Peaceful parenting success
Tonight as J and L were cleaning up to go to their mother's house, J grabbed some of her craft supplies and packed it into a bag. Curiously I asked her what she was taking. She replied she had some paint and paint markers. I asked her to remember to ask her mommy for permission before using them because she might need help getting a brother free space where she can make a mess.
When she pulled her paint out to show me she realized the tops had come off of all of her paint containers. They were the little snap containers that come in cheap art sets for kids. She gasped and said, "oops!" and brought me the bag.
I had Attie asleep in my lap while I assessed her dilemma. Paint was covering the containers, her markers, her bag, and now our hands. Instead of getting mad, I gave her instructions on how to get cleaned up. I calmly asked her to wash her hands, bring me some paper towels to set the mess on, and some baby wipes (those suckers save everything!) to wipe the paint off. She stood next to me and watched me wipe every container and marker (she was in a rush to leave with my husband so I didn't want to risk covering her in paint).
Without any prompting she began to apologize for making such a mess. I continued to stay calm and explained that accidents happen and I was there to help her fix them. I also explained that next time if she wants to take something messy or delicate to her mother's, she could ask me if she was unsure on how the best way to transport it was. I said, "for example, next time you want to take paint I can help you remember a plastic bag will keep the mess in and that we need to make sure all of the lids are closed first". I left it at that and gave her some instructions to help me finish cleaning up. I felt the relief in her and the genuine appreciation for help and advice rather than anger.
J is quickly becoming a young lady and is close to experiencing the problems that come with being a preteen. I want her to know that when she makes a mistake I will listen and help without anger. I could have been frustrated, I could have yelled and huffed and made her feel bad for not having the foresight I expect from an adult. Instead, I remembered she is still learning, she deserves respect and peace, and in the end I'm cleaning up the same mess regardless of my attitude. Tonight felt like a win.