Covalence [Ch. 1]
University AU
TW/CW: Language, Mentions of a Previous Toxic Relationship (Lack of Trust),
Pairing: Qian Kun x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Angst
(Y/N) Pronouns: She/Her
Word Count: 5K
(Part 1/4) [Next]
[NCT Masterlist] | [Covalence Masterlist] | [Full Fic Version]
Notes: This fic has been here for a while but I've decided to break this up into chapters since I had a couple of people say they prefer it as opposed to a full fic for pacing reasons, but just for y'all I'll include the link to the full fic! I hope you all enjoy! That and I also want to get some traction on the blog again hehe
Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in or condone these actions. I would never wish any of these actions to occur to the Idol(s) mentioned in the writings of these stories, nor do I wish any harm on them.
0. Covalence
Covalence: (n) Relating to or denoting chemical bonds formed by the sharing of electrons between atoms. Often contrasted with ionic.
I. Strangers
Wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, sit in class, eat lunch, sit in class, study, go home, study some more, eat dinner, go to bed, and repeat.
Life is a routine for you, always the same, and rarely ever different. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s better this way. You enjoyed the stability and you found peace in the order. It kept your mind sharp and focused, it minimized distractions, and it helped you create a steady plan for success. Of course, you always made time for your friends, you needed a natural release every now and then or else you’d go insane under the pressure, and what better way to do it than with people you loved and cared about?
Your phone buzzed menacingly on your counter, you flipped it over and, of course, it was none other than your good-for-nothing ex. You silenced the call and sighed, you didn’t have the heart to block his toxic ass, but at the same time, he was really starting to drain you. The relationship’s been over for months now, you’ve gotten over it, so should he. If he “loved” you so much he wouldn’t have tried to constantly get into your privacy. You could never forgive him for reading through all of your texts and going through your history without your consent, he was the lowest of the low.
Your life has always had its ups and downs, which was natural. It’s natural to have your highs and lows in life, and you would go as far as to argue that without them you were never really living at all. These points defined you, much like the cardiogram of the heart, these points are you. They determine if you’re healthy, they determine if you’re sickly, and they determine when and if you need help. They are as necessary as the air you breathe, and that’s just how life works. If you’ve learned one life skill from University, it’s that you have to accept these as you and use them as stepping stones to move forward.
But you felt like your life was a broken record. Repeating the same things over and over again for weeks. You walk to your classes mechanically now, your body moves on its own. It walks a path that you had downloaded into your mind like the mindless drone University had turned you into. It’s ironic, for an institution that emphasized creativity, it did well to mold you into the same box that everyone else was in. You sit in class and you absorb information, you could care less about the faces around you unless you were in a group project with them. In the end, you’re all just students working for the same goal, competitive or not. They’re all, at most, strangers. And you had no will to get to know them. You didn’t have the time or the energy to, and that was just a fact amongst many. Every now and then you’d see a pretty or handsome face, or maybe your ears would pick up on some intelligent conversation that you’d want to place your input on, but you’d never be that shallow. You’d never say you were as simple as to speak to someone on their looks alone, that never got you anywhere, after all. Pretty faces are just that most of the time. Something to gawk at, something to envy, and something that is, in the end, superficial.
But you were the one to talk, weren’t you? Your apartment was rather plain compared to others. You had a tendency to not condone blatant superficialness, even though you yourself often fell victim to it. First impressions are important, after all, something you had become horribly aware of. And if ever you were insane enough to invite someone over, what would their thought be at your rather uninspired layout? You had bought a majority of the items second hand and within reason in order to save money, and you usually kept the curtains drawn so that they wouldn’t fade out the fabric more than they already have. You kept things simple, not minimalistic, just simple. Keeping the bare minimum to stay afloat. Hell, you just had a futon, coffee maker, and desk when you first moved in and now you had a tad bit more. Some would call it frugal, but you just called it simple.
