I need advice on how to help my brother. For context both me and him went through extreme trauma growing up.
So a year or two ago I got medically recognized as having BPD. Because of this I started researching Cluster B personality disorders, and I kind of noticed how similar ASPD is to my brother, he was even diagnosed with Conduct Disorder around 10-13. I want to push him to seek help since it's very clearly affecting his life. Something I and our grandma (she's the only one who really believes what happened to us)
I'm trying to not go into detail because I don't want some random person to think he's a evil person. He's not. He just needs help. I have brought up the possibility with him, and he agrees with me, but how could I go about pushing him towards it? I know a lot of his behavior is due to trauma, and it gets worse and more self destructive. My family has basically accepting he will die if he doesn't change.
I don't think anything wrong with him, I just want to help him get help and I'm kind of desperate because of the condition he is in.
honestly, the best thing I can tell you is not to push him too hard because it can also backfire very easily and cause him to never want to seek help at all (you know how when people tell you to do a thing and it makes you wanna NOT do the thing out of spite almost (not really spite, usually, but something called demand avoidance)? yeah. can happen with that very quickly, too)
what you can do is be more adamant about it, while staying gentle (as in, not forcing him or making him feel a certain way with the way you may express yourself).
depending on what drives your brother, maybe tell him how you feel watching him destroy himself like this and wanting for him to get better, to have a real chance at life that was first taken from him with the trauma. that he still has a chance if he takes it and puts in the effort for it.
often times, it's needed to hear that there's still a chance at a life. an actual life. not just survival mode since what happened.
but also listen to what he has to say about it. I often find that listening to how people perceive their own situation gives you a better idea about how to help them better and push them in the right direction.
and remember that if somebody doesn't want help or believes they're far beyond help and feel completely hopeless about themselves, it's very hard to even get started, let alone for said help to do what it should. your brother needs to have the motivation to put in the work, too. if he only gets help eventually to make you happy or get you off his case, it won't really do anything.
I do think that the fact that he even acknowledges that ASPD might be what he has is a good thing, same with that he accepts the idea of needing help. it shows a willingness to understand why he's that way, what's happening to him, and how to look for help. it's always a good first step in the right direction.
and if he proves to be more open to seeking help: something I do a lot for the people around me, who struggle with taking those steps, is searching for suitable therapists/psychatrists for them, bookmarking them, and so on.
of course your brother would still have to actually contact them, but you can offer to help him do it. offer to make the call; even though he needs to talk. sometimes it's the aspect of even dialling the number and pushing the button that is the hardest to do. offer to help him write an email to them if they accept email introductions for first-time patients. just... offer to be there for him if you are able to do it. it can go a long way.
I'm really sorry to hear about both of your situations and how worried you're about your brother and that you're desperate to find help for him and push him into it. it's a stressful situation to be in and you have my deepest sympathy. I wish you both the best, and I really hope you'll be able to get your brother to seek the help he needs and deserves.
he's definitely not evil and he's not beyond saving or hope. he has a chance at life. he's not doomed. neither are you. and I really hope things will start looking up for the both of you with time. <3
