fuckyeahsexedquestions

@fyseq

The questions part of the blog Fuckyeahsexeducation!

3,541 posts

Starting today I’m turning off the inbox. It’s gotten to a point where I’m to busy to moderate and answer questions. I’m hopeful at some point that’ll change but until then I invite you to look for answers in my frequently asked questions HERE

I’m sorry for the trouble y’all.

Love and Dental Dams,

FYSE

My best friend recently had an abortion and is a MESS. It was the right thing for her to do and she doesn't necessarily regret it, she's just kind of going through that post-abortion stage where your oxytocin levels and other hormones are off and she just can't function. How long does this stage usually last?

Unfortunately it differs a lot. This especially depends on how much support they are getting.

https://exhaleprovoice.org/after-abortion-support Exhale has a great hotline staffed with supportive and pro-choice people who can help a lot with any emotions you feel after abortion.

Usually things seem to calm down around a month to three months, this is generally true with pregnancies that end in miscarriage, abortion, or birth.

-FYSE

i have a skin tag right by my butthole and im so self conscious of it. i think i might have sex for the first time on wednesday and im worried hes gonna think its gross. i dont think i can get rid of it without intense surgery and that might be more embarassing than just having it. i dont really knwo what to do/think about it

Skin tags aren't gross! Bodies are amazing and skin especially comes with so many differences. I have a lot of skin insecurity due to chronic hives, acne, and cysts so I understand being self conscious. However, my partner loves my skin and all of its issues. If your partner doesn't then they don't deserve to be your partner!

-FYSE

so i know that certain STIs can live in the mouth/throat and can be passed during oral sex... do clinics test for STIs that are in that part of the body? could someone believe they were sti free but unknowingly be carrying one?

oh yes it is very common for people to think they're STI free but be carrying one. The most common for this situation is HPV. Getting HPV of the mouth or throat is less likely but HPV in general is not part of the usual battery of STI tests because it can only really be tested for with skin tests. That's why getting pap smears is so important, because genital infections are more common with HPV. HPV can exist everywhere though so usually you only find out if you present symptoms. Also it's really common for Herpes to be passed through oral sex as many people don't know cold sores are caused by herpes and can be passed to the genitals. Herpes also isn't in the regular battery of tests because again testing skin samples is the most effective way to do so. These two are really the only concern when oral sex involves vulvas. With penises, although it's less likely, you can get Chlamydia or Gonorrhea through oral sex. Hep. A and B have a possible risk as well when performing oral sex involving a penis. NGU and Syphilis can also be transmitted to the person with the penis receiving oral sex.

TLDR: Sexuality educators and medical experts are trying to press the importance of using barrier methods during oral sex.Generally speaking, a regular STI test only covers Chlamydia and Gonnorhea. Always ask what you're being tested for and what the risks are with other STIs. Get the HPV vaccine as that covers the most common and risky strains.

-FYSE

For anon asking about scratchy tampons, and anyone else who wants to use a menstrual cup but has issues with theirs being too large: I recommend the Softcup (I get mine at Walgreens). They're disposable, so not as sustainable, but they can be worn for 12 hours and work well if you have a lighter flow. Learning curve and imperfect for sure, but I prefer them over tampons because they're safer and don't cause that dry feeling.

22 year old cis girl, for the past two weeks I've been incredibly horny all the time. I went from masturbating maybe three times a week to several times a day, I have trouble focusing on doing things because I can't stop thinking about sex, more than once I've excused myself from class to go masturbate in the bathroom. This all started very suddenly, and everything else feels normal, I haven't made any diet or medication changes. Any ideas?

Hormones! At your age you still are having a lot of hormone shifts and you’re at a height in your sexuality. It’s a really common problem, unfortunately all you can really do is ignore the urge and it can help make it easier with time as you wait it out. Also trying new things with masturbation, techniques and toys can make the masturbation sessions you do have more fulfilling. Check out the posts in my FAQ:

http://fuckyeahsexeducation.tumblr.com/post/15208134722/masturbation-a-beginners-guide#notes

http://fuckyeahsexeducation.tumblr.com/post/30770083917/sex-toys-101

-FYSE

Hi there! Are stretchmarks on boobs a normal thing? I have them on both boobs at the top near my armpits, and I feel really self conscious of them and it's getting near the summer and I don't wanna be uncomfortable wearing sleeveless shirts. Does anyone else get them? I am overweight too and my boobs are pretty big!

oh yeah totally normal! Stretchmarks can happen everywhere, especially areas that grew fast like breasts and bellies. Nothing to feel bad about! Very few people with breasts don’t have them.