You turned on the stove and heated up the kettle, pulling out the instant coffee from the cupboard and putting two slices of bread in the toaster. You opened your fridge and sighed, out of everything, as usual. You turned the stove off and made yourself a cup of coffee, pulling out the slices of toast and eating them just like that. A tasteless breakfast for a tasteless atmosphere, fitting, almost. Sometimes you felt like laughing to yourself at your situation, anyone looking from the outside would only pity you. Working only a minimum wage job would only get you so much, after all.
After finishing your breakfast, you finished your morning routine, barely bothering to put on much makeup, if any at all, before properly changing into an outfit for the day. You took your backpack from the side of the bed, then you grabbed your lanyard and hung it around your neck before stepping out to the chilly morning air.
You locked your apartment first thing, being sure that it actually was locked, this time. You couldn’t have a repeat of your ex waiting inside again, you don’t think you’d be able to be as civilized again if he were to try for a second time. You were lucky that your neighbors called the cops and escorted the bastard out, but you’ll never know. Why he was so insistent on butting back into your life, you really didn’t want to know, what you had came and went and you’re not willing to try to relive the good days. Every time you thought back to him all you could remember was the bad, small gestures you initially thought to be romantic here actually toxic, only masked with love.
You really needed to be more careful now, you were living alone this time. Your parents had long expressed their distaste with your living conditions, but you really couldn’t give a damn, and after explaining your reasoning they relented, settling on the fact that you should at least let them know that you were alive every now and then. You had a few bad experiences with your dorm mates last year, and you definitely didn’t want a repeat, you see. You could only hold their hairs up while they puked out all of that alcohol for so long before you lost your mind.
Maybe that was why you usually didn’t go to any parties, you didn’t want to end up wasted like they did. Well, to be fair, you usually didn’t drink alcohol at all, it just wasn’t your thing, it was rather bitter to you, and you didn’t really understand why anyone would subject themselves to the migraines the next morning, but who were you to judge? You each had your own lifestyles, yours just happened to not match theirs, and you couldn’t fault them for that. You just had to acknowledge that you were different, and so were they.
Mutual respect, something you always wanted, but not always something you got. Just like the case with your ex, you trusted him but he didn’t trust you. You hated it.
You pulled your ringing phone out of your pocket, hoping that it wasn’t your ex this time. He was racking up your phone bill, you should really put your foot down sometime soon.
“Hey, what’s up?” You held it to your ear while you unlocked your bike from its stand.
“(Y/N)! I’m so sorry, I can’t make it to chem today, mind if you take notes for me?” It was your friend, obviously. She was a commuter so she usually had some trouble making it to class, and you didn’t blame her, really, you just wished that she would give you a heads up sooner. She was rather clumsy and forgetful though, two things that never went well together. You couldn’t help but worry for her.
“It’s all good, don’t stress! Just be careful, yeah? I don’t want to hear about a car accident when I get home.”
“Oh, yeah, of course! Thanks, (Y/N), I owe you a bunch! Oh! Also, grab me a chocolate latte from the store next to lecture hall! Please? Thank you!” She hangs up first, not giving you a chance to answer but you would’ve told her yes anyway, and you hopped on your bike, heading straight to campus.
Your name was (L/N) (Y/N), and you were a full-time second-year student at your university. You had just gotten the hang of how things work, how to budget correctly, how to use your time effectively, all those necessities, and now you really felt like your life can begin. You had already gotten over the initial shock in your first year, ready to take on the world almost if you were just a bit more confident in your actions. Being on your own scared you, it really did, but you couldn’t help but feel more liberated now that you had the freedom to choose. Sure, it worked against you more often than not, but you were always so satisfied when you worked through it. This is the gratifying feeling of adulthood, right? Making your own choices, reaping your own benefits, and even more.
You parked and locked your bike right next to your lecture hall, walking over to the convenience store first and foremost, since you had time and figured why not. You walked down the aisle quickly, grabbing the prepackaged latte for your friend and heading straight for the register.
