#crackcanon.

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

Because my mind just refused to let this go as I work on my fic, here's some crack!canon featuring you x your favorite character:

Morgott has the uncanny ability to finish your sentences for you. No, he isn't psychic (at least... he doesn't think so), he's just really attuned to you. (You still think he's psychic, though)

Since your relationship with him started, Godwyn absolutely, positively cannot get a good night's sleep (and he loves a good night's sleep, credits it for his happy disposition) if you're not in bed with him. And if you take too long to get it in bed, he'll hit you with the puppy dog eyes until you do. And next thing you know, you have a sleeping demi-god in your arms.

Boggart actually DOES NOT like it if you eat other people's cooking. Your taste buds are his alone, dammit. So, too, are your eyes because he loves the way you ogle his chest.

Radagon actually does not mind it when you choose his outfits for him. He's confident in your fashion choices most of the time and his ability to effortlessly look good in whatever you pick out for him. And for the hundredth time, no, he will not go naked. His body is for your viewing pleasure only.

Mohg will never admit it but it was Varré who played wingman and helped him to woo you. You really thought Mohg could wax poetry so effortlessly, didn't you?

The depths of Radahn's love for you can't be quantified. I take it back, it can be. How do you know? Well, a drunken Starscourge told you. He told you his love for you is as big as Leonard and then showed you with his hands. He loves you THIS.MUCH. Okay, then. Radahn was so proud of himself for saying that. And then he passed out. Poor baby meant well. You took extra care of him the next day as he nursed his hangover.

Gideon has caught you laughing at Nepheli's imitation of him more than once.

To your surprise, Godrick's grafting has made him... incredibly ticklish. You may or may not use it to great effect (if only because you want to hear him genuinely laugh) and sometimes he'll hide from you. It's like this really interesting game of hide and seek except Godrick's not really playing. He kinda is. Um...

You actually find it hilarious that Blaidd hates the cold and will playfully tease him about it. Blaidd being the good sport that he is only snorts because you ALWAYS get under his cloak when you're cold. ALWAYS.

Ranni actually likes that you can (and do) pick her up. This being Ranni, of course she has to express her disapproval. Of course.

Varré loves surprise kisses. An exceptionally good kiss will have him giggling like a madman. And don't you dare tell Luminary Mohg about this. ʘ‿ʘ

Diallos loves it when you style his hair. He loves the way your fingers run through his curls and massage his scalp.

You can and have gotten lost in Rogier's eyes. You never hesitate to tell him how beautiful they are. And he never hesitates to blush and kiss your hand in response.

You like to playfully smack Patches on his ass and tell him how good he looks in his pants. Patches being Patches, of course, will smirk and wink at you. And then he'll tease you by wearing even more form-fitting pants. Oh, Patches...

[wxnheart]

honestly. i don't know what it is but something about sulyvahn is hot. but then again it's probably just my size kink/monsterfucker escaping my body

Regarding Sulyvahn, it's the voice. I realized on my second or third playthrough that he actually has a very deep voice.

I like Artorias partly because I'm crazy about Guts from Berserk. And also because Sif and the shade of blue they used for him is gorgeous (blue is one of my favorite colors). His unused dialogue is perfectly tragic, too.

Nameless King makes me rage and swoon at the same damn time. I feel like he's what Godwyn would've been if Marika said fuck no to calling a truce with the dragons. I see some Radahn in him, too. I just imagine him being this kickass warrior with himbo tendencies and I love him for it.

Ivory King is tragic and romantic all in one. I think he's just amazing husband material lol.

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

Oooh, for the send me a character prompt, I’d love to hear your thoughts for Radahn!! Hope you have a lovely evening!! ✨

sexcapade story

Radahn and his consort are adventurous lovers. They surprised the fuck out of him once by practically pushing him down on the bed, lifting those massive arms above his head (Radahn was so damn surprised), and riding his ass into oblivion. Our favorite Starscourge was in a daze the next day and turned beet red when Jerren shot him a knowing look.

how do they flirt?

