thinking about how lowkey toxic a relationship with corpse would be....
warning, this is very angsty. to the point where i lowkey shed a tear writing this. and that doesnt usually happen lol.
gn!reader (as far as im aware) and sorry for the typos if there are any... 😁
anyway, enjoy! or dont :) m.list
it would prolly just start with you two hanging out. going over to his apartment, maybe hooking up once in a blue moon. but you two mainly cuddling and spending the days together in the dark rooms of his apartment.
he would try to hide from you how much pain he was in when you were around. but it wasnt hard to miss how he would wince at tiny movements and never be able to rest with you in his arms.
and when it got really bad, he hated how you helped him get around with no questions. how you so simply wanted to help him out because you cared. how you would even help him shower, bring in his groceries, cook for him, feed him if you had to.
he hated it because you cared more than anyone had before and you werent even dating. he wished you would just give up on him because it was too much. he wished you would just finally tell him 'hey... we need to talk' because maybe then it would be easier to hate you. but the truth is, he could never hate you. not anymore.
"so... you dont want to be in a relationship?" you asked quietly, confused more than anything. you look at his scarred face and messy head of dark curls. "...why?"
he sighed, "because this is too much," you scoffed, only more confused than before.
"what is?" you looked at him like he was crazy.
"...you," he said lowly, his voice resonating deep in his chest as he ran a hand over his face. you felt your heart pang as you diverted your eyes from him. you pursed your lips and your breathing got heavier. "well- not you- just-... this isnt worth the trouble im putting you through. that i will put you through."
"thats not for you to decide," you tell him, shaking your head at him. "I can choose when to call it quits and so far, im still fucking here."
you couldnt help but be offended. who wouldnt be after the person you care about is pushing you away. as far as you know, its unfair and incredibly ignorant.
"yea but how long until youre not?" he asked back angrily. "how long until you realize you can be doing so much more than taking care of me?"
"i dont want to be doing more! i want to be with you!" you tell him incredulously. he sighs and wets his lips, shaking his head at you. "do you just not want to be with me?"
he looks at you as if you had just said the earth was flat, "of course i do."
"so then why cant we?" you ask in complete exasperation. "what the fuck is the problem?"
"youre too fucking good for me!" he yelled back stepping closer to you. he threw his arms up in defeat, "is that what you want me to tell you? cause its fucking true. and i love you too much to let you rot away beside me."
your expression softens as your eyes dart back and forth between his eyes. in that moment you were speechless. and not because he had told you that he loved you, no you already knew that from his actions. it was the way he had said it. with more emotion than you could have expected from him.
"what if i wanted to 'rot away beside you'?" you asked him quietly.
"then you'd be an idiot," he says simply. "because we both know you have better shit to do. and better people to do that for."
you inhale deeply and release it as another exasperated sigh, "i love you," you say, emphasizing every word. "and its up to me whether or not i stay with you."
"and its up to me whether or not i want you here," he says crossing his arms. you feel you heart pang again, causing painful tingles to run down your arms and settle deep in your palms. "you need to run while you can. fucking get out of here before this gets more fucked up and shitty." you watched as he pointed between you two.
you step closer to him, "what are you so afraid of?" you plead to him with your eyes. just for this moment, for him to open up to you like how he had done hundreds of times before. "are you that scared I'll leave you cause you're what? 'too much'?"
he looked you in the eye, hesitating to speak for a moment. "i-..." he takes a deep breath. "yeah..."
you step closer, "youre not. not now. and it will only get easier." he starts shaking his head, backing away from you. "yes, it will! and if it ever gets to that point-"
"when it gets to that point," he tried correcting.
"no, if. because everything is an if," you say angrily. "you have no clue what its gonna be like. no fucking clue! so let us have this. while it lasts."
he sighs for what seems like the hundredth time that night, "i cant risk that."
"risk what? heartbreak? as if neither of us have gone through that before hundreds of times," you scoff.
"yeah, but ive never been heartbroken over someone like you."
"so then we hope that doesnt happen," you're trying. you're trying so hard to hold onto him. but your grasp is slipping. and he's trying to shake you loose.
"i cant take my chances," he shakes his head. "not this time."
