Contentment.
First of all, I don’t know if “contentment” is a word. So for you not to be confuse here it goes.
5 months. It’s been 5 months since I failed everyone. 5 months since I got my first job.
I am happy. I earn my own money. I pay some of our bills. I can buy what I want.
I thought everything is fine, not until yesterday.
Retaking the board exam is not part of my plan. But my parents are pushing me to enter review school again and they are willing to pay my fees in review school.
Actually, I’ve been thinking of taking it one last time but next year not this year.
But then ayun na nga, pinipilit nila ako.
What they don’t know is that “Hindi sa hindi ako handa magreview at magexam ulit. Hindi ko palang talaga kayang masaktan ulit”
Hindi nila magets kung gaano kasakit. For them, exam lang yun. But for me, Ako yung nagaral ng limang taon. Ako yung nagreview at nabaliw ng limang buwan. Di ko sila masisisi. Mahirap naman talga magpaaral
But andun na nga tayo, I did my best. I helped them, kumuha ako ng scholarship. Maliit pero atleast medyo nakakatulong.
Grumaduate ako on time. Hindi ako nagloko. Hindi ako bumagsak. Hindi ako nagbisyo. Nagaral lang talaga ako.
Ngayon ko lang naeexperience yung ganito. Tumambay, Maginom, gumala, umuwi ng walang iniisip.
Mahirap mabuhay while reaching your parent’s expectation.
Mahirap maging perfect daughter. Madali siguro mag imagine having one.
It’s hard to explain why I am refusing to do it. Feeling kasi nila tinatamad lang ako or what.
Pero sa kabila ng lahat ng yun, isa lang naisip ko.
Hindi nila matanggap na yung anak nilang achiever at pinagmamalaki ay hindi nakapasa ng board exam.
Tangina. Sakit men!
Masakit. Yun lang talaga yung kaya kong sabihin.
Ayoko na.
Eto yung mga panahon na kailangan ko ng makakausap pero wala. Mahirap magopen sa mga taong alam mo na hindi ka naman maiintindihan. After mo magkwento they’ll be like “ahh. kaya mo yan” di yun yung kailangan ko.
Syempre sa lahat naman ng blogs ko kasama si “the man who can’t be named” kung sana andito lang siya may iiyakan ako, may kkwentuhan ako, may magcocomfort sakin.
Parang gago kasi mas naiiyak pa ko pag iniisip ko na wala na.
Pero about dapat to sa plano ko in life.
Wag na nating pahabain.
BYE!