Apr 12
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Germany
seen from Yemen
seen from Türkiye
seen from Japan
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Finland
seen from South Korea
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from Costa Rica
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
Thank you
In a mood
CW: nudity
Top surgery
TW: unreality, suicide mention
Your not my mom. And you never really were
I really wanted you to be. But you can't be
I've neglected the life I really have. Even now. When I don't even speak to you anymore. I still act as if I have an option to opt out of my real life
I've been messing up a lot. Because I expect there to be something else.
I haven't really been the kindest. I didn't come to the conclusion fully on my own.
My dad was talking to me. And the reason I don't say a lot of the good things that happen to me is because I feel like no one will trust me.
A lot of the time, I reject my parents love. I used to do it because I felt undeserving of it.
Now its different
I just don't feel like it should be happening. I feel like it says something bad about me. That if I ever felt like running away or killing myself I was exaggerating.
And then that says something bad about Cookie too. So a lot of the time I try not to let it happen.
During Christmas time, I tried to be the best I could because I'm afraid that the love could end. There a possibility that things could change too main for me. If I truly be myself the way I feel like being things could.turn out really bad.
But its starting to cause similar issues again
I am so ungrateful
Its awful. I often let it all pass me by to I don't have to feel sad about what the future might be like. I discount the good things so that I might not miss it as much later.
I long for Mama, even though I will never have her. And she isn't mine. I will never really be a part of that family.
And I think it means I have to leave that life even more. Otherwise I will miss out on everything that I was trying to recive again in the 1st place
I'm pretty dissapointed in myself.
I reject just about everything that could my life better. Even though I've been trying to do the opposite
I keep wanting to ask myself, "what's wrong with me?", even though I feel like I do know.
I really want a life I can't have. And I don't really appreciate my real life anymore.
It feels unimportant at times, because I know it can dissapear
That's only making things worse.
Cookie 12 and Alama sharing a burger again
Thank you, Cookie
Vent: CW: unreality
sometimes I feel like Cookie 12 is real and I'm the fake.