Hehehehe. He's a goofball at heart so corny pickup lines, dad jokes, and displays of his glorious physique (it's Godwyn levels of irresistible and works every time).

what turns them on?

Taking his dad humor and giving the same energy back. Valour, courage, honor, and above all, kindness.

any other random nsfw headcanon that comes to mind.

His consort accidentally pulled his hair in public once and he let out the neediest moan. That's how he learned that he liked having his hair pulled.

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

Imagine, if you will...

You're pressing kisses against the smooth expanse of Godwyn's neck, rousing him from a deep sleep. Your hands run along the contours of his body, feeling hard muscle twitch under soft skin. You pull him closer to you. His gentle murmurs turn to soft gasps as you wrap a hand around his hard erection and start to slowly stroke it.

The sexual tension between you and Varré has come to a head. The smug bastard has insulted you yet again and you've fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. Yet again. You snap, grab him by the front of his robe, and push him against the wall. Bodies flush together, and your anger dissipates some when you feel his arousal press against you. His body has gone limp in your embrace, his eyes glaze over in lust, and you're disgusted. And turned on at the same time. "Pathetic," you spit out as you grab Varré through his pants. But ohh, the guttural groan that falls from his lips...

You lick your lips unconsciously at the sight before you. It's a daily occurrence, this thing you did. The day is particularly hot and you watched from the castle rampart as the legend himself, General Radahn, trains with his men. Having removed his shirt some time ago, you take in the glistening muscles and watch a bead of sweat trail down his back. You feel that familiar heat between your legs and bite down on your lower lip to suppress a moan. You continue to watch, unashamed and incognito... or so you think. Their session has ended and you make to leave and return to your daydreaming when you realized the Starscourge was observing you out of the corner of his eye. Your cheeks burn hot at being caught out but then Radahn smirks and winks. At you. That moan you suppressed came out in full force. And you swore Radahn was loving every minute of it.

"W-Wait... a-ahhh!" Morgott wouldn't stop. No matter how much you pleaded. But you both know you didn't mean it, that you wanted him to never stop. The Omen King feasted on you as if it were the first time he's tasted such fine delicacy. Your taste, your scent, the huskiness of your voice... it was all ambrosia to Morgott's senses. You came with a gasp and he chuckled, the reverberations between your thighs making you shiver. But no, he wasn't done with his feast just yet. He dove in for more and his name filled the room like a prayer. "Morgott..."

Radagon's eyes never looked so feral before. The others couldn't see it but you could. You could see how rigid his stance had become, how tense his muscles were. You saw the way he undressed you with his gaze. And oh, the smirk on your face got bigger. The man was known for his mild-mannered and calm nature. No one would guess that beneath the visage of the celebrated champion lay a beast ready to pounce, ready to take or be taken. The teasing, the feathery touches, and seductive glances weren't enough. He needed to lose himself in you. It was only a matter of time before he made his move and when he did, when you felt muscular arms wrap around you, felt the firm chest and arousal press against you from behind did your knees buckle. He buried his face in the nape of your neck, taking in your scent, memorizing your desire. You palmed his erection and felt the rumble of Radagon's low growl blanket your entire being.

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

Yandere!Godwyn

Behind those bright eyes, the long, flowing flaxen hair, and that radiant smile lay a darker side, one that few are aware of. And of course, none would believe it to be true...

But true it is and it only becomes apparent where you're concerned.

For you see, dearest one, Godwyn is completely and utterly obsessed with you. And he has been from the moment your eyes met.

He had never felt more beloved the moment you smiled at him, had never felt his heart soar so high until you parted your lips to bless him with the sound of your voice.

From then on, Godwyn the Golden, Godwyn the Beloved was for you and you alone.

Godwyn is fixated on every word you say.

He has to be near you, has to be touching you some way, somehow...

He is fixated on every movement. He'd never let you out of his sight if he could help it. He never takes his eyes off you if you're in the same room.

Even Fortissax took notice of his interest in you. It was amusing the way his Demigod friend's head snapped towards him at the mere mention of your name. It was amusing, really, the way he glared, the way he laid claim to you and swore no one else would, so long as he, the Firstborn, drew breath.

