=͟͟͞͞★ · @cptbrit : / &. / “i’m here to investigate a crime.” / taking the piss out of his job 🙄
the boneyard is in catastrophic ruins this morning, as it normally is on any day of the week that ends with a ‘y’.
miss cassidy is gunning an ambitious bid for “most self-inflicted deaths in a week,” lorna has taken that as a personal affront after burning through what little patience she had left on her after handling her self-important father and the lesser summers brother, aurora is — for reasons currently beyond mortal and immortal comprehension — hanging up every single one of his calls, and amazing baby has chewed through and unceremoniously murdered jean-paul’s nordas before spitting them out on his desk.
to complete the picture, the only competent members of this team — thank heavens for prestige and prodigy, truly, the operation would have crashed and burned yesterday without them — are missing without a trace.
no offence to eye-boy — trevor is new, and jean-paul is not entirely without mercy; he knows trevor is doing his best.
he absolutely cannot fucking say that about akihiro.
“elizabeth,” northstar says, with the kind of careful precision usually reserved for disarming bombs and sentinels, “i understand that you believe yourself to be quite the comedian this morning. and you are. exceptionally so. i am positive, under different circumstances, i would even laugh.”
he drags both hands down his face, hastily yet mindful of his nails even now — because he is nothing if not consistent in his standards — then exhales through his teeth before looking back up at her.
psychic extraordinaire. oath-sworn, divinely self-knighted. a captain who is having entirely too much fun for someone british.
“pardon me,” he continues, voice still maddeningly polite as his eyes narrow ever so slightly, “if i am unable to take a joke at the moment, because—”
“s’il te plaît,” he says then, the shift from restrained irritation to something far more urgent happening almost seamlessly, “join the x-factor. expeditiously. take a position. any position. i do not care. i will make one for you.”
his hands come up briefly, gesturing in a way that suggests he is this close to unraveling and choosing diplomacy instead out of sheer force of habit.
“help me banish that oaf for once and for all. i pray you as an unbelieving man.”
“tel père, tel fils,” he mutters scarcely under his breath. “i have tolerated logan’s existence for years. i refuse to endure a sequel.”
he exhales sharply through his nose, like he’s trying to bleed off the last of his patience before it does something humiliating.
“i will even write to your monarch, if that is what it takes. by hand.”
“replace him and get him out of my sight forever.”