"jesus fucking chirst!" you yell, tears welling up in your eyes. "let me love you! let me be with you! let me take care of you!"
"i cant let you do that! dont you fucking get it?!" he asks stepping closer to you until hes not even a foot away. "i dont want to see you leave! i cant have you around, cause when you do leave, i dont know what I'll do to myself!"
you stare into his eyes as your own vision starts to get blurry from unshed tears. you sniffle, keeping you gaze strongly on him. and you try one final time.
"so dont let me leave now, please," your voice comes out like a whisper. he swallows harshly and closes his eyes to stop his own tears from forming. "i dont want to move on from you when we havent even given it a chance."
"you'll have to," his voice matches yours. he opens his eyes and a tear falls as he looks at you. "fucking find someone who can actually hold you at night. who can make you dinner, who can give you a shower when you cant, who can actually fuck you when you want."
you tried to scoff, but it came out more like a sob, "i dont need that. i need you," your voice weak from the burn in the back of your throat. unshed tears welling up more.
"no you dont," he says, stepping closer. then leaning his forehead on yours. he closes his eyes, "please, go. for me."
your body racks out a sob, gasping for air to get out your next sentence. "if i leave, im just gonna wait for you."
he shakes his head against you, "no. no you wont."
"I'll wait until you realize you do deserve proper love." he continues to shake his head, pretending as if your words arent punching him right in the heart. "ill wait even if it takes you twenty fucking years."
"do you really think I'll survive twenty more years?" he asks with a laugh. you giggle back sadly, pursing your lips at the posibility of him dying. "do you really think I'll find my self-worth that soon?"
"I'll wait as long as i need to."
and you leave. with such a heavy heart but not without more tears than you could have imagined. and you try to move on. not easily but you put in an effort.
he writes songs with lyrics dedicated to you. written for you. whether its in a song about how he only want you at his side or how he has one person he will always be loyal to or about how his exes tried to chance him but one was different. you listen to it and somehow know its you.
you try to find a new partner to fill that void. but he will always be in your mind. as the right person but at the wrong time. the one that got away, if you will.
i like how angsty this was. anywayy, hope you enjoyed 😁😁 -nony
Summary: You and Corpse get into a nasty fight, which ends in broken hearts.
Pairing: Corpse x Fem!reader
Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Fluff
Authors Note: cried, laughed and cried again during this lmao. i just wanna give him a hug 🥺
requests are open!! <3
You groaned loudly, you and Corpse were in a heated fight, his symptoms started to flare, but he didn’t care, and neither did you.
You groaned loudly, your frustration bubbling, “Babe! I don’t care that you don’t wanna take pictures with me, I don’t fucking care that we can’t go outside, I don’t fucking care if I can’t show you off, because I love you.”
“Y/N YOU’RE NOT GETTING IT,” Corpse sighs, “Every fucking day I feel like I’m a burden to you. I feel like you can do so much better than me. BECAUSE YOU CAN. I FEEL LIKE I’M A FUCKING BURDEN.”
“I DON’T WANT BETTER THAN YOU. THERE IS NO BETTER THAN YOU AND YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN.” Pools of clear, salty water filled your eyes.
Corpse groaned, matching your frustration, “I’m just worried that I can’t give you the life you want, and I want you to have better. No, fuck that I need you to have better.”
“What does that mean for us then. I want you and you want me to have better than you.”
“I STILL WANT YOU Y/N, but I can’t fucking live with the fact that I couldn’t give you want you need. That I never can.”
You were in shock and you knew what was coming for the two of you, you just didn’t want to believe it at all and it was so fucked up and terrible and you knew you wouldn’t be able to live without this man. Your anxiety wouldn’t be able to handle that you weren’t with him anymore. Your breath became heavy, as you felt a weight on your heart. Your stomach shrunk and you felt so constricted by yourself. You shook your head at him, from the opposite side of the bed as both of you were on either side.
“We’re over, we’re done. Live a better life without me in it, y/n. As long as you’re happy, I won’t regret it.” Tears ran down the boy’s skin.
You weren’t angry anymore, you were anxious, you were in sobs, “Fine,” Corpse face fell when the word came out of your mouth.
