My baby’s head will be sliced opened in under 10 days. Some days, making sense of that impending reality is a lot harder to understand and accept. Like today. A Monday - which is usually the hardest work-day because it comes after two full days of being with and around you. These days, we are privileged with watching your eyes light up with comprehension whenever key words or behaviours are done. Watching you “just get life” - it’s beautiful and makes it even more painful for me to know that unknown to you, for a brief month or so, this may potentially be put on a pause. While we re-adjust to a new normal of your stitched-up head, of holding our breathe, of seeing you regain sight, regain strength, regain your wit. How will I know to anticipate your falls? How will I sleep ever again, assured that you’re your most comfortable? How will I leave you at the door for a life without you (work), all over again?
Motherhood is kicking me in the ass, Zia. I hope one day, when you read this, we can talk about these things because you’re a girl and girls become mothers, and mothers have to be brave regardless whatever. I hope you’re able to learn to be braver than I feel I am. I hope I do become braver through this.
