#crowtreerambles

[crow-gothtree]

me: I should draw something.

(My 165+ ao3 tabs)

me: nah it can wait.

[crow-gothtree]

Sometimes I draw something, and then I look at it and I'm like no one can ever see this but it's good.

[crow-gothtree]

why now? why at 2am am i suddenly able to do the art.

i hope your ready for some more yakuza vibes mha fanart, imma try and draw izuku this might end badly

[crow-gothtree]

me to myself: what if we did inktober this year?

me staring into the void of my own memories: last time I tried it was 2018 and I gave up 6 days in.

my brain: yeah that's because you tried to do them all on the day but if you did it in advance it would be easier.

me: yeah but how is it a challenge then?

the small logical part of myself: it's not supposed to be a challenge it's supposed to be fun.

me: oh.

[crow-gothtree]

A personal view of creativity

I am at a constant battle between my body and my mind and I do not know what warning to give you but this is purely venting.

I am unfortunately a person with many ideas, and very little ability to be able to correctly convey those ideas into a consumable format.

Yet at the same time I have no ideas at all and the ability to create the ideas of others when inspired, I live in an endless cycle of creating.

Yet, when I want to create something in the way I view it I fall flat, I have the ideas for a story I wish to create yet when it comes to writing that I become stagnated and frustrated, wanting to see the end product of what I picture yet not having the mental energy to actually create it.

I am punished by my own solitude, I feel as if things would work better if I could just give my ideas to another. Put the story into their head and shape the words they write yet not have to do it myself.

I feel as if I can picture the art I want to create yet I become frustrated, as I know how do it I know what I wish to see and yet for some reason my hands are unable to complete the actions.

But, at the same time I wonder how many of my ideas are my own or have been inspired by others subcontiuoulsy, I make the mistake of throwing away writings and sketches that someone may have loved, I poor time into work no one will see, in a desperate cling to a want to prove that I can do it to myself.

I have distanced myself from the craving for validation I felt in my youth, yet it still sparks joy. I want to be good at something and to let people see the work I do but I hold myself to a high standard that no one set for me but my own perception

I want in a way to create with others yet the dread of anxiety at my ideas falling flat. Of my own mental health ruining me. To not be able to commit to a project for fear that I will burn out and leave others high and dry. To want to and to wish and to speak into the void asking myself why I am unable to simpley create the things I think of. Of my brain running to fast for my body to keep up.

[crow-gothtree]

Izuku Aesthetics

Me sat in the dark at 3am mindlessly scrolling as I wait for my brain to decide if I'm making izukus new aesthetic grungey tech wear, dark academia or having him wear a lot of suits...

For context here, Izuku is around 24-25 years old and 7'2 in this fic and built like a greek god like carved from marble. His hair is silvery white. I'm bad I know.

Help decide an aesthetic

Dark Academia

Grunge

Suits ( And shirts with the top buttons undone, no tie)

Other

Voting ended onAug 16, 2023

For some reason my brain has sent him to a department store with Nedzu so really they could find almost anything. Izuku is also a lot more confident in himself in this fic.

[crow-gothtree]

I wanna draw eraser-mic art but why is yamada hizashi just a hard man to draw

like I've got Aiwaza down, that man flows through me, I know what he looks like. but Yamada I struggle with. I'm trying. He always looks so goofy and I don't know how to fix it.

EDIT - I figured it out finally wooo

[crowtree-too]

I just re-read a really good Vampire!Aizawa fic and i know it's not spooky season yet but its all my brain wants to draw so you're all gonna witness my spiral into drawing vampire vibes Aizawa on the main blog (crow-gothtree) and I know no one is going to see this but it is what it is.

in other terms if anyone got some vampire bnha fics yes please