You turned around and opened the closet that held the both of your clothes. Taking off Corpe’s sweater that you were currently wearing, throwing it at him, taking all your clothes out of the closet, opening a duffle bag shoving everything inside of it. Putting on another shirt to cover up the bra that covered your chest. You couldn’t believe he would end things with you. After all you guys have been through.
You convinced him to move out to L.A. when most of your friends had made the same exact transition. You got him to open up to you without even trying in the first two weeks of knowing him. You were the first person he showed his face before he showed the rest of your friends. He said I love you first and was okay with it when you were hesitant about saying it back, even though you said it three days later without even knowing you had. You were both sat in bed and he said “You said it back.” “Said what back?” “I love you. You said it, this morning when you hung up the phone.”.
After throwing the duffle bag over your shoulder, you looked at him once more, “I’ll be back tomorrow to get the rest of my things, my PC, my set up, all of it. You can keep the TV, you can keep everything else, I just need my set up.”
“Done. See you tomorrow.” Corpse sighed, taking a seat on what had been a shared bed, was now his. He couldn’t believe he was sleeping in the king bed the two of you had bought because you were one of the biggest bed hog’s he had ever met. You walked out and he looked down at the f/c coloured bed sheets you had convinced him to let you put on, even though he preferred the black ones, but you let him have the wall behind the two of you black and helped him painted the room. As well as painting the walls of his gaming room black too.
You got into your little Honda Civic, as you drove for around 15 minutes finally reaching Rae’s house. You told yourself you wouldn’t break down in front of her, but you knew that you would. You got out of your car, and closed the door as you walked up to Rae’s front door. Knocking on it, she didn’t answer at first but you looked down at the clock on your phone, noticing that it was 12:00am. Although she might’ve been sleeping, she could’ve been streaming.
So you knocked again, and she opened the door, her bedroom room was lit up from what you could see, and she was streaming. She noticed the duffle bag and let you in, placing a finger to her lips telling you to whisper. Running back to her stream room.
“Well guys! I’m getting tired so, I’m gonna end it here, goodnight!” She said cheerily. Before shutting off her PC and ending the stream walking back out into her living room to see you sitting on the couch. You were in sobs.
“He ended it, Rae, he ended things with me and I can’t br-breath.” You said taking a deep breath as she sat down next to you pulling you close to her. “How am I supposed to go and get my things tomorrow, I can’t even think about him without crying and picturing his smile and hearing his laugh and crying. What hurts even worse is the fact that he didn’t even want to end it, he ended it because he said I could do better. When I can’t get better than him.”
“What makes him say that?” She asks.
“He thinks he’s holding me back. He thinks because he doesn’t show his face online, he doesn’t want to leave the house, he thinks he’s holding me back and he’s not because that’s not what people do when they love eachother, when people love eachother, they walk through life together. They experience things together. We loved eachother.”
“Y/n, it’s gonna be okay, you just need to talk to him, you both clearly still want to be together, so you just need to tell him what you told me - he’s loosing his mind if he’s letting you out of all the people go. So when you go pick up your things, talk to him.”
You nodded, “Yeah. You’re right. I’ll just talk to him.”
Well, talking to him was harder than you thought. You texted him five minutes before you got there to give him a heads up. You walked upto the front door the next morning, seeing a yellow post-it note on the front door.
Pick up your things, text me when you leave.
You sighed, calling Rae, “Rae, can you come help me get my stuff, Corpse isn’t here,,, he left.”
“On my way.” She sighs.
With the two of you getting your set up, it didn’t take long before it was dismantled and in both of your cars. Your pc, mic and monitor and your now broken desk chair in your car, and your desk in Raes.
Gone <3
Was what you texted Corpse after you left. You thought the little heart was cute, but you knew it wasn’t needed and so did you. You didn’t set your stuff up at Rae’s knowing it would only be temporary. You told your fans you were visiting your parents and wouldn’t be streaming for a little bit. Though they knew something was up, you hadn’t responded to any of Corpse’s tweets or hadn’t commented on the fact that he posted another hand pic, usually a cute remark like “that’s one sexy hand ^-^” or something like that would be in the comments.
Every night that week without him, you cried yourself to sleep, every night the next week, you did the same, and the week after that, you did it again. It had been almost a month since you guys had ended things and you still cried. You would keep crying. Corpse knew you were staying with Rae, and made sure to ask her if you were okay. Short answer, Rae told him every time: No.