-FYSE

Can you help? I ahve this really embarassing problem all of a sudden. I'm afab (trans man) and lately (like the last few days) whenever I masturbate, when I get close to orgasm I pee, it's definitely pee not squirting, and I have no clue what's goign on, this hasn't happened before ever. And it's not a little pee, like it's at least a cup (I have to drink a lot of water because of dysautonomia) Is there anything I can do to fix this?

The main thing is to try to always urinate before masturbation. Orgasm and stimulation can put pressure on the bladder and/or cause the muscles to loosen. Another thing that can be important is exercising your pelvic muscles. It’s no longer suggested to do kegels as research has shown it can be counterproductive and stress out the muscles. Doing things like squats and lunges can help a lot over time. Also, because ejaculate and urine both come out of the urethra it can sometimes smell like urine. Other than that, there’s not a whole lot to do that I’m aware of other than putting down a towel, masturbating in the shower, or other methods. If you have problems with urinary incontinence in other situations you may want to talk to a doctor.

-FYSE

Does the clit get less sensitive if you masturbate/have sex frequently in a short space of time? I'm finding it harder to orgasm recently and nothing has really changed except the frequency.

if you use the same technique (especially if it has a lot of force to it) over and over you can become trained to that technique. It’s better to use different techniques, positions, hardness, speed, and toys so that your body doesn’t become too used to one thing. I discuss different masturbation techniques in my post, Beginner’s Guide to Masturbation.

Some tips on how to increase genital sensitivity from my FAQ: Lighten the friction and pressure when you’re masturbating. Keep control of your breath and stroke your clitoris/penis as lightly as you can. You can also try stimulating through cloth or using lube. Both decrease friction which can increase sensitivity. You might have to experiment with pressure to orgasm and it might take longer but you’ll get there! Also, be sure to touch your other erogenous zones. Keep practicing until you can orgasm with the lightest touch you can manage. We get used to our own touch, a good way to keep us from doing this is to shake up our masturbation routine. Try different positions (lying down, sitting down, on your knees, on your hands and knees, standing up, against a wall etc), try different techniques (going in circles, flicking, up and down, side to side, not touching directly on the clitoris or specific part of the penis, pulling the hood/foreskin back, leaving the hood/foreskin forward, etc), try decreasing your speed and friction (go slower and softer), and use different kinds of toys if you use them or go without toys at all. Sometimes we get so trained on the orgasm when we masturbate we don’t slow down to enjoy it and it trains our body to that particular motion so other motions make us less likely to orgasm. Also try incorporating vaginal or anal stimulation into your routine. That way you can practice orgasming from g-spot/prostate stimulation or combining genital and penetrative stimulation.

-FYSE

Idk if I'm allowed to give a suggestion or not, but if I am, for the person with lots of underboob sweat, I was in the same boat (I've since had a mastectomy but anyways) i found that wearing a cotton dance crop top, like just a thin, plain cotton top (you can find them online) under my bra, so that the end of the top went a few inches lower than the band of the bra, it soaked up a lot of the sweat and really helped the itching.

Thank you for the suggestions! Definitely if anyone has personal experience with any of the questions asked feel free to chime in!

-FYSE

Hymen related anon again: I did the 'foreplay' part myself using a condom & lube (and I have no nails) and the penetration was with her penis. I have had issues with my hymen before because of T which is why I was prescribed the numbing gel for use on the hymen during foreplay. Regardless, is it safe to have sex again within the next week or do I need to give it more time?

oh, okay cool! You should be fine. If there’s still irritation that does up your chance for an infection, but if you keep things clean and use barrier methods you should be okay. You may want to take it more slow for a while, especially if you keep having issues with bleeding.

-FYSE

I have a rather noticeable amount of vaginal discharge on a daily basis and have for years, regardless of the many medication changes (including birth control) I've had over the years. The amount doesn't bother me necessarily, but the odor (which is natural; im infection free) is quite strong, especially since I have a lot of discharge. I'm concerned that others notice it and I wanted to know if there's something I can do to somewhat mask the smell without harming the chemical balance there.

