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Gastrology: Aries Season

So, here’s the thing.

The last post I made featured pizza, which is a recipe that was taught to me by an aries woman. Since I can’t do the same recipe twice, I’ll do the closest thing there is: pasta. Both involve love and affection. Both also require great amounts of rage.

So prick your cute little ears out, because I’m about to teach you how to make fresh egg pasta.

To recall that one time you made carbonara for your aries ex-boyfriend and he told you it was too spicy because you’d put black pepper in it, you’re gonna need:

Eggs - as many as the number of people you’re gonna feed

Flour – 100g for each egg

Pour your flour on your table and make a cute lil hole at the top, so that it kind of looks like a volcano. Break the eggs in it and begin working the dough until it’s nice and bouncy. Be AGGRESSIVE. In the aries spirit.

Let it rest for 30 minutes to an hour. As you do, think about that one time your aries friend slapped the living daylights out of a girl because he thought she was a friend of his. She wasn’t. Realise that you still don’t understand why he would slap her in the first place. Come to the conclusion that aries just be like that sometimes.

Once your dough is well rested – and you are too! Remember to sleep well and drink lots of water – roll it as thin as you possibly can, then even thinner. You do NOT want chunky pasta. Cut it in whatever shape you want. I recommend either butterflies or diamonds for beginners. Cook it for two minutes tops; fresh pasta cooks extremely quickly. Serve however you like. Inhale the whole thing in 3.4 minutes.

Cryssy Teigen

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Gastrology: Gemini – Chicken quesadillas with apologies to Latin America

Before we start, here are some resources regarding the Black Lives Matter movement and what you can do. Here’s our post with some more.

Hello my dears,

I know it’s hard to go on and I know it’s extremely easy to feel helpless. I’ve been struggling quite a bit myself. Let me try to keep you company a while. Please keep in mind that I’m typing this as I sit in bed munching on hot chips dipped in cheese sauce, so results may vary.

I’m gonna show you how I make my favourite Depression Meal, as it could not be any more fitting to these times. It also dawned on me that it’s a perfect gemini recipe – versatile, sharable and fairly simple.

I would also like to apologise in advance for the way I will be undoubtedly butchering this recipe. I’m aware it’s a very special dish to many and this is, of course, just my sad college student take on it.

To perform an unforgivable act, you will need:

Tortillas

Chicken breast

Cheese (I used mozzarella because I’m, you know, *imitates a grandmother trying to secretly pass a 20 euro bill to her grandchild* Italian)

Salt and spices (I used paprika and ground chili pepper)

Ok so between one identity crisis and the other you’re going to cut your chicken breast into bite-sized strips and cook them in a pan, seasoned with salt, paprika and chili. Make sure to save the little juice, that’s the best freakin’ part. As you reminisce about how fucking dope it was to live in the centre of Rome and just be able to go see whatever monument when you had a 15-minute break between classes, heat your tortilla in a pan and place the chicken and cheese in it. Gently fold the tortilla and let it sit for a few seconds before you place it in a plate and slice it.

That’s it. That’s literally it. I used to make this for lunch when I lived in The Big City and didn’t have much time to cook or eat. This and popcorn – I once ate nothing but popcorn for three days in a row - but that’s not much of a recipe, is it.