Correspondence interruptus
Codex #242
A collection of embarrassing personal communications between the spoiled wealthy and their objects of obsession.
*****
My darling Reginald,
I burn for you and because of you. Please use the enclosed tincture if our love is to endure.
--Sarie
*****
To Wareth Lowstone,
Age, race, height. I care not for the differences others perceive. But matching your helmet to my tunic for the amusement of standing in line with your new "Silent Sisters" invite attention to where none was desired. I will not suffer your company again.
--Alison Highover
(Scribbled below) Gonna miss knocking heads with those girls.
*****
A delicate matter,
While I am overwhelmed at the prospect of having you, an unwelcome guest requires that you excuse yourself by the postern of my estate to avoid a mark upon our reputations.
--"M"
*****
Miss Ambrose,
A long, slow grind, the motion careful, aided by generous application of oils. Size is no concern with my equipment, and I am always mindful when stuffing, not risking a burst before every order is fulfilled. My meat goes hand in hand with satisfaction.
Your interest astounds, but it is not my to question a customer's choice in nighttime reading. Three pound sausage again next week? No cheek, of course.
Yours,
--Biller's Butchers
*****
Darling,
When next we meet, I would find it agreeable for you to leave your hat on. And mayhap your boots as well. And trousers. Shirt too. And I shall facilitate said clothed status by locking my door and posting a guard. Duly warned?
--"X"
*****
My elfroot,
The herbalist suggested powdered bronto horn. I was very discrete.
--Your sunflower
*****
Donogan, On pain of death, you are Now warned! My father found The letters you previously Sent, and is watching as I write To tell you our relations are Over! We must remain chaste.
--Patricia
*****
You are filthy! A beast! Such depravity I have never been forced to suffer! How words are so laden when they leave your lips they are beyond decent imagining!
Madam, I love you.
--Ser Augold
*****
My dearest Virginia Trueroyal,
Regarding: Bodice ripped Enclosed are seven silver and my most heartfelt apologies for said bodice. I would blame the cold ocean spray, the loss of my favorite shirt, the bucking of the stallion, or perhaps the strain of maintaining all such elements while sitting for a portrait, but I was certainly not myself. I hope you will forgive me and not take it upon yourself to find your own determined way in this world.
Yours, --Ser Rival Grouseman
*****
Dear Ser Jon,
Your ministrations, while well intentioned, hold no promise. Do not despair, for it is not you, it is of me. I require and interval to acquaint myself with the personage you awakened. I'm certain we can maintain an amiable accord and the engagements with our mutual associations will not be awkward.
--"Mari"
*****
To one's paramour,
When last we embraced, one noticed the redolence of another's company, but one was unmindful.
--His Most Eminent Ser Fether Hapsmith Osvald III
*****
My love,
I long to dance you beneath the moonlight, our hearts beating like the paired wings of a dove, in concert with the glory of the Maker and the beauty of the world that we must shepherd in his absence. Join me in a purity that will last the ages, when the brothers mark the Chant of Light anew.
With all my soul, --Erec Denolven
(Scribbled below in a delicate hand) Otter's pocket! He's earned it tonight!