“Just this?” The cashier asks.
“Yup,” he rang up the latte and you pushed your card into the chip reader.
‘Card Declined.’
Ah, right, you almost forgot that you’re broke.
“Just a second please,” you pulled your debit card out in a hurry and dug through your wallet for $5.
“Hey! I told you that I’d pay for it,” someone’s voice said behind you. You turned around, seeing another student walk behind you and slide his card in for you. “It’s on me, don’t worry about it, call it thanks for helping me study,” he clears his throat and slides his headphones off of his head and around his neck.
Weird, you could definitively say that you’ve never seen this man in your life.
While the clerk was busy he just nodded his head and mouthed ‘Just go with it,’ then you got the idea. Sure, you were glad that he saved you from a possibly very embarrassing moment, but at the same time you felt kind of bad for both him and yourself, you must have looked pitiful. He handed you the latte and, with a quick smile, you said thank you and walked off quickly to the lecture hall, not paying him mind. Though if you ever ran into him again, you would be certain to thank him properly.
You walked into your class without a care, taking a seat near the front and taking all of your supplies out. You twirled your Apple Pen around your hand and powered on your iPad, being ready for whatever the lecture had to offer. Quick bit of context, both products were received second hand. You saw a rather sketchy Craig’s List offer for both at a discounted price of $100 and you figured that your back had been screaming at you long enough for those overload of books you’d carry every day to classes. So you decided, fuck it, and bought it. Turns out the deal wasn’t a bad one either, both products worked just fine, what a steal, am I right? A few minutes later, your professor came walking in, coffee in hand and notes in the other. She prepared the projector system wordlessly and soon the presentation showed up.
“I swear, I feel like I see less of you all every day,” she laughed, and the lecture room echoed with tired snickers. “Don’t worry, just about eight more weeks of these hell morning lectures and you’ll all be starting winter quarter! How exciting,” your professor forces a smile on her face. You appreciated her enthusiasm, really. She tried to keep everyone awake in her lectures, but sometimes it just wasn’t enough.
“Today we’re going off of last lecture and going back to our roots. Carbon and hydrogen bonding. You should’ve started these in your first year, so I hope you all saved your notes. Let’s begin,” she changes slides and you start writing.
Organic Chemistry, who the hell needs this anyway? Well, you do. Of course you do. Time to quit complaining and get writing. The content was a bit dense, but you were sure that you’d get it eventually, you’d probably end up just reading the textbook, if anything. Speaking of, you’d probably have to update your studying style, it’s always good to improve on things when you can. You put your pen down and flexed your hand, shaking the stinging pain off, and you picked it up again and resumed your notes. You could make them look prettier later, after all.
You looked up at the slides again, being sure to write down everything that looked rather important to you and highlighting what stood out, it sucked that the professor didn’t upload her slides ahead of time, but oh well, what could you do? You just had to work harder. But at this rate, you were afraid that you’d burn out, and you honestly were trying your best to avoid that since it was exactly that problem that happened in your first year. You’re better now, you know what to do and what to avoid. Sure, you’re not perfect, but then again, no one is. It’s all apart of being human.
Human huh? You hated what mornings did to you, making you think more about the nuances of life when you should be focusing on what the fuck stereochemistry was and how you were supposed to apply it to bonding organic molecules. Not to mention all this thinking was a horrible waste of time, if you zoned out for too long you could miss important parts of the lecture. You squeezed your cheek gently, pulling yourself out of your thoughts, and focusing back in on the PowerPoint, making sure your notes were at the very least legible as you wrote.
