Caput Mortuum by cr0ftisprocrastinating
Caput Mortuum: A useless substance left over from a chemical operation and the epitome of decline and decay, literally ‘dead head’ or ‘worthless remains’. A dark purple pigment. Lucius Malfoy is the Minister for Magic, after The Order was unable to remain in power post-War. Draco Malfoy is the powerless figurehead of his father’s new regime. Banned from doing nearly everything (except the occasional topless photo shoot to cover up the more unsavoury aspects of Lucius’ plans), he has lost all hope for a better world. But Hermione Granger has just been captured and brought back to The Manor. And instead of being afraid, she looks like this is exactly where she wants to be. After years of apathy, Draco realises that he wants to know why.
Feelings were allowed only during a one-hour slot in the late afternoon, when he would shower for dinner, and scream at the wall. // ‘No,’ Mipsy howled. Draco checked the wards quickly. ‘It is too much! I do not deserve…’ ‘You do, Mipsy,’ Granger said firmly. ‘And I will make it extra knobbly and bobbly for you.’ ‘Extra, knobbles, and, bobbles,’ Mipsy heaved, hiccuping. This was the worst morning of Draco’s life. // Draco momentarily lamented the way their lives had turned out, and his part in it. They could have been normal. They might even have liked each other, grown up together, slowly. Not had to take lives or be held prisoner anywhere. // ‘Fucking hell,’ [Theo] muttered, weakly. ‘You honestly get off on this?’ he asked Draco. He shrugged. He wasn’t sure what to say, really. Because they weren’t sleeping together, but it would probably be best for Theo if he thought they were, and to be honest, if it was Granger pressed against him murmuring threats…yes. He probably would find that quite sexy. // Draco wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want people to see what he knew was written all over his face, but he couldn’t hide it. He could pretend, of course. He could tell Granger he was just a good actor. But he was lying, because the only thing he could think was that she was stunning, and he was lucky. Even to marry her as some sort of farce, he was lucky to be standing at the end of an aisle, waiting for her to approach him. // He did as he was told, clearly not totally ruined by Granger’s murdering of baddies in front of him, because for a moment he was distracted by ideas of her telling him what to do in another kind of scenario. He could not lust after his fake-wife like this, especially when she was brutally ending the lives of the people sent to kill him. // Hermione, it had turned out, had a bit of a thing about niche quests hidden in storybooks. // ‘How much do you know about bombs, Hermione? Because I’ve got an idea.’ He told her then. He told her his plan, told her all of it. And at the end of it she was just gaping at him. ‘I…’ she faltered. ‘I think I’m in love with you.’ He let out a soft chuckle. ‘Good. Because I know I’m in love with you. Now, let’s get started.’
Cr0ft is one of my favorite writers and Caput Mortuum is an utter delight from start to finish. A delicious (and entirely appropriate) dramione dynamic reversal, starring my favorite sort of Draco (that is: imported from Drarry — whiny, cowardly, dramatic, and useless until he isn't), bursting with plot, humor, and imagination. If it's ever occurred to you that you'd like a bit of a His Dark Materials inspired Dramione with a take-no-prisoners Hermione, Drarry-import Draco, one of the most memorable Goyles to grace AO3, and an absolute trope buffet, this is the fic for you.
Art: Total eclipse of the Sun, July 1860, illustrated by astronomer Warren de la Rue