Especially in your teens and early 20s, or during certain times in your life when you’re going through hormone changes, a lot of discharge and odor is totally normal. I get a lot of questions and concerns about this and it’s something I’ve been through as well. I promise though, we are way more sensitive to our own smells than others. Some things that can help though are staying hydrated and avoiding putting anything scented near that area. Avoid wearing tight pants all the time and wear cool cotton underwear or none at all and having loose and airier pants. Sometimes that odor is also from sweat so things that I mentioned to the previous question apply as well; using cornstarch, drying the area with a hairdryer on low, etc.

-FYSE

I've had this issue for months where whenever I wear a bra (I'm a 40DD), regardless of how clean I am or how much I sweat, literally every single day my underboob region is sweaty and super itchy and has a vinegar-like scent. I've tried using lotions, baby powder, anti-fungal cream (I read something once that it may be a fungal infection), but I still have this daily and I don't know what it is or how to stop it. I have PCOS and am on a pill with estrogen and progesterone if that matters at all.

Lush does have a product called “Panty powder” that works for me. You just put it on like baby powder. However, a lot of people find just using plain cornstarch works the best for them. A lot of the time odors and scented things can make irritation like that worse. Also, be sure to keep dry! A lot of people make sure that area is dry by using a hairdryer after showers on low head. Another thing is to let the area “breathe” by spending time without a bra or shirt, or avoiding tight materials. If it continues to be really bad it could be a skin infection either fungal or not. For many people anti-fungal creams that aren’t prescription strength aren’t very helpful. A doctor may refer you to a dermatologist or may know of other treatments that may work.

-FYSE

My gf and I were having penetrative sex and I was numbed from a gel I was prescribed and because I couldn't feel the pain to stop her, she accidentally tore my hymen. When is it okay to have penetrative sex again? And how much blood is too much?

Are you sure it was your hymen? The hymen is a mucus membrane that usually stretches really easy, especially with lubricant. Sometimes it can be thicker or more brittle or cover more area than is most common (most don’t even have visual hymens). However the walls of the vagina can tear, especially if your partner has longer nails. This is why I’m not a huge fan of numbing gel, because it makes injury a lot easier. A little bleeding is fine but if it’s like a period amount you may want to get checked out. The main concern is infection. Again, especially if your partner has longer nails there tends to be a lot of bacteria there. Another good idea with sexual activity is washing hands beforehand or using latex or nitrile gloves. If you or your partner like having longer nails you can put a little bit of cotton in the fingers of the gloves to keep the nails from tearing the gloves. If you have any sign of infection like odor change, pain, itching, or discharge change you may want to get checked out.

-FYSE

I think I may be asexual, but I'm not sure if I feel sexual attraction or not. Now I'm double thinking and analyzing my own reactions to people to the point that everything becomes all jumbled in my brain. What does sexual attraction feel like? How does one experience sexual attraction?

That’s a really difficult question because sexual attraction is different for everyone. Generally, it’s the sudden pull that says you want to have sex with them. Other types of attraction include wanting to be intimate (cuddling, being close to) or wanting to be in a relationship with someone. Those aren’t sexual attraction, although for some that’s included. Some advice for anyone trying to figure out their orientation is try not to rush to figure everything else. Stick with whatever feels right for now and you can always change your mind later, nothing wrong with that.

-FYSE

Oh man this is awkward but for the last five or six days I've had a really really inexplicably high sex drive. I've mastubated at least twice a day for five days running and I wouldn't be worried except I'm starting to get really bad kidney/back/leg pains. Is that normal? It's really painful but I have no self control once the "wow I'm super turned on right now" kicks in. Also I had a kidney infection a few months ago so maybe that's why I'm in pain but idk, help???? What's happening???

Totally normal! If you’ve had kidney infections recently you may want to get it tested out again just to be sure. Make sure to urinate after masturbation and clean up well as that reduces the risk of bacteria getting in your urinary tract. Try masturbating in different positions, some can definitely cause back and leg pain. Using lubrication and going slow can also reduce the risk of irritation (which can cause infection) and injury.

-FYSE

I realize that I'm 16 and hormones and shit but oh God everything makes me horny what the fuck can this be fixed

Luckily, this will probably eventually calm down. Puberty and hormone swings happen until your mid 20s, although some people stay hypersexual for a long time. I promise you’re normal but I know it can still be incredibly annoying to deal with. You kind of just have to ignore it till it goes away or masturbate when you can. Take cold showers. Think of anything that grosses you out or doesn’t turn you on. Try to keep busy.

-FYSE

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