“And that’s time, thank you all for coming to lecture, and thank you all for filling out the Google Form, you will all be rewarded soon for your tenacity,” your professor says. She shuts down the slides and you pack your things. You still had a discussion class that day for Advanced Calculus, so unfortunately you weren’t homebound yet. You slid out of the narrow rows of chairs, taking care not to bump into anyone, and threw both of your earbuds in while you put your playlist on shuffle. You made a straight beeline for the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at your school, already submitting an order through the app because you just weren’t in the mood for social interaction that day. Then again, when were you?
By the time you reached the coffee shop your phone pinged, stating that your order was ready. You picked up the regular-sized beverage and looked around the cafe. Full, as always. You sighed softly and looked around, hoping that there was someone who would be kind enough to let you share tables with them. Strange fact that you didn’t know until last year, it was totally socially acceptable to ask a random student if you could sit across from them, as long as you followed the unspoken of rule to not engage in conversation unless absolutely necessary. You walked up to the closest one to you and waved your hand slightly. The man sitting at it looked up at you and pushed his headphones down onto his neck.
Oh, you could’ve sworn you’ve seen this guy before, right? You shook your head, he wasn’t ringing any bells.
“Hi, I’m sorry, do you mind if I sit here?” You pulled your own earbuds out so you could hear him. You had to admit, he was rather attractive. But again, you’d never be so shallow. He probably didn’t have a care in the world to direct towards a random person who asked if he could sit with him. You wouldn’t, why would he? That’s just how things worked. You ask for permission to invade a small bit of personal space and if the other person said yes then you do your work, after that whoever finished first left first. Maybe if you stayed longer than him you could take that outlet underneath him that he wasn’t using. You were too hesitant to ask him to use it now, it was rather awkward, and no matter which situation you thought of, it only ended up not playing in your favor.
“Oh, yeah go ahead,” he nods. He pushes up his round-framed glasses and moves his laptop out of the way while you sit across from him. You pulled your iPad out and selected the pages of your notes that your friend needed, sending them to her as soon as you had converted them into a .pdf file. You hadn’t heard from her since her phone call, and you were slightly worried that she wasn’t on campus yet, usually she’d text you and say that she’s on her way to class. Maybe she forgot today, you’d see her in discussion anyway. But what would you do if she wasn’t there? You couldn’t call her in case she was still stuck in traffic, you didn’t want her to get in an accident. You’d might as well just wait. You tried your best to ignore how the man in front of you was staring at your iPad.
“Sorry, can I help you?” Your impatience got the better of you. You hated it when people did stuff like this, you wanted to tell them to mind their own business, but you knew better than that.
“Oh, um, sorry, I didn’t mean to stare,” a light pink dusts his cheeks and he smiles awkwardly. You had to fight the urge to ask ‘So why did you?’ but you had to be polite. “Are you in Professor Nguyen’s class?”
“O-Chem?”
“Yeah, 8 a.m. class? Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?”
“Yes, sir,” you answered.
“I hate to ask this, but could you airdrop me those notes? I couldn’t follow the lecture at all,” he offers you a small smile and you nod your head. So that’s where you recognized him from, you were never particularly observant in your classes when it came to your classmates, especially in the particularly earlier classes.
“Yeah, of course! I’m sorry, they look kind of messy right now,” you admitted. He turned his laptop around.
“It can’t be as bad as this.”
“Oh god,” you were slightly shocked. “Is that shorthand?”
“Yeah, I made my own system because of how fast Dr. Nguyen talks, not to mention that she doesn’t let us record lectures,” he rolls his eyes.
“That’s actually really smart,” you gasped. “Hold on a sec, lemme send you these notes,” you duplicated the notes into a separate PDF and opened your airdrop.
“Uh, yeah, thanks again.”
“No problem,” you scrolled through the people. “Sorry, dumb question, I actually should’ve asked this earlier. What’s the name of your device?”
“Right, right, I should’ve mentioned that, huh?” He scrambled to go through his own laptop to check the name. “Sorry, my friends change the name every now and then to annoy me, they used to do it when we were roommates and it’s just become a running gag.”
