[ this is so dumb but inspired by @crezz-star's tweet about adam and their oc dfkjdfkjl i HAD to draw cain's reaction to the alleged news, i apologize but only a little ]
It’s disconcerting for Zoro to see his captain falter when confronted by their new crew mate. There’s no imminent threat that Jean poses, but Zoro recognizes the man's presence on their ship brings Luffy no small amount of distress. Jean is a challenge Luffy doesn't know how to confront or overcome. The emotional turmoil that follows in Jean's wake is a damning thing and Luffy struggles in an uncharacteristic way that Zoro won't ignore.
“Tell me and I’ll send him off.” Because Luffy is his captain and Zoro is his first mate. Because if Luffy asked anything of him, Zoro would follow through. He might not be able to soothe the nightmares that torment Luffy, but Zoro can banish the ghost that haunts him.
Jean’s resemblance to Ace is uncanny. Zoro is no stranger to being confronted by an unwanted doppelganger of a love lost - to be terrorized by guilt and regret personified. He has no doubt Luffy will adapt despite the discomfort, same as Zoro, but Zoro knows from experience the heartache will stay. A persistent thing even in its dullness.
Jean is his own man, but the ghost he carries with him in body and voice and fiery soul is someone else entirely. Luffy is blindsided by Jean because of it and it makes Zoro wince at how lost Luffy looks, how stricken - like he's floundering in open water, dragged down by a devil's fruit and regret he can't shake.
Sometimes Zoro wonders if his captain sees the artist at all or if all that graphite bleeds red like blood and fire. He wonders if Luffy relents to the man’s continued presence on their ship because Luffy genuinely wants Jean there or if it’s because Luffy can’t fathom turning his back even on Ace’s visage. Is it desire for crew or for his brother?
It’s been a rough adjustment since Jean stowed away to pay his respects and dues. The man is all gratitude and admiration and maybe that, too, is similar to Ace. Not in expression, but perhaps in intensity. There’s a lot that Luffy doesn’t say about his brother, but there are some sleepless nights where Luffy will choke out truths in the dark, his voice muffled by arms strewn across his face or by the breadth of Zoro’s shoulder.
‘He always called me ‘crybaby’.’ Luffy would say around breathy laughter, and Zoro would soothe him in the only way he knows how — with dry banter. A quipped, ‘You probably were,’ that’s followed by titters and a nostalgic, ‘I was. He hated it.’ And Zoro understands that in a way Luffy might not; in the way Ace did.
‘He told me he wouldn’t die.’ Luffy said just once, so quiet Zoro almost missed it. But he could feel the ghost of Luffy’s lips and the grief in how he butted his head to Zoro’s jaw, ‘I made him promise because I didn’t know what he’d do.’ And Zoro didn't know what to say; had no means of reconciling that sorrow to the memories he has, to the wild stories Luffy has shared or the tender sentiments Zoro has noticed, himself. 'He told me he'd stay if I needed him. He swore it.'
His captain and he have fought and bled for each other. They’ve gone on a lifetime of adventures together; they share their dreams, their triumphs and failures and burdens. Zoro knows Luffy, but those shared intimacies in the dark give Zoro a clarity he’d lacked.
Luffy's capacity for compassion is a terrifying thing. His empathy towards those who are hurting is just as great. Zoro is no stranger to the hope Luffy can breathe into punctured lungs, the strength he inspires with his steadfast faith and resolve. Zoro assumed it was one of Luffy's innate qualities. It's in hindsight that he realizes Luffy's compassion was learned: a crybaby pleading for his brother to stay with him, to fight and love and live and dream.
Ace is the first person Luffy ever saved; Jean is the latest and all his regard and respect is like salt rubbed in an open wound. 'Thank you for loving saving me,' only Luffy didn't - he has the blood on his hands and a scarred heart to prove it. Jean is a ghost sent to haunt him and it's painful because Jean is kind in a way Luffy isn't ready to accept.
But Luffy is willful. If he didn't want Jean, then he wouldn't be with them.
When Zoro thinks about it, he knows why Luffy chooses to keep the artist around. Jean fits with the crew, all dreams and ambition and steadfast will. Jean is finding his footing after the world left him scarred; persisting despite past hurts and finding purpose and joy in a liberated world with open skies and seas. He is the shadow of Luffy’s brother that Luffy never stopped wanting needing.
It's complicated. Grief is like that.
“He’s crew.” Luffy tells him. It’s the end of their discussion on the matter. Zoro doesn’t need anything more; he trusts his captain’s word. Luffy will work through his grievances.
One day Luffy will stop jerking his head to the side when he catches Jean in his peripheral, mistaking him for Ace and one day the disappointment at his mistake won’t be such a heartrending thing. There will come a time when the depth of Jean’s voice and the sound of his laughter stops being an echo of someone else, when graphite smudges stop looking like blood stains.
Jean might be persistent in that same way Luffy was with Ace. It’s not anything Luffy comments on or complains about, though Zoro notices how contemplative it leaves their captain. He doesn't doubt that perseverance will win Luffy over. History repeats itself in strange ways.
That aside, Luffy is a simple man at heart. Zoro sees it before it happens. He can't help the smirk that pulls at his lips because of it.
Zoro stands at Luffy's side overlooking the seas when a row of graphite beetles come marching along the railing, tiny feet leaving scuttled marks of graphite across the wood as they approach their captain. The way Luffy's eyes light up with merriment as drawings brought to life crawl across his fingers and up his arms is a wonderful thing no matter how seemingly commonplace. Laughter bubbles up from Luffy's chest alongside his awe and wonder and delight.
Zoro catches Jean sitting further down the deck, smile bright and maybe the slightest bit sheepish, misinterpreting the first mate’s stare for scrutiny. Jean makes another creature with that logia devil fruit of his and sends it across the railing. Zoro stares after it for some time, bemused until he realizes it’s a damn marimo (undoubtedly courtesy of the damn cook spreading falsehoods about Zoro's likes and interests), at which point Zoro scowls something fierce and Jean balks.
Everything is made right by Luffy’s renewed laughter though, by the width of his smile and the mirth in his eyes. His joy is contagious just like so much else about him. It doesn’t stop Zoro from smacking the pseudo-marimo out of Luffy’s hand and out to sea when his captain tries to torment him with it though — graphite pressed to Zoro’s cheek once, twice and leaving smudges across Zoro's skin all the while—
Both Luffy and Jean gape when the marimo goes flying, Luffy’s arm stretching out after it a moment later. That Luffy catches it at all is impressive; the guilt Zoro feels when Luffy opens his hand to a circular smudge from crushing the thing is somehow even greater.
Jean fits in with their crew well though. The graphite beetles congregate on Luffy’s hand, molding together into an even larger marimo and Zoro grunts despondently as his captain and their artist cackle at his expense. Some part of Luffy's smile might always be strained when he looks after Jean, but Jean shares Luffy's empathy and compassion. It shows in his patience, the persistent and tentative way he stays just within reach.
☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆
crezz-star's Jean: the artist, the muse, the sweetheart.
