#conversationz

[ipreferlush]

Barbarian: Is there anything left of the ice witch? Like a head or something that I can go taunt her followers with.

DM: No, she dissolved into a pile of snow.

Barbarian: I make a snowball. I even drew a little face at it. Can I throw it at them?

DM: Sure.

Barbarian: Do you need me to roll?

DM: I think you’re capable of throwing a snowball at a group of unarmed women.

Barbarian: I throw the snowball.

DM: The snowball explodes in their faces, dealing no physical damage.

Barbarian: [proudly] Only emotional damage.

[jezebel-de-jour]

Me, after absolutely soaking my partner: You’re all wet.

My partner: Excuse you? I’M all wet?

[ipreferlush]

Encouraging everyday things to say after sex:

Nice work.

Well played.

Good game.

That was fun, we should do it again sometime.

10/10 would ride that ride again.

[ipreferlush]

Server: So are you all friends? Family?

Chevie: These three are sisters.

Server: And who’s this?

Sister: This is my boyfriend.

Server: And this?

Other Sister: This is my husband.

Server: looks at me

Me: I’m going to die a spinster.

[ipreferlush]

Me: I should donate my body to science.

PA: You should, you’re a medical marvel.

Me, staring at my MRI while flashing back on my increasingly weird medical history and amiably nodding my head: I’m a medical marvel…

[ipreferlush]

[ipreferlush]

Conversation between our bard and our paladin after the battle was over

Bard: Why didn’t you use your divine smite?

Paladin: I didn’t think we needed it.

Everyone: looks around at the dead dwarves (including one of our own party) strewn across the map

Bard: Uh huh....

[ipreferlush]

My personal trainer, after cuing a new exercise: How did that feel?

Me: Not to make things awkward, but my boobs were really in the way on that one.