Whether you believe you can or can’t - You’re Right.
A lot of my writing has been from a place of strength- which is easy. It’s easy to write on a good day or after a breakdown. But that isn’t what I’m committed to. I’m committed to creating warriors from out on the battlefield. While we’re IN it because that's what’s real. Yes, I can sit here and write all I’ve gotten from my journey but that doesn’t mean its done. I had a HUGE breakdown on Sunday. I was in a space where anything outside my comforter was foreign and dangerous to me. I was so in my head regarding a traumatic event that happened to me that I was not in the present moment at all. I had this fake story about wanting a person who can be my superhero when I decided to hang up my cape at night from saving the world. Basically someone who can be for me what I am for other people. And I was truly disappointed in my friend’s response. Not because of anything that was said, but because I was placing my support outside myself and I wasn’t doing anything to support myself under those covers. I wasn’t in a place of power. I was feeling sorry for myself, asking why me, asking what the fuck, how could this have happened, blahblahblah. It wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t helping myself at all. Olga (my ego) had me in a chokehold. But that got me present to all the triggers that exist in life that can just completely knock you off your horse. And I got KNOCKED OFF! I also saw an interesting spiritual masterclass training on Monday that mentioned the key to breakdowns is simply coming back. Just keep coming back and keep coming back.
I had questions around well what if no one reads this or I can’t help other people. And I saw an interesting quote on Facebook yesterday that said “Whether you believe you can or you can’t, you’re right.” So I’m gonna go with if I touch one person I’ve done what I’m meant to. F- Looking good, I'm not committed to looking good. I’m committed to being real.
The key is no matter what fear I may have had about posting up my entire life on the internet, the thing to get is I write for you. I write for the woman who thinks this is all her life is- what she’s facing right now, the girl crying herself to sleep at night, the superwoman going to school and work but coming home to a different reality, the distressed mothers, the wives facing sickness, the grievers, the women being abused, the self-sabotagers, the lost ones, the ones reading this saying not me.....ALL of you. I’m a stand for ALL of you. The only thing there is for me to get around my writing…. is that in no way whatsoever is this about me. It’s about taking my experiences and sharing it forward and have others do the same. None of my life experiences have ever really been about me, I’m clear that my life was meant to help other people, and in that kind of context, there’s a space of UNSTOPPABLE FEARLESSNESS.