‘PLEASURE.’ (Jules Millin x Intersex!Reader)
Warning(s): Hurt/Comfort, Coping, GN Reader, (breasts & peen mentioned but not really interacted with) Top!Reader, Alcohol consumption, tears shed, reader gets walked in on, dubcon, (alc involved) fingering, reader is a rebound. Requested Fic
You tore your mask and gown off with a smirk after another successful transplant surgery. You glanced up to the gallery and your smirk instantly dropped, your eyebrows scrunched as you headed to the sinks to scrub out. Your eyes locked on an anxious looking Millin who looked a moment from hurling herself off a building.
It had been a while since you last spent time with her. She had found what was apparently the girl of her dreams and had had tunnel vision ever since. Something you respected. You fell back and focused on your work. But when you looked at her now you knew something was terribly wrong.
You exited the scrub room and made your way to the Attendings’ Lounge. Your shift ending soon. You decided to take the moment to undress and wind down. You were in the middle of changing. Your scrub top was in your work bag waiting to be taken to your apartment to wash and you were buttoning up your jeans – only wearing your black bra – when Jules slipped quietly inside the room, eyes red and puffy. She paced back and forth for a moment.
“Hey, what’s going on?” You asked your voice soft with concern in that way that made the mahogany-haired woman’s stomach churn and heart warm.
She stopped pacing, her eyes trailed from your socks to your abs and further up to your face. She seemed stuck in time, a tear slipping down her cheek that made you drop the black long-sleeve you were about to don and pull her towards you by her arms. Your thumbs swiping the tears from her cheeks, a pit sinking into your gut. You questioned more insistently, “What’s wrong Jules?”
She attempted to pull away from your touch but you refused to let her.You cupped her cheeks attempting to draw her stormy brown eyes to your own – she refused to yield. “Hey, don’t do that. You came to me for a reason. Talk to me. I want to help,” You whispered patiently, tenderly.
Jules didn’t want that right now. She shoved your chest harshly making you stumble backwards nearly falling over an end table. Your lips parted in shock.
“Jules.” You mumble and she wiped her tears with her palms. A deep breath and more silence…Your jeans sagged on your hips as you waited.
“Just… don’t.”
You nodded slowly. She still couldn’t meet your gaze.
“She left.” Jules spat through gritted teeth like she was in physical pain and your expression instantly slacked from confusion as the realization dawned on you.
“Wait… Yasuda sh–”
Jules runs her fingers through her hair as more tears breach her stormy irises that still refused to meet yours.
“Fuck.” You mumbled knowing the brunette well enough to know if you dared showed an ounce of pity she would run and never look back.
“Yeah.”
The door to the attendings’ lounge swung open in that moment and you grunted as Millin shrunk in on herself. You brushed past her and glared at Dr. Ndugu, pushed a hand against his chest, and forced him out of the room as he protested.
You walked back to your locker and pulled your long-sleeve over your head before wrapping your jacket around Jules’ shoulders. You snatched your bag up and pulled your shoes onto your feet, then you wrapped a strong arm around her waist and guided her out of the lounge. Her head hung, her footsteps unsteady.
You bypassed families and coworkers alike not even chancing a greeting as you guided her out of the hospital and into your old F-150. You opened the passenger door and practically lifted her into the truck, tugged the seatbelt over her trembling frame and shut the door. You climbed into the driver’s seat and pulled out of the parking lot carefully.
Five minutes into the drive she began sniffling. Five minutes after that the silence of the road was replaced by the sound of her heavy sobs. Your jaw has set by the time you pull up to your apartment. You shut off the engine and slouched into your seat. Gazing at her as she sobbed and after a while you opened your arms offering a shoulder.
She glanced at you teary-eyed and sniffling to keep her nose from running. The sleeve of your jacket over her mouth to muffle the sobs that tore through her and you draped your arm over her shoulders. She scoots into you leaning towards you sliding across the bench seat until her head is resting on top of your thigh her tears seeped through the denim as you rubbed her shoulder and back soothingly.
