feel more like you value what I have to say, andwill be less likely to get angry if you give me time to contribute tothe conversation.”
TheMAN part describes the behaviors you need to keep in mind while youare talking about this issue.
Rememberwhat you're trying to get out of this situation. Stick by yourposition, and don't get distracted by tangents or other topics. Sometechniques that can help you stay mindful are acting like a brokenrecord, or ignoring negative responses. The broken record concept isthat you keep asking for what you need until the other person hearswhat you have to say. Make sure your voice stays mellow, and rememberthat your strength comes from sticking by your position. If the otherperson responds in a negative way, just ignore it. If you respond tothat negativity, you are allowing them to take control of thesituation.
Thisone is harder said than done, but if you can appear confident in atough situation, then people are less likely to question where you'recoming from. You can establish this by using a confident tone ofvoice, and holding yourself upright (even if you're having thisconversation via text, using confident body language can help trickyou into feeling more confident).
Unlessyou have a very specific course in mind, be open to hearing otheralternatives. Offering a solution, and then asking for alternativesolutions will show the other admins that you're willing to work withthem on this difficult problem. It shows them that you have a problemthat needs addressing, but you're willing to hear alternativesolutions.
Using this tactic can take a lot of work, so it can help you topractice this ahead of time. If you have someone else you're willingto talk to about it, ask them if they'd be willing to roleplay withyou. Have them pretend to be some of the admins from the blog, andtalk to them as if you were talking to the admins. Practicing havingthis conversation can make it easier to follow through with once thetime comes to do so.
Good luck, and know that we're here to help with whatever we can!
“What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.”
