cr3e39: why imogen and laudna didn't need a one on one
this is going to be less organized but i've been thinking about imodna, and seeing a lot of people be disappointed in how little they've talked
here's a breakdown of why that might be the case, and also why i don't necessarily think it's a bad thing...
they've both been through a lot, and if one thing is certain, it's that bell's hells all have very different trauma processing methods and perspectives in general (as shown by laudna and imogen and the gnarl rock situation).
and i think, while i love great rp moments and did really want laura and marisha to act their guts out to each other, i don't think either imogen or laudna are the type of person to really want to talk things out like that?
that's more fcg's deal. and it's also clear that laudna's coping mechanisms with trauma are quiet, and reflective, and stoic, as shown by her moments of stillness with the sun tree in whitestone.
her vocal-ness with the rock was about imogen and that's why it was so loud. but with herself, laudna has always been quiet. she's always tried to put on her best face, and this is no different.
and imogen is also dealing with a lot of shit. she clearly blames herself for eshteross's death, and she's also dealing with being terrified of otohan, and her powers, and her dreams, and thinking about whether or not she should message her mother.
to be honest, i don't think she's equipped to help laudna process everything other than being there for her. i think it would be counterproductive to both of them, actually, to lean on each other because one of them would feel the need to shoulder the other's burdens and not express their own.
in this quiet, i think it's a great time for them to take in each other's presence, and reacclimate. i think there's a lot of grief and guilt surrounding how they both look at each other, and that's not an easy wound to heal.
jumping right back in would be an overload for both of them. i think it's beautiful how even without big conversations that they check on each other- imogen's how are you feeling, and marisha breathing "imogen" when the flare started, before they sorted out that laudna wasn't awake-
they still clearly care a lot about each other. but i think they're also being smart (and a little afraid of hurting the other, but that's another problem) about not overwhelming each other.
--
now, on the romance front- i've read a lot of fanfictions about imogen confessing in the immediate aftermaths of these recent episodes and while i do eat that shit up, and love every single writer who does write that, something makes me think they're not ready.
neither of them.
i don't think imogen is ready, because she is carrying a lot of responsibility, and working with a lot of unknowns about herself. i think she's scared of who she is becoming, and how she's impacting the lives around her.
i think she's terribly guilty, and i think she has a lot of self-loathing. it's interesting- the more imogen's powers grow, i think the less she trusts herself.
she's lost a lot of her sense of self, because she's pushed around so much by the circumstances of the world- and that does not make a good romantic partner-
if they were to get together now, i think subconsciously, imogen would be treating laudna as a way to fear herself less, to hate herself less, to tell her who she is.
and that's not healthy.
on the flip side- i don't think laudna is in a romantic headspace at all. she's said as much about yu- which to me suggests she's on the ace spectrum, at least- and she's just died.
and she also has a lot of guilt about all the time and effort the team put into getting her back- and so i don't think her perspective on a relationship with imogen would be right, either- i think she would feel like she was taking up too much of imogen's bandwith.
"you have bigger things to worry about than me" is something i can imagine laudna thinking, on that front, even if imogen did confess.
laudna seems to not really see herself as her own person, yet. she sees herself as a factor in everyone else's lives, but i don't think she's really lived for herself yet.
where imogen has so much magical power that she's lost her sense of self, laudna doesn't have enough empowerment mentally.
if either of them confessed, i think it would be for the wrong reasons- desperation, time pressure- and i don't think, if they got together now, that they would last until the end of the campaign.
so- do i always watch FOR marisha and laura moments? maybe. but i also think the way things are unfolding make for a healthier dynamic, in the long run.
A bug flew into Laura's cup, and it was still alive, and swimming inside her drink, while Liam was doing the "help me ! I'm dying" voice, and time is a flat circle, because I'm pretty sure the exact same thing happened in campaign 2 (but with Marisha's drink and Travis doing the voices).