Godwyn's amiable and placid expression doesn't hide the threat, the crazed look in his eyes if anyone so much as even glances your way. You wouldn't know but your would-be suitors do and the moment they catch Godwyn staring them down...

Let me put it this way, would-be suitors: would you WANT to incur the wrath of the firstborn?

He clenches his jaw whenever you heap praises on anyone else but him. His smile loses its luster and becomes tight. He can barely swallow, his throat is dry and there's a vice grip on his heart. You're breaking it. You're breaking his heart. You're breaking his fucking heart. No... What are you doing? Beloved... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! How dare you! How dare they smile! Stop doing that, stop PRAISING them! Those words are for him, dammit! HE'S THE ONLY ONE WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE. STOP IT! STOP BREAKING HIS HEART— 

Will work himself to the point of exhaustion just to hear you say how proud of him you are, how beloved he is to you. No one else's words matter, not his parents, not his tutors, not even Fortissax's, only yours...

So please... don't say those things to anyone else. Say them only to him, to Godwyn, your Golden One.

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

BOTTOM MORGOTT BOTTOM MORGOTT

BOTTOM MORGOTT

BOTTOM MORGOTT

BOTTOM MORGOTT

BOTTOM MORGOTT

BOTTOM MORGOTT

My brethren and sistren in thirst, this is a problem and we need to talk about it ASAP lmao.

sexcapade story

Morgott's fucked in Limgrave under the stars, once. It was a rush of adrenaline and the fact that he hadn't been touched in some time. It was everything he could have imagined it to be—beautiful and primal— until lightning struck pretty damn close. Whoops.

how do they flirt?

He doesn't really because he's bashful. You're more liable to get him blushing from flirting with him.

what turns them on?

Being wanted. Challenging him. Your everything.

what kind of kisser are they?

A shy kisser. Once he knows you're receptive to it, he'll deepen the kiss. May get a little frantic and lose himself in it, too.

any other random nsfw headcanon that comes to mind.

Morgott loves to fuck and get fucked on the throne. Hope the Greater Will enjoys that show.

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

The First Elden Lord(cule), Pt. I - Godfrey x Radagon x chaotic ass!Reader.

Godfrey never thought he'd see the day when he would have not one but two lovers. Of course, they're powerful in their own right and quite a sight to behold as well.

And of course, many would be surprised to find out that it was Radagon who suggested it. And with good reason, too. The man has everyone convinced he's a paragon of virtue. If only they knew how... adventurous he was behind closed doors.

But really, he supposes it's only natural that you'd become an integral part of their relationship, spontaneous though you could be. You've crossed paths (and weapons) plenty of times to the point that a rapport had formed between you three. That and a warrior knows to trust his or her instincts.

And so, after a series of conversations, it was decided. You were to become a part of them. And thus, two would become three.

It seemed all a blur, really, because the next thing Godfrey knew, you accepted their invitation (quite enthusiastically, might I add) and the three of you had settled into a comfortable and amusingly chaotic relationship. And by the Greater Will, you kept them on their toes.

Nary a boring day went by with you around. You hungered for adventure and brought them (read: forcefully) along for the ride where Godfrey and Radagon bore witness to some of your shenanigans. To date, you have:

Pissed off some of the trolls to the point they attack on sight.

Pissed off the undead ("How was I supposed to know that chest was sacred to them?!").

Accidentally broke a statue of Radagon (Godfrey snorted and Radagon sported the most disappointed look you've ever seen.)

Gotten lost in Leyndell. Not the Shunning Grounds. The actual city.

Managed to incur the wrath of yet another dragon ("In my defense, Godfrey, it practically blended in with the environment!")

Brought home a... a baby land octopus. ("His name... is Radapus." "No.")

Somehow lost Godfrey's axe in a fight YOU started. With Godfrey's axe. With the Giant Crabs.

Tried some incantations that backfired horribly and as a result, Radagon has forbidden you to use them unless he's around to help mitigate any damage they might cause.

