#crippling self-doubt

[random-bookquotes]

Coffee Shop Author Kit. Alcoholism and crippling self-doubt not included.

Matt Dinniman, The Gate of the Feral Gods (Dungeon Crawler Carl #4)

[sultrysirens]

NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN MORE TRUE THAN THIS

[coffeestraightfromthepot]

051 ganbatte

(ps, another thing about not living in a building anymore is i don't have access to a scanner anymore, so, enjoy the phone pics i guess)

[madameevil]

This is my brain every time I ask friends for feedback on things I'm doing and they give me mostly positive feedback...

[zoemathemata]

I sometimes get the urge to ramble on thots and things and it honestly never occurred to me until just now that I could purge all my feels on my tumblr to get them out of my head.

I’m working on my mcshep Big Bang (posting date July 31) and I’ve not written anything in years. The last thing I posted to AO3 was in 2016 and my original fic has been languishing as well. Around 2015 I slid into a depression (which is chronic for me) and it’s pretty much been me trying to get out of it since then in some form or another and writing has been far from my mind during this time.

Or rather it’s been far from my actions. I think about it a lot but haven’t had the spoons, you know?

Anyway I thought this challenge would be a good push to get writing again and it is and it has been but I’m just so fraught with doubt about the story and my writing and I thought ‘oh I’ll just put a disclaimer note in my fic when I post it. A sort of hey I’m worried about this and here it is’

But I’m also trying not to self sabotage and that kind of feels like that. Also, while I do want to post the story and I always like getting kudos ans commemts, I try to write for me and this has really been about that journey as well - back to writing in a safe place (as I’ve always found fandom very warm and welcoming).

So then I was like, okay, I won’t put this self-doubt note on my work and I’ll just put my stuff out there (assuming I will finish it - ha ha sobs uncontrollably as she realizes the deadline is looming) but I have this crippling fear that all the things I think are wrong with it will be so painfully obvious and it’s like it hurts less to point them out myself first than to wait and post it and think that people find those flaws and think I’m oblivious to them.

So then I thought, okay I will put this on tumblr so it’s separate from my story but I’ll also feel like I’ve gotten it ‘out there’ and also hopefully it will be a bit purged from my mind as o often need to get shit out of my brain so that I can focus on something else.

I gotta keep working on the fic. My scrivener says o need 1000 words a day to finish and I can’t seem to get characters where I want them to be in a short amount of words.

[androgynousbirdfun]

Sometimes I really need a narrator to my life just so I have contextual hints for how I should be interpreting other people’s reactions.

[agarwalshreya]

What you do to yourself. 

[spiritul-lumii]

când motivația noastră e atât de friabilă, lenea pe gambe ni se cațără

se instalează suverană peste toată voința potențială / personală

ne ustură și ne reclamă crunta îndoială