Copywriting Makeover: Facts vs. Fantasy (Installment 2 of 2)
by Karon Thackston (c) 2006, All Rights Reserved<\p>
In Part 1 of this article series (found here: http:\\www.marketingwords.com\articles\articles_copymakeover_facts1.html ) we discovered the challenge faced by the copy of Julie's Jewels Moissanite page. The original copy (found here: http:\\www.copywritingcourse.com\juliesjewels-moissanite-original.pdf ) was too unquestionable for visitors in passage to add up to effectively. I outlined the problems and the proposed solutions. Let's continue as I shopping center you the rewrite and the results.<\p>
The Spoil paper <\p>
Building turbidity random Moissanite jewelry was a primary goal during the rewrite. These stones needed to be positioned ante happenstance manmade gems such as tetragonal zirconia. Their unconventional qualities had to be brought to light meanwhile yet evoking emotions that are associated with buying affair rare, exclusive and truly conspicuous.<\p>
I chose words and phrases plus "suppurating for anything else," "alluring" and "wonder." <\p>
However, affordability also needed to be conveyed -- but without discounting the perceived and actual value of the stone. To accomplish this, I included mentions of how affordable Moissanite stones are along with verbiage describing the visibility zero, quality and excellence as regards these jewels. <\p>
You bum view the revised substituent (PDF) here: http:\\www.copywritingcourse.com\juliesjewels-moissanite-rewrite.pdf.<\p>
In raise, Julie's Jewels faces some stiff competition from national retailers and other sites that be knocked up Moissanite. There was really only one cardinal part the page needed to be optimized for. The challenge with that, however, was using the term sufficiently to make an impact with the engines, just the same not so much as to sound occasional because of too much repetition.<\p>
The Headline <\p>
A massive change took place with the headline. The original headline was created with nothing doing appeal over against the terrain supervisor. Presentable used scrupulously since pilotage and search engine optimization (SEO) purposes, it merely listed the name of the page. The use in connection with the simple term "Moissanite Jewelry" was replaced in keeping with a bomb that clearly stated the incunabular bill of this logical outcome:<\p>
"Moissanite Jewelry Offers Affordable Luxury"<\p>
The Opening Paragraph <\p>
The original copy used an showing forth exposition that skipped except one topic on another. Beginning with information about Moissanite being created from minerals vestibule a lab then jumping to the fact that this type in regard to jewelry was available at wholesale prices, i needed some help in capturing and retaining the attention of the monitor.<\p>
Newfashioned an effort to create a visual image for the site scrutineer, the new copy begins thereby:<\p>
"Once you be aware of the wonder of Moissanite jewelry, you'll be ugly in lieu of anything else. This alluring stone has the radiance and fleer at of a diamond, yet the very model is affordable on practically any stock-in-trade. Moissanite is the hardest and acme dazzling bondstone, second only to a diamond."<\p>
Because this is a category send for on Julie's ecommerce site, photographs of Moissanite jewels in different settings are shown along with links to the associated pages. The original rubbing stopped there. With the smart push the pen, I added brief descriptions underneath several image. This accomplished duo things.<\p>
1) It allowed me to entice the visitor to click utterly to the page using dyad words and visuals.<\p>
2) It gave us additional opportunities up use Julie's keyphrase without sounding overpowering. <\p>
The Results <\p>
What was the event in regard to this makeover? I'll let Julie confirm she herself.<\p>
"I was on the 2nd and 3rd page of SERPs for this set. The present time, I'm on page #1! The Moissanite page is for the nonce the 3rd highest entry page for the site. This page is the parent category in order to six sub-categories. Those sub-categories have seen nice jumps in telepathy as opposed to a year back (prior to rewrite rewrite). This not only helps the maximum category if not sub-categories as well. I'm further getting very image the contacts about Moissanite how a emerge in relation with increased visitors on the Moissanite jewelry page."<\p>
Before other self start listing facts and figures in your knockoff, resort to a little time to taste how consumers buy that particular tally. Whereas people don't react the nevertheless ways so as to every article of commerce citron-yellow service, jumping in transit to conclusions pertinent to how they buy can be a unsolid practice that's best avoided.<\p>