It was raining one night, fit the mood, as you sat in bed on your laptop watching streams of him play, missing his laugh and his voice. You frequently went back to the stream where he couldn’t do admin swipe, because that was the hardest he had laughed on camera. The hardest he had ever laughed was when you two had fallen off of the bed, when you had surprised him with a kiss. A heavy thump echoed through the house as the both of you fell into a fit of laughter, you had calmed down, but he was still going - couldn’t look at you without bursting into a laughing fit - he tried to stop the laughter, because it was making his stomach hurt like 30,000 knifes, but he couldn’t. That admin swipe didn’t even come close. But it was close enough for you as you cried watching them. You opened your camera roll to which you found lots of photos of him. You cried.
You got up out of Rae’s guest bed. She was streaming so you just shot her a text careful not to give your location away. She shot you a simple text back as you left the house in your little black honda civic, you looked at the little plastic bag he had set up for your gum wrappers and used gum.
Tears ran down your face as the rain followed. You sighed getting out of the car standing in the rain contemplating if you should go and knock on the door or not. You knew he wouldn’t be doing okay. Or maybe he was, but you just knew him too well to know he wouldn’t be hurting.
“Fuck it.” You muttered under your breath.
You walked up to the front door, knocking on it furiously as the porch light turned on. He opened the door. You looked at his face, his eyes were bloodshot red like yours, and you could hear tiny sniffles coming from his nose. You could see the couch behind him had been pulled out into the bed, but there was nobody staying over. He couldn’t sleep in the bed the two of you shared. But you knew you had to give the sappy ass speech because you were both hurting.
“When I started streaming in 2015, I didn’t think it would be like this. Y’know. I knew I’d be meeting people left and right, but I didn’t know I would meet you. Until I did. Then we started to talk outside of the group and streams and, everything else. Then you opened up to me about everything you possibly could and we knew each other for two months. But that felt like years. Then you asked me to come to San Fransisco and thank god i said yes. Then we went on two dates on your balcony and they were perfect, and thennnn you asked me to be your girlfriend and of course I said yes. One year later, I convince you to move to L.A. with me, you say yes. We move here, buy a house, everything was perfect. Two years later, I’m sitting in bed for one month, crying over you, because we both want each other, you just wanna give me better. But that’s not how it works. How it works is we go through life together and I’m fine waiting for you, because I can’t live without you. I can’t function without you and people who love eachother go through life together and we loved eachother. I still love you.” By the end of it, your words were unintelligible to anyone but him.
He just looked at you, the same tears running down his face as you, he sighs of relief, “Thank fuck. I tried to call you everyday, but I couldn’t. Not after I was a coward like that. It was so fucking shitty of me to do that to you - I just wanted you to have better. I needed you to have better.” He cried as you pulled him close, your foreheads touching.
“It’s okay,” You said hugging his head.
“Please take me back, please.” He choked.
Your foreheads touched, “Of course I’ll take you back, I need you back.”
Your soft lips pressed onto his as you both smiled against it. You could taste the salty water between your lips. Although Corpse’s eyes were now dried. He smiled down at you pulling you back into a hug. Rae texted you as you heard the familiar ding of your phone.
Pulling away from Corpse and pulling your phone out, a screenshot of both you and Corpse’s bitmoji’s showed up on Rae’s snap maps. A message sat underneath it.
this you? 🤭
You chuckled showing Corpse as he let out a laugh with you.
yeah SDFJHDKFSJDNG
spending the night here :)
i knew you guys could get through this! see you tomorrow, come pick up your shit 😐
SDJFKDJF all jokes aside - thank you so much Rae, i wouldn’t have been okay without you. i hope i wasn’t a burden on you.
of course you weren’t! now remember, i’ll see you tomorrow 👩❤️💋👩
So that night, you lay in your bed with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. God, it felt nice to say that again. It was warm and soft and you liked the way his chest fell up and down as you lay on it. His strong arms around you. Careful never to let you go again.
People don’t believe in soulmates, but you knew you had found yours, as when you thought he was asleep, he intertwined your fingers together, as you both fell asleep entangled in between each other.
