#coupleshelp

[oddlyvirtualdinosaur]

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Every relationship faces challenges—communication gaps, trust issues, or emotional distance.

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[psychotherapistnetwork]

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[mr-daddies-advice-blog]

Don’t give up on marriage so easy!

OK so you have a bad relationship right now!? Your ready to give up and walk away... Hold those thoughts don’t act apon them until you ask yourself a few questions....1. Has the relationship always been this way? 2. If not where did it change? 3. What is really the problems? 4. Just because we resent each other for things right now is that how our heart really feels? 5. When you discuss your relationship problems with others who are your support do you leave out any details?

Asking these questions can really boost your chances of happiness! Whether its separation or working out the answers are clear when you are true to yourself in answering.

Most of us don’t have the will power to control ourselves when asking ourselves questions especially these kind. We almost always have something inside us converting and manipulating the answers so we try and lie to ourselves most times completely oblivious as we want to believe it as much as we do it.

To elaborate on these questions a little... 1. If it’s been the same way same problems from the moment you got together, than chances are it was a sour relationship anyways and not meant to be... If you were ever happy together at all, remember that go into details in your memories and pick those out you need to do this to remind yourself it’s not all been bad. Your mind will dwell on the bad times easier than it will remember the good times. So now you have opened your mind up a bit you need to do this so it will accept what your heart is saying.

Now 2. you need to ask yourself where did it change? Really get into details again in your memories... was it something that one of you did that really hurt the relationship is it something that is on going being done by one or both of you is it you nagging your the other nagging you about a part of your lifestyle say smoking or gambling or even just being a thrill seeker. A lot of times there can be resentment towards each other with no cause. Money problems are a big cause of this. You can be having financial problems and your blame each other or just one of you. Even if its neither of your fault it will bog you down make you feel like crap and depressed and anyone who is closest to you will pay the price and you pay it to along with them. So when thinking of this really get into details because it’s almost never just one persons fault you both loved each other once it took 2 to fall in love and it takes 2 to fall out of love. I personally believe if one of the 2 does not want separation or anything like that then there is obviously something there and digging very deep is worth a try. It’s really just to bad the person who would want the separation is in that state of mind and the idea of digging deep like this is the furthest from their mind.

3. Now you are getting closure to acknowledging the real problems, so ask yourself what is the problem here. Taking back to where it everything changed, of course if you found something specific you can work on that and start discussing it with your partner.  But in most cases that one problem branches over time without working on it and builds up a forest of problems that seem to big to deal with and easier to walk away from. Here’s the thing, get past the first problem it’s all you have to do it’s like put a stake in the head vampires chest the rest die. 

4. Your still together, or you lasted for a lot longer than most others would have before splitting. This is probably because deep down your heart was fighting but your minds were giving up... this day and age people seem to have a weaker mind set in relationships and the mind gives up and can’t take anymore the heart can. The heart wants to keep trying but the mind cancels it out and ignores the feeling. When that happens we simply give up. Maybe if you sucked up the pride a bit you sit down and really think about it and you will realize it’s like you been manipulated by your own brain to ignore so much!

5. When you discuss your relationship problems with others who are your support do you leave out any details?  This is one of the most important ones to ask if not the most important! This is because well for example, in my situation my wife and I had tons of financial problems that got between us. I would work she would call and text me to come home and help with the kids. I would do this to make her happy then on top of that I would take days off because my health was bad and I was ignoring it for along time and didn’t realize how bad it was. But end result I lost a lot of jobs. That being said when she talked to her support people she obviously is not going to mention the parts about her texting me and calling me so highly stressed out all the time everyday. So her support group now says omg that useless jobless bum you need someone with there @#$% in gear. Then me being stressed about knowing what her family thought was me, I would be resentful of her and the vicious cycle starts where everything build. Then she turns around and complains to the support people again... “he’s such a jerk he’s always in a bad mood”. I was heart broken because the woman I love more than life it’s self was falling away from me and I just wouldn’t speak much i’d sit and stare at the wall and not talk to her about my real feelings I thought hiding them making it look like i was fine would make things better as I know it was a lot of stress but i took it on for her I married her willing to take on anything that may come my way. Instead my silence was taken as I’m mad at her and giving her the silent treatment. So to the support group I’m not a jobless jerk not supporting my family and mean to my wife. That’s when they say you really need to get out and will attempt to help her or him do so because they don’t know the full story. Do me a favor if your with someone that you want away from and they don’t want to split, ask yourself these questions and then actually force yourself to talk to your significant other no matter how bad the fight may get it needs to be done. And if your that other person like me, open your eyes take a real hard look suck it up and talk to the one you love your going to loose them... take it from me I’m living the hell of losing the one and only woman I ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

In my case we attempted to fix things many times but we never ever actually followed through with it. I wanted to but the finances still kept bringing her down and that got the cycle going again. I was never able to show her what i’m made of because her support group makes her feel like she’s feeling what she should be feeling.

Ya I’m horrible at getting my point across but even if just one person understands this it will help someone at some point. 

[highexpectationscounseling]

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