“Oh, do I understand that, that’s why I opted to live alone this quarter,” you groaned. “I love roommates, I just happened to have really bad ones before.”
“Oh no, you didn’t request a transfer?”
“I did. Multiple times.”
“This university can’t do their damn job,” he shakes his head. “Oh, sorry, it’s listed under Kun’s Laptop. Thank god they didn’t change it this time.”
“Kun’s Laptop…” you repeated, scrolling through the many recipients. “Got it. Tell me if it sends.”
“(Y/N)’s iPad?”
“Yup.”
“Thanks, I got it,” he smiles.
“So, I’m guessing that you’re Kun then?”
“Yeah, and you’re (Y/N).”
“That’s right, I’m a second year here, biochem major.”
“Cool, I’m a third year, neuroscience major.”
“Third year?” You asked him. You had to admit, he looked older than most third years you knew.
“Oh, yeah. I look a bit older than the others, huh?” It wasn’t that noticeable actually, maybe it was just the air he had about himself. He was much more mature. You hoped that you didn’t seem rude, maybe you exaggerated a little. Like you said, it wasn’t even all that noticeable. The fact that he brought it up must mean that it’s an insecurity of his, so you couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. “I took a year break from classes to travel around, make some money, live a little, you know? Then things came up, and one year became longer than I intended. But, I’m back here, finishing things up… I’ll admit, maybe I took too long.”
“What? Don’t say that,” you said it faster than you had originally meant to. You really just wanted to make up for your initial rudeness, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that there actually was nothing wrong with it. You kind of wished that you took that route instead. You’ve always wanted to travel around more, gather a bigger understanding of the world and its beautiful array of different cultures, it would do well for your overall understanding, you thought. Plus, there was a certain charm to traveling the world without restraints, wandering the streets of some country you didn’t know well, getting lost in their cities, or even learning the language naturally. “It’s never too late to start. And maybe I should’ve taken a break too. I just went straight after graduating from high school. I have a small regret about not enjoying my freedom more, so I envy you a little.”
“Is that so?” He flashes a smile. “I don’t think it’s my place to say this, but I never thought it was worthwhile to live with regrets.”
“Oh yeah?” A life without regrets? Easier said than done, you thought to yourself. You’ve done a plethora of things that you’ve regretted, but you guessed that he had a point. There really was no point in dwelling in the past, what matters most is that you take accountability for it, acknowledge that you did it in the past, apologize if necessary, and made up for it in the present. But, you had to admit that it was a rather interesting way of living, ideal at the most. You couldn’t fault him for thinking in such a way, part of you wanted to live like that too, but you were much too stubborn.
“Mmhmm, make the most of what you’re doing now. And if you missed an opportunity, you missed it. It’s always best to make do with what you have in the now, and make it into something wonderful and rewarding,” he says. He takes a sip of his coffee. Maybe it was your tired brain, but you really did find him attractive, more so now. He certainly wasn’t handsome in the traditional sense, but the way he spoke was somewhat eloquent to you. Like you mentioned earlier, you tended to find a favor in people like him. You secretly hoped that you’d run into him more often, he seemed like he had a lot to say on certain topics and you couldn’t help but be curious. “Or maybe I’m just being strange from lack of sleep and the near overdose of caffeine,” he finished with a light tone, probably figuring that it was too early for anything too philosophical.
“God, do I understand that,” you laughed, “but, no, not at all, I caught what you were throwing,” you straightened yourself a little, suddenly very aware of your slouched posture. What he said had a small effect on you, it resonated, actually. You liked that. You felt bad though. You didn’t even remember his name. Which is a bad habit of yours, you forgot names so easily, you had even sent him your notes and read it off of your iPad and you still couldn’t remember. It was rather embarrassing, and you knew it, as long as you avoided being stuck in a situation where you’d have to say it, you should be fine.
“Sorry for getting so deep this early in the morning,” he glanced at the clock on his laptop. “I tend to get like that around this time, I tend to forget my boundaries this early.”