Yeah... you keep them on their toes.

Cuddle piles are a thing now. By cuddle pile, you're either trapped in the middle of an Elden Lord sandwich or you and Radagon have made yourselves home on Godfrey's large chest.

Radagon sleeps in the middle because he rarely moves and Godfrey snores too much but Radagon says it lulls him to sleep which means that Godfrey is the big spoon to Radagon's little spoon and you're the little spoon to Radagon's big spoon. Okay then.

You're also in agreeance with Godfrey that Radagon looks lovely with his hair loose.

Unlike your two lovers, who are much more reserved with their affection in public, you give no fucks and will blatantly ogle them. But who can blame you?

You're also the reason why Radagon's pet wolves will barely touch their own food.

And the reason why Serosh roars more than usual is because you're liable to talk his head off.

You also give them both a run for their money in the bedroom but let's save that for part two, shall we?

[whatdoyoumeanitsnotcanon]

It's the riding anon! But with fluffy HCs this time. NPCs finding out you've been pinning for them as much as they have for you!

Rogier was afraid of ruining your already good friendship, but is elated to find out you feel the same. He gives you the SOFTEST kiss on the forehead.

Diallos is shocked! Really!? Him!? Any explanation why makes him go red, but he is able to shake off his nerves to give you a very warm hug.

Patches is at a loss of words, for a small moment anyways. He had been so forward with his pet names lately, but this discovery has him calling you by your name in such a soft voice.

Morgott is overall very happy, but feels undeserving of your affection. It quickly subsides once you start making more moves on him, he loves the attention.

A few days after finding out Big Boggart let's you see his face for the first time! He has you sit on his lap so he can properly share his affection.

Varre laughs and warns you of the consequences of being in his sights. Things heat up immediately, he'll pull you into dark corners as often as he can.

That's it for now UuU

well, well, well, if it isn't Pandora's Box opening. time to add on to this, anon!

Godrick - Tries to be smug about it (because he's the Lord of all that is Golden, mind you) but you see through it and realize he's genuinely surprised that you return his affection. Shyly brushes his fingertips against your cheek in response.

Godwyn - You've never seen his face light up so much. He can't help but hold you close and rub his nose against yours. He releases a sigh he didn't know he was holding in.

Radahn - Like a kid in a candy shop. Be prepared for him to bear hug you and twirl you around. He's so boyish in his excitement and it's so damn cute.

Mohg - Stunned silence. You actually hug him because he's so stunned. He snaps out of it and hugs you back.

Malenia - Has the most radiant smile ever. She, too, will kiss your forehead.

Radagon - He smiles, content that his affection has been returned. Then you smack his ass and say that it belongs to you now. Radagon one-ups you by saying there's more than that to claim, should you be willing. Well, hello, sir—

Godfrey - He'll laugh boisterously and clap your shoulder. Serosh roars in approval.

Gideon - Smug bastard already knew. Nonchalantly plans your first outing together. Bastard.

D. (Darian) - Hums in approval and expresses his happiness. Then clears his throat because no one should be privy to his more affectionate side but you and you alone.

D. (Devin) - Is actually excited. Tries to say something sweet but it comes out awkward and all he can do is look down and blush. You assure him that you understand. In return, he presses a quick, shy kiss on your cheeks.

Goldmask (for the lulz) - Points. At a pretty flower. Ooh.

Ranni - Makes a sarcastic quip about it's about time you noticed, but it doesn't have the heat it should have and you both know she's trying to save face and not glomp you.

Blaidd - "Heh. I'm glad. Now that that's settled, how about we finish our quest, yeah?"

Vyke - Wasn't expecting you to return his affections so he awkwardly walks away. You're chilling by the campfire and he sits rather closely beside you. Your knees touch and you knew then that it was you and him against the world.

Yura - Thinks you're crazy to reciprocate the affections of an 'old man' but is actually really happy that you do.

Bernahl - Smirks and says that he won't go easy on you just because you're finally his. You smirk in response and say that you can't wait.