“Let it out.” You whispered.
She sobbed harder burying her face into the denim of your jeans as you moved to pull the elastic from her hair and stroke your fingers through it. “I’ve got you.”
“She left me!” She cried out.
“I know. I know.”
An hour later the sobbing seemed to recede and Jule’s phone was blowing up with texts from her friends wondering where she was. You watched as she held down the power button and turned her phone off.
“Let’s go inside. I’ll heat you up some leftovers and we’ll watch a horror movie.”
Jules rolled her eyes and scoffed. “I don’t need coddling, I need something hard.”
You smirked at the unintentional innuendo.
Her face scrunched in disgust and she smacked your chest. “Not! Like that!”
She groaned. You laughed warmly. “Ouch.”
“Don’t be a baby. I just meant Tequila.”
You nodded as you climbed out of the truck and she followed, wiping her face with the sleeve of your jacket. Her nose, eyes, and cheeks rosy. “I don’t keep that shit in my house, it tastes like cayenne pepper and bad decisions.” You shiver at the memories as Jules groans loudly and drags her feet.
“I have whiskey though.” You informed as you walk up the steps and open the door to your apartment building.
“That’ll do, I guess.”
You nodded as you walked up the flight of stairs with the brunette in tow. You finally reached your apartment and unlocked the door. You dropped your bag and kicked off your shoes, setting them on the rack. Calmly, you made your way to the cupboard reaching up to the top shelf. You pulled down the large three-quarters full bottle of whiskey and two glasses.
Jules sighed and leaned against your kitchen island shoes having tracked in mud but you’re too focused to care. You opened the bottle and poured two glasses to which Millin snatched them both and downed the sickly sweet liquid inside. You gaped in shock and chuckled as she grimaced and wiped her lips. You poured more into the glasses and snatched the second one before she could get her hands on it. You took a breath in and clinked your glass against hers. You tapped the glass on the counter and breathed out, tossed it back with her and inhaled slowly– shivering in disgust.
Jules smirked. “Pussy.”
You rolled your eyes and moved to the fridge to pull out the leftover fried chicken and homemade mac and cheese.
“How do you find time to cook?” The brunette asked as she poured herself another glass.
“Day off.” You mumbled with a smirk as you pressed the buttons on the microwave to heat the food and moved to the fridge to grab a Powerade.
You slid the bottle of blue electrolytes to her. “Electrolytes with your liquor?”
Jules rolled her eyes and twisted the cap open begrudgingly taking a sip. You nodded approvingly and headed to your bedroom to get undressed. You sighed as you tugged your shirt over your head and unbuttoned your jeans letting them fall, still stained with the brunette’s tears.
You stood confidently in your boxer-briefs and bra taking a breath and a moment to yourself. You were shedding your boxers and pulling up a pair of thin pajama pants when Jules walked in with her thumb pointing to the kitchen her eyes instantly falling on your limp dick.
You cursed and turned your back on instinct.
Her spluttering halted as she tilted her head and smirked at the ink scribbled across the back of your thigh, “Is that a tattoo?”
You hurriedly pulled the pajama pants up and tied them securely. “What did you need?”
You asked ignoring the heat in your cheeks and ears.
“What does it say?” She asks referring to the tattoo on the back of your thigh just below the curve of your glute.
You groaned and brushed past her hearing the microwave beep. “Your dinner is done.”
You tried to brush her off but she didn’t let you. She followed you into the kitchen and poured herself another glass as you grabbed her a fork and slid the tupperware to her.
“I won’t eat until you tell me what it says. I will starve myself, I swear.”
You roll her eyes at her tipsy dramatics. “Fine. It says ‘Pleasure Over Matter.’”
Jules snorts before keeling over laughing and you smirk embarrassed but glad to see her smiling. You just watch her with a soft look in your eyes. “Now eat your food. You know you want it.”