“Oh, no, don’t worry about it! I’m the same way, that’s why I usually don’t talk much this early, I’m afraid that I’ll go on some longwinded speech. Sorry if I seemed abrasive at first too, I swear I’m usually really talkative if we spoke in the afternoon instead.”
“Same here, mornings are just not a very good time to meet people, usually. You’re not your usual self yet,” he chuckles. “That’s one thing I learned from three years of neuroscience courses, at the very least,” a small lopsided smile appeared on his face and he sighed.
“I felt that, I know I’m supposed to be maintaining the information I’m learning now, but goodness I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast this morning,” you shook your head.
“Don’t worry about that,” he chuckles. “What matters are your upper divisions anyway, that’s when you learn the technical skills. General ed’s just there just in case you figured that you wanted to do something else,” his voice had a hint of tiredness in it. You’d press more, but you didn’t want to overstep your boundaries with someone you had just met.
“You’ve got a point there,” you thought back on your own choice of major. It was the best choice for you considering your choice in career, which is why you stuck with it despite the multitudes of people who had already switched majors within their first year. You would’ve too if you didn’t have the motivation to continue, but instead here you were, still in biochemistry. “If I’m going to switch majors, this is my last year to do it.”
“That’s true. Once you’re a third year, it’s hard to switch majors, and not to mention expensive. Some credits don’t transfer over either, and you might end up having to take more classes.”
“It would delay my graduation date,” you frowned. “Regardless, I think I’m happy with my major. It’s not as competitive anymore since so many people dropped out,” you admitted bashfully.
“That’s one reason to stay,” he nods. “And there’s no shame in that, either. I’m assuming you’re a medical science emphasis if you’re talking about competition?”
“I am! Some people are so hard to get along with in this emphasis, like we’re all working for the same goal, we should be supporting each other, right?”
“I agree! I can say the same about neuroscience majors. I’ll never understand why everyone’s so willing to shove people out of the boundaries of the race. We’re all working towards the same goal in the end, we should be supportive of each other,” he stops himself before he continues. “Sorry again, I’m a bit passionate on the subject. I’ve always tried to help my classmates whenever I can, but many other classmates of mine think oppositely and I just can’t understand why,” he shakes his head.
“Mm, I understand that, don’t worry. It’s free to be a decent person, I don’t get the rush people are in. Plus, everyone learns differently, it doesn’t hurt to lend a helping hand here and there,” you continued. You were just thinking about how much you admired his ‘Life Without Regrets’ philosophy, but you were really starting to regret the fact that you probably wouldn’t see him again after this conversation in this cafe. Maybe you’d see him in O-Chem every now and then, considering that you both have the same lecture time, but you doubted that you’d ever have a chance to have a full interaction with him again.
“Hey, let me pay you back for the notes,” he offers, eyeing your coffee next to your device. And an opportunity presents itself to you, as if some omnipotent being was listening to your thoughts and decided ‘why not?’ But your consciousness got the better of you.
“No, it’s alright, we’re both struggling through the lectures, so it’s fine! I’m just happy to help out a classmate,” You waved your hands in front of you. You had a slight fear that it would leave you indebted to him in some way, and you couldn’t accept that. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but you could never be too sure in this society.
“No way, I insist. Plus, I’d feel bad if I just studied someone else’s work for free. Let me buy you a drink here sometime.” You had to admit, you couldn’t say no to free coffee. And you could only live off of the cheap 3-in-1s that you got from Walmart for so long. But part of you did feel a little bad for using him for as much as free coffee, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, after all. “Here, I’ll leave you my number,” he grabbed a napkin and scribbled his phone number down, putting his name at the end of it. Thank god. You thought for a moment, there’s no turning back now. You grabbed another napkin and wrote down your own name and number and slid it over to him.
“Sure, same time on Wednesday?”
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