#crackyeah

[fyseq]

hii! so im finally getting back on the pill and im currently on my period, but ive been really anxious to start taking my pills again. would it better to wait or is it alright if I start taking them now? thanks so much! love the blog xx

It's actually suggested you start taking the pill when on your period because it becomes effective immediately when started on your period.

-FYSE

[crackyeah]

*waits for mom to go to sleep so i can smoke a gram by myself*

[crackyeah]

feeling this whole dealy

[crackyeah]

happy that im making friends w the people in my dorm. *-* paying my orientation fee tomorrow then paying off the rest of my debt to tara ughhh im so ready for high school to be over my best friend just started working with me my grade in math is finally going up and im not high so happy and old music. omg this music.

[crackyeah]

Is something really wrong with me or is it just the fact that I want something to be wrong with me?

And at this point, it's really hard for me to distinguish which is which. 

I know for sure that I have low ambition. I don't have a clear idea of what I want to do with myself or even my life for that matter. And to be completely honest, I've gotten so used to being lost. I feel as if I'm a waste of space and time. I can't make anyone happy unless I'm fucking them or kissing their ass.

I've lost myself. I've lost what I stood for, or I finally realise that what I thought I stood for was a lie.

What did I stand for? What were my beliefs two years ago?

I think I understand why people look to religion. It gives them a sense security. The exact same security that I look for in relationships and friendships, but with religion, it's all mental. You can't get damaged by another person getting tired of you, or leaving you, or cheating on you. With religion, there's so much faith and hope and optimism.  

Maybe I have it all wrong?

But I can't keep waiting and waiting and waiting for that someday where it all magically gets better for me.

I don't want to ruin my entire life because of my current state. 

I want to get better. 

Fuck, I want to get better so bad...

I just have no fucking clue what do with myself anymore.

[crackyeah]

im so pissed at myself for letting it build up 

fuck

ugh

[crackyeah]

this guy keeps telling me that my ass has gotten bigger since freshman year..

[crackyeah]

its really hard to stay postive and optimistic when everyone around you is bitching and complAining about every aspect of their life. ive realised a long time ago that complaining about shit will get you no where.