“You are so… full of yourself, my god!” She cackled.
You rolled your eyes and picked up the fork, stabbing some elbow noodles and held it to her lips. “Eat.”
She takes a bite and moans softly before taking the fork and digging in. “Am i drunk already or are you a good cook?”
You smirk. “Both.”
You watched her eat and poured yourself another glass of whiskey and downed it in one go. You stuck your tongue out and made a noise of distaste. Jules eats slowly but surely and taps her glass for you to top her off. You do. She downed it, took a pointed sip of Powerade and went back to eating as you screwed the cap on the bottle and placed it in your freezer to the brunette’s disappointment.
“Come on.” You mutter and guide her to your living room as she eats. You turn on the tv and let her pick a horror movie as you sink into the cushion of your couch beside her. She settles on Scream, one of her favorites.
You sit through most of the movie together. She finishes eating and sips at the Powerade you gave her and she turns to look at you. “How are things with you and Dr. Shepherd?”
You press your lips together and turn away from the gorey movie to hold her gaze. “Uh… nonexistent. I don’t accept that type of betrayal as something to move past.”
Jules nodded slowly. “So you two are over? Like for good? How can you walk away that easily?”
You snorted. “You just walk away and don’t look back.”
Jules nodded slowly again. The alcohol made her slow to process. “Is it that easy?”
You scan her face and realize hastily she’s conflating her situation with Yasuda to your’s. “Hey, she’s a fool for leaving you. Don’t get me wrong, grief makes people do stupid things they wouldn’t necessarily do… but.. You didn’t betray her. You did nothing wrong. She simply walked away. And that might be what she needed… that doesn’t reflect on you, Jules. That reflects on her. You deserve all the love in the world. Someone who will see it through with you. Not that half-in half-out bullshit you usually settle for. She’s going through a lot and she made the choice to deal with that on her own and abandoned you in the process. That’s the facts of the situation. Focus on the facts, don't draw conclusions, especially ones that mess up your own self worth.”
Jules nodded her eyes tearing up again. “I just.. I feel so..”
You nod slowly. “Hurt?”
She nods and wipes at her eyes. “I thought… we could get through it together. I thought we had something. I just don’t want to think anymore. I shouldn't have ever gotten involved, I should have kept my head down.”
You sigh and pull her towards you by her ankle until her legs are across your lap and you hug her. “Don’t shame yourself. There’s no shame in… falling in love. You’re human.”
“I-I know, but…”
You shush her as she sniffles against your neck. “There is no but. You lead with your heart that was brave. Not stupid.”
Jules fell silent sniffling over the screams that echoed from your flatscreen. You held her together and kissed the top of her head and she leaned into you. She looked teary-eyed and dejected and you pouted, bringing a hand to her cheek. She leans into your touch and you clench your jaw as she gives you a certain look, her gaze darkening as she leans upwards her lips parting slightly. You rest your forehead against hers.
“Are you sure?”
She responds silently by bringing a soft hand to the back of your neck, her nails gently biting into the flesh there. You nod slowly and lean in to capture her lips. You stop just before they meet. “You won’t hate me for this?”
Jules pulls back to catch your eye. “Shut up.” She mumbled and captured your lips roughly with her own and you melted– kissing her back with a certain reservation. While she… she was rough with you because she knew you could handle it. Handle her. That’s what she wanted…to be handled. And handled well.
She bites down on your lip and straddles your lap as she forces her tongue into your mouth and you suck on it causing her to groan and pull away only to dive back in– her hands trailed over the lace of your bra and down your clenched abdomen.
You dragged your lips away from hers and along the edge of her jaw to catch your breath. You smirked and licked her pulse point sucking lightly before moving on. The brunette shrugged your jacket off her lithe frame and pulled her scrub top over her head.
You licked your lips as she cupped your cheeks before dragging your head forward so that your swollen lips grazed against the tops of her breast. You kissed the skin languidly feeling her heart pound under your lips as you reached behind her and unclasped her bra with one hand.
She chuckled as you smirked devilishly and pulled the straps down her arms until you were able to toss the constrictive garment aside. “You’re so smooth with that.”
“Practice makes perfect.” You mumbled before sucking one of her rosy pink nipples into your mouth laving your tongue over the peak as you massaged the other. She grinded down on your abs as your mouth world her eyes on your face as she pushed your hair out of your way.
You switched to her other breast as she grabbed your free hand and untied her scrub bottoms before shoving it inside. YOu moaned against her breast as you cupped her wet cunt over her panties before pushing them aside. She gasped as your fingers gently traced her clit.
You rubbed the bundle of nerves languidly trailing your fingers further until you could swipe some of the slick from her entrance up against her button. Jules' hips jerked and her head fell backwards. “Fuck. Please.”
You released her nipple–a string of your spit connecting you to her breast still. You cupped her jaw and dragged her lips back down to yours as you plunged a single finger into her entrance swirling it around. She moaned into your mouth her arms wrapped around your neck as you swirled your tongue over hers.
You nibbled her lower lip as you curled your finger. She pulled away with a whine– her clit dragging over the heel of your palm. You knew what she wanted before she even asked plunging a second finger inside her tight, wet heat. She groaned and let her forehead rest against your’s.
“Feel good?” You smirked as you dragged your fingers through her pussy rubbing against the textured patch just inside her entrance.
Her back arched as she whimpered and grinded her clit harder against your palm. She rolled her hips perfectly to ride your long fingers that reached deeper than anyone else ever could including herself. Her breath fanned against your face and smelled of pure whiskey–how intoxicating. She nodded mindlessly and you chuckled hotly.
“Yeah?”
“Fuck. Yes!” She cried as you scissored your fingers inside her.
You groaned as she tightened around your fingers, more wetness gushing into your palm. You fucked your fingers into her faster in response. You made sure to hook your fingers on every pull to drag against that spot that made her walls clench tighter every time. That spot that made her hold on your wrist tighten and that airy moan spew from her lips. Her face scrunched in pleasure.
“Right there?” You inquired though you knew the answer before she frantically nodded her head in desperation.
You smirked and scissored your fingers inside her. Feeling her walls tighten and her cunt gush in response. The brunette ground her clit against your palm letting out a growled mewl.
“There you go, take what you need.” You whispered and sucked her pink nipple back into your mouth as she rode your fingers frantically.
Jules whined and bounced on your fingers insistently canting her hips forward to rub her clit against your palm over and over. That's when you brought your other hand down and swiped at the bundle of nerves hastily, your fingers slipping on the sheer amount of slick.
You arched your hips up unconsciously seeking attention but remained focused as Jules' breath stuttered. The smell of whiskey filling your senses as she cupped your cheeks and brought your lips to hers her eyes rolling back as her back arched–-with a gush and a breathless whine she came hard all over your hands. Her eyes rolled back and her breath caught as you rubbed her clit and g-spot simultaneously as her walls seized.
The sounds spilling from her lips tasted of pure heaven on your tongue as you pulled away to gaze at her pleasure-overcome features. Her eyebrows drawn together her lips open her jaw tight. Her hips canted wildly chasing the euphoria you helped her achieve until it all came crashing down.
The brunette slackened in your arms. Her breath fanning against your neck, her mahogany tresses tickling your jaw and shoulder as you wiped her slick on her thigh before pulling your hand out of her pants and wrapping her in your arms holding her close. Silence befell the room, the credits of the movie playing in the background as she caught her breath.
Jules shuddered as she was hit with aftershock after aftershock. Her eyes welled up again as the euphoria faded and her reality came crashing back down on her. You heard her sniffle and instantly tightened your arms around her.
You held your breath as she began to sob into your neck. You kissed her shoulder as she cried well into the night, and you fell asleep with her curled up in your arms.